B. Lindsay Belan, Author at HeartBrokenStilettos

Letters to the prison

It can be stressful if someone you know has been sent to prison but we have to take care of our dear regular customers, even when they go through a hard time. For me, he was not only a regular of the club but a kind of friend, a valuable person with a big heart for his friends and family and one of the most caring men I’ve ever met.

I’m thinking a lot about him and how someone’s life can change in such a short time. He was smart, but he trusted the wrong person and some of his so-called ‘friends’ took advantage of him. Someone who maybe was jealous of him or someone who got in trouble and to save his life needed to sacrifice someone’s else.

I was aware of his drug addiction and had the sense that he was also selling it, although we never talked about it openly. Many people who visited me in clubs were in the same shoes. The night clubs attract all of the junkies, gangsters, drug addicts, dealers. Maybe their families didn’t even notice but we, night people see a different face of the clients (and that’s often the real one).

Many negative things happened around him, one of his friends passed away, other friend went back to prison, other lost the restaurant because of gambling and drugs, and all dragged him in the current situation. It’s like when bad things happen around you, you attract more negativity. Lately, he was drinking a lot, plus the drugs, not like before for fun and party, but like someone who carries lots of pain. He was a regular in the club where I was working time by time, and all the girls were worried about him. He set up himself on the negative spiral that pulled him down to the black hole and dragged him to hell. Into his personalised hell. And now he’s sitting in the middle of his worst nightmare.

I wish I could see it earlier, and maybe I could change his negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones. I don’t blame myself, but surely, I was selfish and didn’t realise what was going on around him. I was busy chasing my own dreams.

One girl from the club told me what’s happened, then I immediately got in touch with his friend who told me the things don’t look so good, but he has a good lawyer. I was trying to contact him, I even wrote an email to the prison near his town asking if he’s there, but the answer was that I could write a letter, if he’s there he will get it if not, they would send it back to me. How helpful! Then I was thinking to contact his family (I’ve met his father before). I just wanted his family to know that he has my support and I’m hoping for the best for him. I didn’t want to contact him during the investigation period. The only reason why I was hesitating because I know him from a strip club, and what people usually think about strip clubs? Drugs and prostitution… I thought it would be better to wait until the investigation has finished. I knew he would understand it.

I had mixed feelings of anger, sadness and a desire to support him, but I felt powerless and confused. I was worried about him. I know it was one of his biggest fear to go to prison. Once he told me if he ever goes to jail, he will not get out from there alive.

Many questions were in my head. Is he also going through a drug rehabilitation program? Is there anything I can do for him? Would it be possible to write him some encouraging words? How is the family? I suppose they didn’t know much about his drug addiction. Were they shocked? I was lethargic for a few days after I heard what’s happened. I had no idea how he feels, what he could do there. I couldn’t even imagine how his days are passing by.

One way to offer support is by writing a letter of encouragement to him, letting him know that I’m thinking about him and sending him my best wishes and good thoughts his way. Writing letters has always been my choice, it helps me to express those emotions in a controlled way, giving me time to think about what I want to say. Just needed to realise that all the letters I write to him will be opened and read by the judge and the state attorney. So, I must be very careful and not mentioning anything about the investigation or case, especially nothing about drugs.

I believe that everything that happens to us has a higher purpose, even we don’t see it at that very moment, but we will understand when we look back. And what happened to him was the only way to stop him from this self-destructive habits and make him rethink his life. I’m also the person who’s seeking a little positivity in every bad situation. We have to take responsibility for our own acts. He knows he can’t carry on drinking and partying like before. He can’t continue where he stopped. I think the current situation will change him a better one, and I wish him the strength to hang in there. I know it’s not easy to find any positivity there, but at least we should try. I wish him to be strong and don’t let people who love him down. The world hasn’t ended yet, only is changing. Changing for a better one. And that sets him on a healthier path for the future.

I want to show him the light at the end of the tunnel. Because there is surely a light, maybe we just can’t see it right now. We just want to see the darkness.

