My thoughts on dick pics

Once in London, I finished my shift and I was in a hurry to catch my night bus from Tottenham Court Road. I was at the bus stop when a young guy stepped in front of me holding his mobile close to my face.
Look!”
It was a picture of a – I suggest his – penis. It’s okay to be proud of your precious male part, but why do you think I want to see it, especially in this way of presentation? Is this the only thing you can offer to a woman, does it make you a man?

I don’t understand the male behaviour when they send a picture of their penises before sending a photo of their faces.
Lots of theories are out there, but I – as a simple woman – cannot understand that. I’m not talking about when the man is in a naughty mood with someone and the two are exchanging superheated messages and erotic fantasies. As a part of that, I have sent pictures of myself and I will. I’m not a prude. And in this circumstance, I find it natural to satisfy someone’s curiosity how you look or send a picture what kind of effect you make on the other person’s body in that very moment on the other end of the virtual world. In long distant relationships, they are a different question, it’s a reward to know that my partner is thinking about me even if he’s miles away.
But these unwanted R-rated sexual photos from guys are the biggest turn off for women.
If you’re a woman, have you ever received an unsolicited dick photo from a guy and thought, “What the hell was he thinking?” You’re chatting with some guy online, you think it might progress to a date and then, suddenly there is a random picture of his penis with the meaning: I’m ready for you! Or if you don’t answer their messages, they will show you what you’re missing out in this way. It’s surely not appropriate sexual behaviour or at least not when you want to get to know somebody.
I have to tell you dear Gents, those pictures are unwelcome. Most women appreciate a good body including the male part, but we are really turned on by the man’s intellect, his gentleness and his strength. I’d like to know these qualities before he expresses himself sexually, not vice versa.
Something about this particular type of exhibitionism is really irresistible to some men. Of course, women are also curious, but when we ask for these kinds of pictures or when we are happy to accept them, we are already turned on by the man’s other male aspects like the strength of character or intelligence. The female brain is wired in a totally different way than the male brain that’s why men can be turned on easier by visually sexy effects. Dear men, for the women it works differently, please try to understand that! Actually, most of us can be turned off by receiving this kind of treatment. I wouldn’t even want to know what these men think would be appropriate to send if we are in a relationship!
We live in an age of narcissism where many people believe that they are better than they really are, or sexier than they are.
Some guys out there are really into themselves and their phalluses, and they assume that the woman will be, too, and she will send a sexy picture to them in return. They might think in that way: “I showed you mine, now you show me yours!” Some of them are insecure about their penises and silently they ask for approval, others are uncomfortable to properly express themselves with words that they want to have sex with a girl, so they send a picture of their penises instead. Others use it as a form of sexual harassment.

Women do not find pictures of penises to be aesthetically pleasing at all. We find the whole man we like pleasing, not only his manhood. Men fundamentally misunderstand how most women feel about these type of pictures. And they truly believe it works.

(From the book Bedtime Stories from Stripperland)

5 things you should never ask from your dancer

1. How much money do you make?
I consider this question extremely rude from a customer’s mouth. Especially when my money depends on how much he’s willing to pay. My experience these guys just asking questions but don’t want to spend much money in the club. I never ask my customers how much money they have in their pocket!
Here in the blog, I write about money and club system because I want to break the stereotype that we, dancers are super rich. Unfortunately, it’s not the case. But still, the question is not polite at all.
2. Can we have sex in private?
NO. Even if it’s possible in some club, don’t make the wrong idea that you can have it in EVERY club, with EVERY dancer. If it’s possible, wait until the dancer makes the move… and you don’t find yourself in an embarrassing situation, most importantly you won’t piss of your dancer.
3. Is there a camera in the private?
YES. The management wants to know what’s going on there. Not only about sex but about drugs or any crime. Or about dancers who make outside business or get cash from the customer when she’s not allowed. Sometimes I can not take tips in private because it would lead me to further trouble with the club
And sometimes for the dancer’s safety. Can you imagine if the customer gets beating her up or being extremely aggressive with her? Or if something gets lost.. or stolen. Of course, they want to know about everything!
 
