My thoughts on dick pics

Once in London, I finished my shift and I was in a hurry to catch my night bus from Tottenham Court Road. I was at the bus stop when a young guy stepped in front of me holding his mobile close to my face.
Look!”
It was a picture of a – I suggest his – penis. It’s okay to be proud of your precious male part, but why do you think I want to see it, especially in this way of presentation? Is this the only thing you can offer to a woman, does it make you a man?

I don’t understand the male behaviour when they send a picture of their penises before sending a photo of their faces.
Lots of theories are out there, but I – as a simple woman – cannot understand that. I’m not talking about when the man is in a naughty mood with someone and the two are exchanging superheated messages and erotic fantasies. As a part of that, I have sent pictures of myself and I will. I’m not a prude. And in this circumstance, I find it natural to satisfy someone’s curiosity how you look or send a picture what kind of effect you make on the other person’s body in that very moment on the other end of the virtual world. In long distant relationships, they are a different question, it’s a reward to know that my partner is thinking about me even if he’s miles away.
But these unwanted R-rated sexual photos from guys are the biggest turn off for women.
If you’re a woman, have you ever received an unsolicited dick photo from a guy and thought, “What the hell was he thinking?” You’re chatting with some guy online, you think it might progress to a date and then, suddenly there is a random picture of his penis with the meaning: I’m ready for you! Or if you don’t answer their messages, they will show you what you’re missing out in this way. It’s surely not appropriate sexual behaviour or at least not when you want to get to know somebody.
I have to tell you dear Gents, those pictures are unwelcome. Most women appreciate a good body including the male part, but we are really turned on by the man’s intellect, his gentleness and his strength. I’d like to know these qualities before he expresses himself sexually, not vice versa.
Something about this particular type of exhibitionism is really irresistible to some men. Of course, women are also curious, but when we ask for these kinds of pictures or when we are happy to accept them, we are already turned on by the man’s other male aspects like the strength of character or intelligence. The female brain is wired in a totally different way than the male brain that’s why men can be turned on easier by visually sexy effects. Dear men, for the women it works differently, please try to understand that! Actually, most of us can be turned off by receiving this kind of treatment. I wouldn’t even want to know what these men think would be appropriate to send if we are in a relationship!
We live in an age of narcissism where many people believe that they are better than they really are, or sexier than they are.
Some guys out there are really into themselves and their phalluses, and they assume that the woman will be, too, and she will send a sexy picture to them in return. They might think in that way: “I showed you mine, now you show me yours!” Some of them are insecure about their penises and silently they ask for approval, others are uncomfortable to properly express themselves with words that they want to have sex with a girl, so they send a picture of their penises instead. Others use it as a form of sexual harassment.

Women do not find pictures of penises to be aesthetically pleasing at all. We find the whole man we like pleasing, not only his manhood. Men fundamentally misunderstand how most women feel about these type of pictures. And they truly believe it works.

(From the book Bedtime Stories from Stripperland)

The way to a stripper’s heart

“On my journey, I have met lots of different men. Some were saints, others were sinners. If my Prince Charming hasn’t come to me on this road, I decided to set out for him. Somewhere our paths will meet and I will recognise in him the man I was waiting for in my entire life, it doesn’t matter what kind of disguise he wears to hide his true self.”

I wrote in my book if I met the right guy, I would recognise him whatever mask he wears. By the time I finished the book, I met someone special at work. I met him in the period when my book was finished but hadn’t been published yet.

How funny, I didn’t want to approach him at the beginning. He was playing on the slot machine and I didn’t want to disturb him, but my boss poked me:
“Go to him, he’s a good  customer!”

He called me and treated me like a Princess from the beginning. Can you imagine how much the other girls in the club hated me because of that?? (I wonder if he knew about what kind of book I was working on..)
In that shitty club I was working, he made me feel special.

He was not perfect, but I’m not perfect either. We had some fights, especially when I was drunk at work and I was more passionate about everything than usual. But we found compromises in everything that brought problems to the table. Sometimes the situation was a bit overheated but a few days later we were just laughing at it.

When I changed clubs and needed to travel to another city, he offered me his help that he could take me there in his car and I accepted it with no fears.
When one week later he visited me on that new place, I did something I’ve never ever done before: I paid his bill in the club because he didn’t have enough cash. He didn’t ask, I offered.
I sneaked out from work to my room above the club and brought him the money. You see, I’m not your average stripper! Paying the customer’s bill (5 bottles of expensive champagne) sounds pretty crazy, right? But I trusted him from the beginning and he paid back the last penny I gave him.
Maybe he was not my Mr Right, but he treated me in the right way as man never treated me before. It was not about the five-star hotels, but I’m not gonna lie, I loved that luxury. It was about how he opened the door for me in those hotels and how he helped me with the luggage. Or when a drunk guy at work tried to convince me why I needed immediately to have sex with him, he saw the situation, got my hand without a word and escorted me to his table. In that move there was no possession, “this is my girl” or anything, just the well-known old chivalry.