Finally, I’ve written to him and got a reply very soon. His letter was full of jokes, so I believe he’s okay. He’s doing very well considering where he is. He still doesn’t know how long he’ll have to stay, but I hope he’ll be home soon. And I’m here for him writing him some jokes in the letter as well as stories that will lift his spirits. Even if our contact is limited during this time, it is crucial to let him know that whenever he needs me as a shoulder to lean on, I will be there. He spent an enormous amount of money on me in the club, I can’t show my back to him now. I want to support him continually. He’s worthy and loved, people, believe in him and count on him. He decided to enter drug rehab. He always thought he could control his addictions, but indeed, they controlled his body and mind. I’m proud of his decision and providing him with the determination needed to work through the many challenges that he will face during this time spent in prison.

Welcome to Hungary – Budapest, the movie

When you think about funny movies about wild bachelor party-planning with sex, drugs and rock&roll, ‘The Hangover’ comes first to mind. If you liked it, you will like the Budapest too. Critics say the movie is full of stereotypes, that Budapest is an elegant city, much nicer and sophisticated than portrayed in the movie and the directors attempt to insult people of Hungary. Indeed, some of the things in the movie were a bit exaggerated, although it’s true, after the fall of communism, some people made money offering options like to drive tanks or to fire with a Kalashnikov. But this is a movie, a comedy, nothing to take too seriously. Honestly, I don’t see the problem with this movie, overall it’s a fine comedy, it’s funny and it delivers laughs for when you don’t want to think too much.

Spoiler: Two best friends, Vincent and Arnaud stuck in boring jobs after studying at a French business school. On the occasion of a stag night, they meet a stripper who tells them about the city of Budapest. Arnaud then had the idea to create a company that would organize bachelor parties. Vincent and Arnaud are embarking on this unprecedented adventure with the help of Georgio, an expat who will help them discover the secret life of the city. They become bachelor party planners to escape the corporate rat race, promising to fulfil their clients’ wildest dreams. More and more customers are coming to Budapest, the money starts rolling in, but their lives begin to unravel as the requests get more and more outlandish.

The movie is very funny and knowing that is inspired by the real story of Aurélien Boudier and Alexandre Martucci makes it more interesting. These two college friends are the founders of Crazy-EVG, an organization of crazy stag nights, you can really visit their website and book these trips. It’s a pity that the site is only in French though.

Why is Budapest a good place for a bachelor party? Cliché or not, the Hungarian capital is a place filled with young tourist from every country, huge clubs where alcohol flows freely and beautiful girls. 4Play Lounge advertises itself as the best and safest strip club in Budapest, ideal for organising bachelor parties. In my first book, I said not so nice things about strip clubs’ safety in Budapest as I’ve heard from people that overcharging and robbing customers were common, but that was before I worked at 4Play a few days last summer. (Yes, it was only a few days, you know me, I prefer to travel.) 4Play Lounge focuses on customer’s safety and satisfaction, they keep the club a safe and fun environment, I truly can recommend them.

In the movie, they offer the guys a dream program such as driving a tank, shooting AK-47, limo, striptease, and so on. How does a strip club make a bachelor party special? What kind of program do they offer? Find it out: https://www.4playlounge.com/

The Study of the Hustle (Part 2.)

In the second part of the interview this gorgeous babe, Wendy, is talking about how to gain strength, resilience and a powerful mindset via self-development and how to reach your goals and improve your income.

How was your first private dance experience?

I honestly don’t remember, I was probably very enthusiastic, over the top, drunk and making moves to produce shock value. Lol, I’ve always loved shock value, and I’ve always loved stripping haha so I shutter to imagine what my first dance would have been like. Sorry, I can’t be more specific!

Do you remember what your biggest struggle was when you started dancing, and what is it now? Has it changed or it’s still the same?

My biggest struggle was probably alcohol and also telling my family what I do. It took me five years to tell my family that I was dancing and I was so scared! I felt like I was their little girl and that I shouldn’t be doing it. When I told my brothers, they were so supportive, and one of them even said to me that I am so smart to be doing it (which is flattering as he is a genius and writes computer languages for banks trading.) The first thing my mum said was, “Well, you’d be good at it!” I felt so relieved and couldn’t believe it took me five years to tell everyone. I found getting it off my chest made my hustle and mindset even stronger!