4. Do you want some beer?
Definitely not! I do drink champagne or cocktails. Not because I’m a lady, but because I earn commission on it. Simple is that.
5. Can I have your number?
It depends. Some clubs allow it, some don’t. It’s not a lie if I tell you I can’t because my boss watches us. But even if I can, I don’t give my number to anyone. Only to those who became a regular customer or I spent a good time with. I don’t want any disturbing messages or phone calls the middle of the night when I want to sleep! Way too many stalkers around.
+1. How do you find the work?
(This you can ask, but myself I’m bored to explain all the time..)
The first thing to make it clear, yes, there are agencies for dancers to cooperate between the clubs and the girls. Usually, clubs don’t like girls working without an agency. And personally, I prefer to work with agencies because if something happens they are there to help (like finding a new place in short notice if necessary) and it’s a safer way because they already know the club and its conditions. But I never need to be worried because I’m working as a self-employed and I pay tax and insurance and I sign contracts with clubs all the time.
 

Pushing the limits

When I think I’ve seen everything, life always is quick over proving me that I’m wrong. I thought in Iceland I worked with the worst kind of dancers ever, the most competitive and the less care about others. Here in Oslo they even worst by my opinion. Before you think I work with Romanians, I must say no. Here the majority of the girls come from Baltic countries and they are extremely rough! They just care about the fast money they can make. The older girls are softer but the young generation is very harsh. Intelligent but harsh.
Just an example to understand their mentality: we walked home after work and a random guy tried to talk to one of them that I would have just ignored, but she answered: “Don’t talk, give me money, pizdec!”
As I said earlier this business is a hard sales job. We must sell champagne and private dances. But for me, it’s a big difference HOW. I think in long term. If I make the customer relaxed, he would be happy to spend money on me and will come back later. The big difference is I care about the person who spends money on me, not just see him as a piggybank. I’ve never been the kind of dancer who ready to jump on the guy as soon as he opens the door. I’m not exceptional. I’m not the only one. There are other girls that don’t want to rip off the customers and still make money. But we are rare to find in strip clubs any more.
In these days when people think twice about what they spend their money on, it should be the dancer’s personal charm that convinces them to stay and spend money. Another day I had a customer who was completely frozen when he arrived (closed arms, legs and when I asked he gave me one-word answers) and later this guy left the club with a smile on his face and gave me a big hug saying “You’re great!” (No, I didn’t offer any extra. I just blew some magic powder to his eyes.) But I made money on him, he was happy, I was happy. For me, this is a great night.
Yesterday night was crazy. Girls were pushing and pulling drunk (or half dead) customers on the floor to make them pay.
“Do you want me? Let’s go drink! Be serious! You must pay! Where is your wallet? Give me your card!”
And they paid. (I’m not sure if they were aware of it what for.) One guy paid a bottle of champagne for two girls and when he saw the bottle in the ice bucket, he didn’t want to pay. He didn’t realise he paid already and his transaction went through.
At the other table, there were two guys, one bought a bottle of champagne for the girl, the other bought only wine. So one went downstairs to the VIP area, the other stayed on the main floor. Both were drunk. A little later he came up to check his friend, the girl followed him:
“You can’t sit here because of your friend. We must go downstairs.” And she grabbed his arm and took him back to the “dungeon”. (She made it sure that the other girl doesn’t get anything from her bottle of champagne. Rough, isn’t it?)
Another girl was struggling to have a second bottle from the guy. He was also drunk. She took his card and placed it in the card machine.
“You must pay! Put your PIN number here!” pointing her finger to the machine. (I don’t know what policy it is here that the girls are allowed to touch the customers’ wallet and cards..) And the barmaid:
“Just try, if it’s doesn’t work it’s OK.” holding the card machine that is almost touched his nose. But clearly, he didn’t want to pay more. He didn’t even know anymore if he’s male or female. When the girl realised he doesn’t pay, she tossed his card back to him.
“OK, nobody keeps you here. Get your card, your wallet and go home!” with not even a little kindness in her voice and she called the security. The guy who previously paid her a bottle of Dom Perignon was thrown out like a piece of garbage.

By witnessing these situations I really started to think about my future. I can’t keep up with these girls, and because they make money for the club, I have problems with the management because I don’t know how to work. Well, I don’t know how to rip off people, that’s for sure! But I’m sure all those customers have shock and headache next morning and they will never come back to this club again (not even close to it).  My advice: put a limit on your card and you can’t spend more than you wish or don’t come to a strip club when you’re so drunk and you can’t see what is on the screen of the card machine. 1200 krone or 12000 krone is a big difference!