Lots of guys just dream about dating a stripper. Well, if they behave like most of our customers, no wonder why they don’t have a chance. How to put it in the right way: you have 20 balls in front of you, 19 red and only one blue. The blue one will get your attention, simply because it’s different from the others.
I’m a stripper but also a woman. And just because I’m a stripper, I don’t tolerate misbehaved guys, I would rather go for someone who is different, who knows how to treat a woman and make her feel special.

 

How men approach a stripper

My job is to approach clients, I keep it in mind. But different men, different rules. Some don’t even bother to be nice, when he sees I’m going to his table, just lifts up his hand in the air showing I’m not welcome there. Others are talking to me for long minutes without buying me a drink and then they are surprised why I stop answering them or apologise that I must go to work.
So let’s see here what are the most behaviour of men in approaching a dancer:
The shy guy – He never approaches the girl. He is sitting alone or with a friend holding his drink. If the girl smiles at him, he’s embarrassed. Usually, he waits until the girl goes over to his table. (I would say this is the most common type of customers.)
The self-confident type – He comes to the girl with a wide smile and speaks very loud. I’m his “babe” from the very first minute. He needs all the attention of all the girls. And he can be pretty upset if he doesn’t get it.
The drunk guy – When he comes to you, you can’t decide he comes to you or the girl next to you. He’s walking in zigzag. And when he starts to speak, you can’t focus on his words but a very bad smell from his mouth from the alcohol he previously drunk. If the girl can manage to take him into the private, maybe he falls asleep.
I’ve seen a private closed with curtains because a drunk guy was sleeping on the floor in an unbelievable pose. His only luck was that he spent enough money so the manager decided to let him sleep there.
These guys usually will come back the next day because they lost something.
The bachelor – He is not my favourite. He comes to the club in a ridiculous outfit in some country. South Africa is the winner, there I saw guys dressed up as a woman, Superman, a bride, the Pink Panther and the most popular was a baby outfit holding a dummy or some alcohol in a baby bottle. He usually arrives fucked up drunk with his friend. And usually, his friends have more fun than himself. In a lucky day, they ask for a special show on stage that usually ends with the poor guy being beaten up with his own belt. But lots of time they are annoying not to know what exactly they want.
The complete liar – He comes to you with a complete lie. I had a guy who said he is in the military but probably I have more muscles than him. And when his friend came over I asked him if he is also military and he said yes, I was just laughing. Unbelievable some guys what kind of lies are able to say just to impress a woman!
The desperate guy – Desperately needs sex. If he has money, he will offer a bigger amount to go for a “dinner” with him. If he is a cheaper type, he offers a smaller amount. Or if he’s really a cheap one, he tells you he will pay you a dance only if he can touch you or you give him a handjob.

And our dream guy – He’s polite and clean. Smiles at you and invite you for a drink. He knows what kind of place he entered and respects the rules. He doesn’t need to spend a lot, but he knows we are there to work and he doesn’t waste our time. If he doesn’t like the girl, he is able to tell that politely(!) not like “I want a girl with bigger boobs”

Luckily you can find these type in clubs too!
 
 

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 2.

“How would dancers feel about giving their sexual partner, or someone that they are in a long-term relationship with a lap-dance? If they would do a lap-dance for them, would they do a different routine to the one that they do at work, and why?”

“Do you think that dancers wear the same underwear at home with their partners as they would at work? Would they wear stockings, g-strings or heels?”

