stripper Archives - HeartBrokenStilettos

The Study of the Hustle (Part 2.)

In the second part of the interview this gorgeous babe, Wendy, is talking about how to gain strength, resilience and a powerful mindset via self-development and how to reach your goals and improve your income.

How was your first private dance experience?

I honestly don’t remember, I was probably very enthusiastic, over the top, drunk and making moves to produce shock value. Lol, I’ve always loved shock value, and I’ve always loved stripping haha so I shutter to imagine what my first dance would have been like. Sorry, I can’t be more specific!

Do you remember what your biggest struggle was when you started dancing, and what is it now? Has it changed or it’s still the same?

My biggest struggle was probably alcohol and also telling my family what I do. It took me five years to tell my family that I was dancing and I was so scared! I felt like I was their little girl and that I shouldn’t be doing it. When I told my brothers, they were so supportive, and one of them even said to me that I am so smart to be doing it (which is flattering as he is a genius and writes computer languages for banks trading.) The first thing my mum said was, “Well, you’d be good at it!” I felt so relieved and couldn’t believe it took me five years to tell everyone. I found getting it off my chest made my hustle and mindset even stronger!

Now, that I’m getting older, I find the late nights are getting harder, but that’s ok, mind over matter, and when I’m making money, I can persevere. I always stay until the doors close!

If you could give only one advice to baby strippers, what it would be?

Start journaling, researching and learning, treat this job as a career. Save of course, and invest your money. You can learn to become a stripper who earns consistent excellent money. You can create your future; you can invest in yourself and your life and be independent in all ways. Take control of your life, take control of your mindset and create a beautiful life and future! You are responsible for your life and get to know yourself, including, what you want, what your passions are, what you want to build and create. If you don’t decide, someone else will do for you! And that’s no joke!

Some girls hate themselves for doing this job. They belittle themselves; they poison their relationships around them, cut their family bond; they become bitter and start using alcohol/drugs. How do you keep yourself healthy and mentally stable?

My road to happiness has been long, and I have put an enormous amount of work into my wellbeing. I am not perfect, and I still work at it all of the time. I have invested a lot in personal development. I have a psychoanalyst, whom I have seen twice a week for over five years. I find connecting to self fascinating. It builds strength, resilience and a powerful mindset. I also do many other facets of self-development, including working with my beautiful coaches, both supporting me on a personal, business and spiritual level. I feel very connected to the universe, and I believe I have a strong intuition. I find it essential to connect to and listen to my inner guidance; this helps to keep me centred and happy. At times I judge myself harshly, then I remind myself, to allow everything to be as it is, and that if we are made of the same matter as the universe, why judge myself when it makes no sense to judge the universe. We must accept all parts of ourselves, even our shadows as they play a role for us as well! Spirituality, self-acceptance, self-development and overall enjoyment of life is a different journey for everybody. For me, I love to explore this as the changes I have made have been profound; many people notice. My life has improved in all areas, from abundance, health, family, relationships, spirituality and purpose. It is confronting work to delve, but it is priceless.

I have explored, psychoanalysis, coaching, kinesiology, breathwork, plant medicine, Reiki, other spiritual practices. I don’t discriminate. I also love fitness. It helps me on a mind and body level too, I like to keep up with fitness aiming for 4-5 times per week and daily walks. It helps to maintain, my body, a positive state of mind, grounding and also sleep and generally elevated moods. I also love to eat a very healthy diet, 90% plant-based and some seafood. I don’t eat other meats or dairy, and I love to listen to my body and what she needs. I don’t eat to excess, I feel all of these little pieces to the puzzle help to maintain a happy and healthy life, and this is reflected in work as it attracts abundance as your efforts are broadcast energetically.

As I mentioned earlier, I was never a hard hustler. I’m not qualified to teach how to do the hustle right, but I can tell a lot about the negative thoughts in my head that often stopped me from making the desired amount of money. How and why did you start coaching? You have also studied specific courses and are very passionate about hustling. What kind of classes did you do to maximise your earnings and to be able to help other dancers?

As I have been mentioning, any work where you can develop yourself as a person is useful. I have studied NLP life coaching, hypnosis, other energetic courses, body language courses, one on one professional sales coaching, spiritual and business coaches etc. The list goes on! I had picked what was relevant from all of these studies and combined that information with my own experience of nearly a decade of dancing. I first started this journey to help other dancers, when a colleague of mine hadn’t made any money in weeks, like literally. I gave her a few tips and bang! She made over $1000.