Unless you want to pay for being stupid…

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 1.

I met a girl in Paris who told me she’s studying on university and how she entered the whole glittery pinky stripper world was that she went interviewing a few dancers in a local club to write an essay and she started to like the atmosphere and decided to work in clubs afterwards. See, not every girl’s doing it for money or because they have been forced to do so, but some also realise it’s such a good job to learn about our own sexuality and express ourselves. So after talking to her, I got an email from a lovely girl – let’s call her Laura – who asked my help to write her dissertation. “I am doing research for my dissertation, which is looking into the ways in which lap-dancing is empowering for women, but I also want to learn about the difficult parts of the industry! Basically, I just want to give an honest story. I have never done lap-dancing before so I cannot write from my own experiences, and I came across your blog and it is so interesting! You seem very honest about your work and you seem to have travelled and worked in many countries.” I thought such a brave girl to write about this subject and I’m happy to help if it doesn’t cost money so I said yes to her. And some of her questions are so intelligent and worth to write a whole post as an answer.
 “How did you feel when a customer breaks the rules and touches your intimate area when giving them a naked lap dance? “
When I read this question the stories started to come to my mind. But I’m telling you the best one. I was working in Toronto, Canada where the club had a totally unique system. The customers chose the girls from a photo album with the help of the bookers. Those guys were walking around with a huge album in their hands any anybody wanted to have a lap dance, they suggested the girl who suits the best for them. We girls were not allowed to talk to customers, it was a sitting area for us or we could stay in the changing room (even for a quick nap). So because of that, there was no previous agreement on what I do in private and what I don’t. It was a whole forum on an internet site about which girl is a giver in the club and it was so popular amongst the customers. If I find it, I will link it here because it was so funny and entertaining to read. So basically the guy who booked me for dance was never so sure what he can get from me.
Once I got booked by a young guy for 30 mins. He was around 20. We went down to the private area, I seated him and started to dance. Without asking or saying anything, he started to unbutton his jeans. I didn’t say anything but gave him a bad look. He didn’t get the signal – or didn’t want to understand – and his hand slid down inside his trousers. I don’t let the customers jerk themselves during my dance so I told him to stop. He said OK. And then I changed my position, I danced a bit facing the wall and when I turned back his willy was out and it was a huge grin on his face.
“I told you not to do it!” (Jesus, this half an hour dance will be difficult!)
“OK, OK! I apologise.. but a little bit?”
“NO!”
But some really like testing the waters. I thought finally he got the message, I turned again to the wall. I bend over to take my panties off when I saw him between my legs what he’s doing. Of course, his trousers down on his hips and he was jerking. I really hate when I have to repeat myself again and again, and it seems this bloke was deaf or something not to hear what I was trying to say. I found a more effective way. I grabbed his beer from the small table where he put it, suddenly turned back and put it upside down into his trousers. The cold beer poured down on his erection and on his balls.
“Now I hope you understand what I was saying to you!”
He immediately jumped from the sofa and called me on every name you can imagine. I gave him back his dance tokens and left.
Dear man, if the dancer says not to do it, it means NOT TO DO IT! Once I had to listen to 30 mins lecture from my manager because my customer did the same when I danced showing my butt to him. My manager passed the curtains and she saw what’s going on and interrupted the dance. I told her I’m wearing my eyes on the front and I can’t see what he’s doing behind my back but she thought I let him do. Seriously I almost got fired just because the guy was not listening. Same with touching. In some clubs, they are very strict about it and I can get in trouble if they see it on the security cameras. What? If there are security cameras??? Of course, there are! Who would believe that there is no control over what’s going on in the VIP room? The clubs have to protect themselves if anything happens there.
But answering the question, it happened to me that the customer touched me in an inappropriate way – again I was showing my back to him and I did a sexy bend over. He thought it’s funny if he touches me between my legs. As I felt his finger on my private area I turn back and suddenly gave him a huge slap on his face.
“Never do it again!”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Get out!”
“But I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
“Get the fuck out of here!!!”
I was cold as ice and he understood the fun is over and he left. After the security guy came to me asking why I finished the dance sooner. I told him what happened and he just shrugged his shoulder. “Hm, OK.”Of course, it was OK. It was no argument about paying back the dance or anything. Security can help to kick out an angry guy or step between the dancer and customer if it’s necessary. But behind closed doors (or curtains) I’m in control. And I have to make sure that nothing happening there that can harm me. I remember working as a hostess. Once we had a beautiful girl who never worked in this field before. She got chosen by a “good” customer and the guy paid her champagne bottle after bottle. As it was her first night, she easily lost her limits. And the control. After she was crying in the toilette because the guy tried to finger her through her tights and panties and she felt violated. That was her first and last night.
That’s MY body, I make the rules! I understand there are different clubs and in some clubs, you can get more, I also understand that the temptation is big, but if the dancer says NO, it means NO. It’s always better to ask than walking through the whole club with wet pants and it looks you just peed yourself during the private dance.