I can not talk about others. I only can tell you about my private sex life. I never gave a lap dance to my actual partner. Some might think a stripper in her private life has an intense sex drive and the knowledge of all the Kama Sutra positions, but it’s not necessarily true. I know girls working in clubs and they are quite shy in private life with their partner when it comes to sex. Here I’m not talking about dating, usually my – not so serious – dates request to bring all those sexy stuff if they know I’m a dancer – one asked me to bring a pole and do a show for him. Of course, my dearest desire to carry 15kg plus with me on my date! Not to mention if I do a show, I get paid for it. Actually, it’s a good filter if I can to take the guy seriously because he interested in me or he just wants some fun with a sexy lady.
For me, if I’m in a long-term relationship, I don’t like wearing my work uniform during sex (even if I have a sexier one than the Metropolitan Police), unless my partner wants me to wear them. I prefer no stockings, no suspenders, no g-strings. A’la naturale. I don’t want to feel I’m working, I’m not posing or teasing like at work, but I try to create an intimate atmosphere what I don’t always do with customers. Probably it works for guys in the same way as they want to see me with no make-up on, and I heard often how sexy I am in my nighties or wearing nothing just a simple t-shirt. How strange that it works in a different way as it works for an average woman! They want to feel sexy and they’re buying all those sexy lingerie sets with lace, silk, satin and God know what else, while I want to forget about them. For me, the sexy lingerie set is for Birthdays and Bank Holidays only. 🙂
Why would a guy prefer me being naked or wearing a t-shirt (especially if it’s his) over some sexy lace? The sexy lingerie is just a big show off. It reminds him of the working girl on stage. He wants to see the woman behind the scenes. It gives him the feeling that I belong to him and only to him. Anybody can see me wearing a sexy set on stage, but only he can see me in my home clothes without ten layers of makeup. In this way, he feels more special.
You asked about the routine, what I would do differently. Even if I decide to give a lap-dance to my partner, kissing would be a huge part of the dance. I don’t kiss every customer. And once we start kissing, it would lead us into a foreplay which is not what I do at my work. He would have access to the area on my body that is a big no-no for customers. Not necessary the private parts. I hate when a customer that I don’t even know wants to kiss my neck, but I really enjoy when my partner does it and for me, it’s a big turn on for example. And one more thing would be a huge difference with my partner: there is no time limit! No secretly watching the clock on the wall how many minutes left from the dance. Unfortunately, if he behaves badly, there is also no security there! 🙂 At work, I always have to be eager what’s happening around me while with my partner I just want to get lost in the moment. And it’s a huge difference indeed. I know, I’m a stripper. But such a romantic at the same time!

Is there Life after stripping?

Well, I really hope so as I’m not planning to shake my tities in my fifties. I’ve already heard a few comments like “you are too old for this”. But who decides when a stripper must quit from this lifestyle? It depends on her and only on her. I’ve seen older women – I mean much older than me – still beautiful, smiling and entertaining all night. And they still enjoy! That’s her whole life! One of my boss and owner of a strip club told me these girls need attention constantly. It’s their drugs. Without the stage, the spotlights and being in a centre of attention they are lost. I agree with him although I never had this addiction. As I spend more time in this industry, I enjoy less being on the stage and more intelligent conversations with different people.
I also heard from customers that at that age I should concentrate on my carrier in a normal day job and cooking Sunday roast to my husband and kids. This is only a stereotype. Actually, I’m very happy that I don’t have kids. For me travelling the world and teasing men it’s not expectable if you have a baby at home. I’ve seen lots of girls crying because they are away from their babies. In South Africa, I worked with a Brazilian girl who was still breastfeeding, and the baby was in Brazil. For me, this is a big NO! And I always answer to these guys, I don’t want a baby. They look at me surprisingly. But it’s true. I don’t want only a baby. I want a family. The whole package. Husband, kids, home, garden, a dog, a cat and a goldfish. I know you smile, but I still won’t be happy as a single mum with a crying baby doing night shifts.
Lots of girls are waiting for their Prince Charming to ride up in his white BMW, rescue them from the club and ensure them a secure lifestyle. (Mine got lost somewhere on his way!) They want to be taken away from this job and working for a living. They want to live in a big house with a housekeeper and a driver. But we know from fairy tales that sooner or later there will be a witch or the mean stepmother (a new lover or the ex-wife). Some of my friends found true love during working in nightclubs and I’m happy for them. They settled down in foreign countries, getting engaged or having babies. Most of all, they are happy. Ah, I know where is my Prince Charming! He has such a big heart, he sold his beautiful white horse to buy me a ring! Now he’s riding a donkey and poor animal is just so slow.
Seriously talking, after six years of being a lady of the night, I decided to step out to the daylight. I started this blog almost a year ago. I never thought but I really enjoy writing it. And checking the statistics I’m surprised that so many people follow and send me emails with lots of questions and saying “What a refreshing and interesting blog! I think a stripper who studies Japanese and know psychology should be deserving of every guy’s interest.” Last week I got an email from a university student and she asked me if I would help her writing her dissertation about lap-dance experience. I’m happy to help and also that not only men read my blog.
But my final goal is – to be honest – to write a book. I have the whole concept in my head but it takes time. So now I try to work less at night and focus on writing daytime. At least it keeps me busy and entertained until my Prince Charming arrives on his donkey.