I continued to do this with many dancers and thus began my journey of educating myself to feel confident enough to coach appropriately. This included not only months and months of study but about two years of analysing my hustle, including what works what doesn’t work? Logging everything, recording myself doing endless hustle roleplays and investigating that. Finding patterns and creating systems. I am confident in hustling and maintain a consistent income. I want to give back to an industry which I love, which has given me so much. I want to see everyone make money and increase their confidence as I know it’s possible, only it takes work. I want customers to leave the club having spent their money and to feel positive about the experience and interaction, wanting to come back and spend more time and time again! Our industry is needed, and it is fantastic, and I genuinely want to give back and help everyone involved to make the most of their experience, whether it be the dancers or the customers!

Can you tell us more about your tailored coaching?

Yes, I conduct via Skype. They are tailored to each individual’s specific needs, so in our initial chat, I identify where there may be some issues. I love to focus on two sides of the hustle. One is the mindset, and the other is specific sales/hustle techniques and strategies. If there is some limitation interfering with the ability to hustle strongly, for example, lack of confidence, anxiety, poor beliefs around money or low self-worth etc., I address those using specific mindset techniques, and then I am clear to coach on proven strategies. There is no point giving hustle techniques to someone who suffers, for example, high anxiety and doesn’t feel comfortable approaching customers, let alone persevering after they hear a no! Our job is 100% commission, and if you can’t approach people or hustle confidently, it is a hard jam, and some dancers can become entirely effected.

If for example, you have no dramas approaching customers, however, you struggle to convert conversations to dances and upselling, I identify this and give appropriate structure around the selling side of the hustle. Everyone is unique, and I help to facilitate each individual to reach their goals and ultimately improve their income and enjoyment of their career and quite often their life outside of work as well.

My website will be live very shortly, as of July 2019. It will have free audios designed for mindset while preparing for work and also for winding down after work. Also, information detailing my interactive workshops available in Australia are in person.

www.stripology.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/stripology_studyofthehustle/

Thank you for the interview, Wendy!

The Study of the Hustle

To be honest, I was never a hard hustler. Some men like the straight approach “do you want a dance?” while others hate it. Dancers do rounds in the club with this approach; they tend to bounce from guy to guy. I like to observe. Sometimes the management is pissed off because it seems I just sit and don’t do my work, but I make eye-contacts. I can feel who’s intrigued enough. I don’t know if it’s good or not, but it works for me.

I’ve never done coaching for my fellow dancers, but I never turned my back to those who were asking for help or information. I genuinely believe the sex industry needs more and more people who come out of the shell and talk openly about personal experiences because being judgemental and pointing out a finger never helped anyone. Because of social stigma, sex work can be a lonely activity.

Luckily, many girls, like Wendy offer to coach and you can ask her about anything you’ve always wanted to learn. Once you are in the business, then do it well! Right?

Tell us a little bit about yourself, where do you live, how did you start dancing?

Hi, my dancer name is Bunny; however, in my everyday life, people call me Wendy. I grew up in Brisbane, for the past seven years I live in Perth, Western Australia. I am 34 turning 35 in November. I grew up practising gymnastics and soccer and always had an active boyish type of energy about me. I have four brothers and no sisters. I always felt drawn towards the stripping industry and often checked to see if I had a dollar coin in my purse if I ever passed a peep show. I studied a bachelor of science once I left school and during this time, I wanted to be a stripper; however, I suffered terrible body image and also chose very abusive boyfriends, my confidence was shot! I used to occasionally visit strip clubs and feel in awe of the beautiful dancers and how their life must be. One night, I think my perfect chance and serendipity (only upon reflection) I was out partying and fell victim to a random glassing (the attack was aimed at somebody else) my lip was almost cut off. I received compensation, and during my reconstructive surgery on my mouth, I also opted for a boob job. I was so broke and focusing on survival and my studies, I never in my wildest dreams thought I could ever afford this! I understand everyone is different, this was my body image issue, and nobody ever saw me naked until this point, and it was one month before my 25^th birthday. This event changed the course of my life. I finished my study and worked as a genetic scientist for several years, and moonlighting stripping on the weekends. Eventually, after nearly four years of working two jobs seven days, I was getting burnt out, and so I decided to quit my day job and focus purely on my stripping career. (This was a very intense, tough decision; however, I am glad I made it.) My life started to elevate, and I had never been happier. I realised this is what I am meant to do, and I felt in flow and alignment. Now I have been dancing for 9+ years and have not returned to science.

The first impression is essential. How do you approach customers and convince them to pay you?

I have analysed the entire hustling process, from approaching the customer and all of the fine details involved in this process to converting the conversation to dances and finally onto the upgrades and extensions. It is a very detailed process, and there is no magic one line, that will help you to make money. You must be aware of your entire self, from grooming, body language, body placement, facial expressions, voice tonality, your self-talk, vibe and aura. It can be a simple process or a very complex one, depending on how you want to look at it.