Dealing with rejection

In our job, every stripper knows (indeed every sales person knows) that NO doesn’t mean to reject you, only the product or the service you offer. But in practice it’s difficult to deal with. 1 NO is okay, 2 NO is okay, 3-4 and you start to feel down, 5-6 or more and you end up sitting in the corner questioning yourself “What’s wrong with me?” or worst, crying in the toilette or in the changing room. Here in Paris, I’ve seen it a lot. Beautiful girls wondering “What’s wrong tonight? Nobody wants me..” I don’t want to repeat myself but French customers (or even foreigners) here can give a really hard time for the girls being ridiculously rude and ignorant.
It happened last night that I found one of the prettiest girl, who has a 100 carats smile on stage when she’s dancing, in a changing room crying. Because she felt useless in the club. Because she didn’t make money. (But it never about only the money.) I just went to her and gave her a hug. We are all far from our family, from our friends, the customers are assholes, the girls are bitches, all we need sometimes some emotional support that we are not alone. Fuck all the practical advice that “you have to leave your emotions at the front door when you come to work, you have to be like a robot etc.” We all know that. (Although I don’t want to be a robot, I would rather cry in the changing room but still happy that I have feelings.) She didn’t need to hear that again and again, her brain already knows that. She just needed a hug. (I hope, dear men you listen very well!!!) I hugged her. Because I know the feeling, I have been in the same situation not only once and I got a hug from another girl. I would just encourage the other dancers if they see a colleague crying, give her a few encouraging words and a big hug (and some tissues) It can make a huge difference! This girl after was smiling again and she could make her money. And she was telling me “Oh you are so nice!” Not because I’m nice. Because I do CARE!
This job is purely about luck. Sometimes I feel good, I feel sexy, smiling and still can’t make money. That’s it. It’s not my day. I had Friday nights in a full club where everyone made money, I was sitting on the sofa all night. Every single guy I tried to talk to, said NO to me. Some days like that. A few idiots came to me saying “you are the hottest girl in the room, why are you sitting here alone?”Because I want to be alone right now, when everyone else is drunk and I’m the only sober person in the whole club, you want me to entertain you? Why didn’t come to me at the beginning of the night when I was in the mood for drinking??? Now I need lots of alcohol in a short time to get to your level and we’re closing soon, so no, thank you. I’d rather sit here alone and watch how you guys get wasted and hilariously stupid. I swear, it’s better than a cinema!
It’s strange but I also noticed that in a few days before and during my period I don’t work well. I don’t know why. One idiot gave me the most logical answer: “maybe your pussy smells!” Hahaha. I thought I’d just gonna slap him. In the XXI. century with all those intim hygienical tissues, creams and shower gels it’s not a case. It’s more likely to be linked to my emotional level and my body gives out the signals. At this time I can’t take any rejection seriously. I’m prepared for that.
Another day I’m just lucky. It happened before that 2 am everyone was drunk and having fun and I didn’t make a penny. I already gave up on that night. I was sitting at the edge of the bar waiting to go home. Suddenly a guy arrived and he came straight to me. “Hello, I’m Pierre. Would you like some champagne?” Oh yes, please! Bring it to me! Without asking me he ordered an expensive bottle. He was absolutely nice, easy-going, chilled out guy and we had a great time. I had maybe 4 dances with him. Then he saw a girl that he knew for before so I invited that girl to our table. We had 1 or 2 more bottles of champagne and we ended up having 18 dances each! That was a good night for me although it didn’t seem to happen at the beginning.
And I have a book recommendation at the end: FUCK IT: The Ultimate Spiritual Way by John. C. Parkin. It’s a very good book about how to deal with situations in our life simply just say fuck it to the problems and let them go. It’s a must-read!