Our brain decides on how we feel about someone when we first meet them within the first 4 seconds. We have already determined whether we like or trust this person, what their intentions are. Whether or not they are a threat or whether they are likeable? Our brain does a massive amount of work during our initial contact with another human, and that is why we must pay attention to the message we put forth in that initial interaction. People only (generally) want to do business with people that they like and trust and that is why we need to express this message without saying “Hi, please like and trust me!” via our body language and subtle ques. 60-90% of our communication is non-verbal, so being aware of this is a must!

One other thing regarding first impressions; your self-talk and internal environment play a huge role in your approach and first impressions. A positive or even neutral, non-reactive and open mindstate is your best weapon as a strong and consistent hustler. This is my favourite topic, as this is where all of your strength resides, this is allowing you to excel in this profession.

Convincing them to pay you is a whole other kettle of fish. I will mention the big picture of this without getting into detail. First of all, we must find out what the customers like or want and deliver this back to them. No point trying to sell someone a book when they want a jacket! So, find out what they want! That is your job as an entertainer. It is not what you can get; it is about what you can give! It is the customer’s night, we are their entertainers, with a giving mentality you will not meet with scarcity. If you are focused on what you want and what you are not getting/or can get etc., that is a scarcity mentality. People can smell it on you, and you will express it unconsciously and therefore come across as somehow a threat or untrustworthy and off-putting. Always remember, it’s about what can you GIVE not what can you GET! I have a formula which makes it easy to convert conversation into lap dances/cash, which incorporates this mentality into a natural flow. It is versatile; however, it requires a small amount of groundwork to put into practice.

How to keep customers longer in the private room? What is the best way to keep them interested in paying more?

To keep your customer longer in the private room, interested and paying more, you need to establish a connection. Again, if you have found out what your customer is after, you need to deliver this. I have done my own market research with customers over the years and the top reasons our customers visit us are having fun (banter, hype, commonality, the shared sense of humour) and sexual connection (flirting, seduction, flattery, dirty talk or fantasies etc.) and usually a combination of the two. If you can find out exactly what they are after and deliver this to them, you have a customer who will not want to leave.

As a cherry on top, to offer them an authentic YOU where they can see the real you and they in return can be themselves (this can be rare these days) you will be offering them an invaluable service, and your pay and their appreciation will reflect this!

www.stripology.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/stripology_studyofthehustle/

Interview with Amira, the @sacredstripper

I follow Amira’s work on Instagram and was very pleased when she said yes for this interview. I like and appreciate the services that she offers for other sex workers for spiritual healing, these days it’s very much needed. We’re constantly interacting with people using our private zone, not like a waitress, who takes the order, serves the customer and leaves the table. We let any drunken, ignorant, drugged person enter our comfort zone and it’s so easy to collect all the negative energies, emotional rubbish from them. We have to deal with rejection, more than one time a night, and we have to participate in mind games. Indeed, it can easily lead us to burn out, alcohol and/or drug abuse.

Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

I am a 34-year-old u.s. born Palestinian with 10 years of experience in the adult entertainment industry. I am mixed and I have one parent that’s an Arab Muslim immigrant and one that is a white Christian “American.” I’m also queer and part of the LGBTQ community. Because of these identities, I’m able to comfortably mix and mingle with a lot of different people and easily blend into a variety of environments. At the same time, I experience rampant discrimination for being Palestinian, queer, Muslim, a sex worker, just like everyone else who is a part of these identities, except I experience it in my own way and they experience it in theirs. It’s important to me to claim these parts of my identities but I don’t claim to speak for anyone else because we all have very different experiences of life. I don’t want to collapse myself either or let people think they know me just because they know my label.

Amira Barakat al-Baladi is my stage name and the name of my sex work persona. My family name is Nadia Ann Abou-Karr. Amira is an aspect of me, just like Nadia is.

How did you get involved in sex work?

I was working as a community organizer but the organizations I worked for weren’t paying me enough. I needed more income. I decided to leave the relationship I was in, which was going nowhere, and spend the time I would normally spend with him, working as a webcam model instead. It was fun and the money was good, but I was greedy and I wanted more. So I started finding clients as a non-pro (non-professional) on Craigslist and other dating sites. I would meet up with them like it was a date, and then charge them to have sex with me. Even just taking a couple of clients per week made a huge impact on my bills and my quality of life, so that when my chronic illness got more severe and I was laid off from my non-profit jobs, I was able to regroup while still being able to support myself and move to Atlanta, where my hustle took off. Ten years later, I have worked in so many different aspects of the industry including porn, escorting, professional BDSM, webcam, phone sex, fetish modelling and sensual bodywork. I’ve even helped other workers get involved in sex work and improve their business. I don’t work full time as a sex worker anymore but I still include it as one of my multiple streams of income. I’m now becoming a hybrid version of a sex worker/energy therapist/teacher.

What is your best advice for girls in this industry?

Have boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let people cross your boundaries. It’s better to walk away, to go home early, to not take that client you have a funny feeling about. Sometimes missing out on money saves you money when it comes to being able to rest and preserve your sanity and peace of mind. Take good care of yourself. Don’t give discounts. Don’t talk yourself into settling for less. It’s ok to run a special every now and then but don’t convince yourself you have to accept whatever you can get. Working smarter and not harder is the key to your longevity in this game. Charge more. If you charge higher prices that means you work less. Work with what you got and capitalize on your assets to charge as much as you possibly can when and where you know you’ll be compensated best. Never feel guilty or apologize for it.

You do holistic healing and give spiritual support to other sex workers. How do you clean your own energy?

I always sleep with crystals and herbs in my bed. I change them depending on the time of the month and the particular issues I’m dealing with at the time. I do self-healing techniques on myself including EFT which I teach on my live stream on IG, and Reiki energy healing, which I teach in my Heaven on Earth Holistic Healing class. I take lots of baths, which I soak in anywhere from 40 minutes to 6 hours. The more I do this work of helping others to heal, the more time I have to spend doing my own self-care in order to feel whole, balanced, and not burnt out.

What kind of services do you offer for fellow sex workers?

I’m always dreaming of more offerings I can share with my community. I’m really excited to be able to be part of this interview and tell you about myself and what I am doing, in my own words. First, I encourage other sex workers to be themselves and to contribute to our community. I think we all have something to give and we are all very special people. We get so much hate and animosity thrown on us from outsiders and even from the people within our circles who we regularly interact with like clients, coworkers, management and more. So at times, it can be very discouraging. We need support and support is a huge part of what I offer for fellow sex workers. As a stripper, escort, fetish artist, sensual masseuse, aesthetician and makeup artist, I became used to working closely with the body and experiencing the energy from other people. I began to use mantras and intentions to work consciously with that energy, not knowing that what I was doing naturally was very similar to the energy healing technique known as “Reiki.” I found that out when I became certified in Reiki, first in level I and II in Las Vegas, NV in 2016, and then as a Reiki master in Detroit in 2017. I had already received Reiki treatments from people in my community starting in 2011 but I never considered learning how to do it until 2014 during a major spiritual awakening in which I began seeing the reiki symbol and other esoteric symbols spelt out for me in sticks and fallen pine needles during my daily runs. This is after years and years of already investing time, effort and money into my spiritual journey starting in 2011 with my first spiritual detox. I now offer my support to sex workers who are also learning to make sense of the supernatural occurrences they experience and follow the signs they receive towards a better quality of life. My spiritual coaching sessions are a mixture of counselling, support, energy clearing and cord cutting, and some light bullying when you need an extra push. They are for people who want to develop their spiritual gifts and need some help, some accountability, and someone to talk to along the way. I’ll always give you messages from your spirit guides and help you tune into your intuition when you need some support finding your way back to yourself. I use my gifts, to help you recognize and utilize your gifts. Everything I do is guided intuitively so each session is a little different based on that person’s needs. I have learned to just trust and go with it when sessions deviate from the norm or from my expectations because spirit knows best. In my energy healing sessions, I focus in on clearing the chakras, the aura, cutting away energy cords and past connections that no longer serve you, and supporting that transformational healing work of releasing baggage and sifting through traumatic experiences on a deeper level. I help you access your intuition, your spirit guides, your past life memories, and your spiritual gifts. I also do tarot card readings for those looking for a little bit of guidance.

I’m excited to begin offering my Reiki Certification Class at the end of August in Detroit! From there I’ll be touring throughout the U.S. and Canada wherever I’m invited to offer this class. In this class, you’ll learn how to use energy healing for more profit, fun and success at work in the sex industry, for your own personal healing and the healing of your loved ones, and in your own holistic healing business. This can be a side career that complements your adult entertainment work or an exit plan if you are ready to leave sex work or simply just need a break. I’ll also be teaching my Heaven on Earth: Holistic Healing for Hoes workshop in Detroit at the beginning of September and bringing that community-based workshop along on my tour. In this workshop, I teach some of the same self-healing modalities I teach on my IG live stream and to my clients in sessions. These techniques include meditation, body movement, crystals, dream interpretation, emotional freedom therapy (aka “tapping”) and more. We don’t have enough support systems built in for us when we experience trauma, so I offer these classes and workshops as a way to help us build support for ourselves and each other during the critical times when we need it the most. This enables us to have the skills that we need to care for ourselves and support each other during times of spiritual transformation and social unrest when we are most vulnerable to violence, abuse, suicide, self-harm and spiritual attack. It is my goal for all of us sex workers (aka Sex Goddesses) to be able to awaken and cultivate our spiritual gifts for the good of all and to be recognized for the powerful healing work we’re already doing which benefits everyone.

Visit www.sacredstripper.com and @SacredStripper on Instagram and Twitter for more!

Thank you, Amira!

We are more than ‘just’ strippers

I started the blog to tell my own little secrets and experiences about the stripper’s life, but I’m more and more determined and want to do something for the sex worker community.

I’m a stripper and a writer. I write books about my experiences as a dancer (good and bad, but totally honest) and try to fight against the social stigma that we have to wear. I already have one book I wrote about the average customers of the clubs because we are judged by society but no one talks about those who come to the clubs with their requests. The book I’m currently working on will be about what’s happening in the private, slut-shaming, sex, strippers’ relationships and so on and I’d like to use a few words, stories and opinion of other strippers too. If you’d like to share your opinion with me that could fit in the book, it would be very much appreciated. (with your stripper’s name, age, and country)

What would be your few words message to the ‘normal’ world about our life? If you could only get one point across to the world, what could you say?

We need to raise our voice and together we are louder.

Lately, I thought I should extend this blog with other dancers’ and sex workers’ experiences. I don’t want to make our work fancy and appealing to others to join but those that already work in this industry I wish to be more understood. When you watch some movies, we are displayed as alcoholic and druggies and girls with daddy issues, but our work, our life is more than that and there are girls who were able to stand up for themselves. I just want to show the community that we made our choices and have nothing to be ashamed of. I’d like to introduce girls, artists, businesswomen who grew from this industry and became beautiful, strong and independent spirits. My aim is to show the world that we are not only strippers but talented, kind-hearted, hard-working individuals. You can write your own introduction with photos and links you’d like to share or we can do that in the form of an interview.

Let me know if you’re interested or if you know someone who would be interested.

Email: heartbrokenstilettos@gmail.com

Thank you!

Lindsay

Women in the club

It’s quite funny to see when a woman comes to the club and she tries to outdo the strippers. I told you earlier, there is such a big competition between the girls already, but some female customers want to show us she can get the same attention, without knowing anything about our job. She asks if she’s allowed to go on stage and do a dance. Usually, the little devil whispers in his ears and the manager doesn’t say no, just for fun. But for us, it’s just pathetic seeing a “normal” woman trying to spin on the pole and seduce the audience, just like we do. Yes, usually she’s drunk as hell, and her movement is uncoordinated.

She has no idea that dancing on stage is just one little part of our work, selling drinks, participating in mind games and dealing with difficult customers require more, than just having the courage to take off our bra in public.

Sometimes they didn’t even ask if they can go on stage; it happened in Belgium that two women came in with their partners, they ordered a bottle of champagne, and all night they were running around the club without their blouses. Although the worst, when a dancer of another club comes in and she wants to show off on stage that she’s better than everybody in the room. Women, eh? Do you believe now that it is such a competitive world?

In Luxembourg, I remember there were two men and a woman, they were colleagues and they came in after a company event. They were pretty pissed already but booked me in the open VIP lounge with a bottle of champagne. I, the stripper was elegantly sitting on the sofa drinking the champagne while the woman was taking the alcohol like a sponge. The guys begged me to do a striptease, but they didn’t want to pay for a private dance – and in that case, I don’t earn money – so I danced a little for both men but with my clothes on. Just for a little teasing, they might change their minds and be willing to pay for a private dance. Suddenly the woman thought she can do it better, she pushed me back to the sofa, and she started to “dance” in front of her colleagues. She took her top off, she was touching herself and rubbing her body to their crotches.

“Darling, you are way too wrong if you think this is my job!” I thought but said nothing. I was only wondering how she could look in their eyes the next day at work.

When the champagne was gone and she started to get in their pants, I decided to leave the table. There was nothing more left for me from the part of the entertaining and the sensual fantasies, she did everything to them.

I don’t compete with such a woman! They ordered one more bottle of champagne but they didn’t book another dancer. After 15 minutes out of curiosity I glanced to the VIP, it was open so I could see what was going on. One of the guys fingered her even then.

And people call me a slut because I’m a professional stripper! Isn’t it ironic?