Now, that I’m getting older, I find the late nights are getting harder, but that’s ok, mind over matter, and when I’m making money, I can persevere. I always stay until the doors close!

If you could give only one advice to baby strippers, what it would be?

Start journaling, researching and learning, treat this job as a career. Save of course, and invest your money. You can learn to become a stripper who earns consistent excellent money. You can create your future; you can invest in yourself and your life and be independent in all ways. Take control of your life, take control of your mindset and create a beautiful life and future! You are responsible for your life and get to know yourself, including, what you want, what your passions are, what you want to build and create. If you don’t decide, someone else will do for you! And that’s no joke!

Some girls hate themselves for doing this job. They belittle themselves; they poison their relationships around them, cut their family bond; they become bitter and start using alcohol/drugs. How do you keep yourself healthy and mentally stable?

My road to happiness has been long, and I have put an enormous amount of work into my wellbeing. I am not perfect, and I still work at it all of the time. I have invested a lot in personal development. I have a psychoanalyst, whom I have seen twice a week for over five years. I find connecting to self fascinating. It builds strength, resilience and a powerful mindset. I also do many other facets of self-development, including working with my beautiful coaches, both supporting me on a personal, business and spiritual level. I feel very connected to the universe, and I believe I have a strong intuition. I find it essential to connect to and listen to my inner guidance; this helps to keep me centred and happy. At times I judge myself harshly, then I remind myself, to allow everything to be as it is, and that if we are made of the same matter as the universe, why judge myself when it makes no sense to judge the universe. We must accept all parts of ourselves, even our shadows as they play a role for us as well! Spirituality, self-acceptance, self-development and overall enjoyment of life is a different journey for everybody. For me, I love to explore this as the changes I have made have been profound; many people notice. My life has improved in all areas, from abundance, health, family, relationships, spirituality and purpose. It is confronting work to delve, but it is priceless.

I have explored, psychoanalysis, coaching, kinesiology, breathwork, plant medicine, Reiki, other spiritual practices. I don’t discriminate. I also love fitness. It helps me on a mind and body level too, I like to keep up with fitness aiming for 4-5 times per week and daily walks. It helps to maintain, my body, a positive state of mind, grounding and also sleep and generally elevated moods. I also love to eat a very healthy diet, 90% plant-based and some seafood. I don’t eat other meats or dairy, and I love to listen to my body and what she needs. I don’t eat to excess, I feel all of these little pieces to the puzzle help to maintain a happy and healthy life, and this is reflected in work as it attracts abundance as your efforts are broadcast energetically.

As I mentioned earlier, I was never a hard hustler. I’m not qualified to teach how to do the hustle right, but I can tell a lot about the negative thoughts in my head that often stopped me from making the desired amount of money. How and why did you start coaching? You have also studied specific courses and are very passionate about hustling. What kind of classes did you do to maximise your earnings and to be able to help other dancers?

As I have been mentioning, any work where you can develop yourself as a person is useful. I have studied NLP life coaching, hypnosis, other energetic courses, body language courses, one on one professional sales coaching, spiritual and business coaches etc. The list goes on! I had picked what was relevant from all of these studies and combined that information with my own experience of nearly a decade of dancing. I first started this journey to help other dancers, when a colleague of mine hadn’t made any money in weeks, like literally. I gave her a few tips and bang! She made over $1000.

I continued to do this with many dancers and thus began my journey of educating myself to feel confident enough to coach appropriately. This included not only months and months of study but about two years of analysing my hustle, including what works what doesn’t work? Logging everything, recording myself doing endless hustle roleplays and investigating that. Finding patterns and creating systems. I am confident in hustling and maintain a consistent income. I want to give back to an industry which I love, which has given me so much. I want to see everyone make money and increase their confidence as I know it’s possible, only it takes work. I want customers to leave the club having spent their money and to feel positive about the experience and interaction, wanting to come back and spend more time and time again! Our industry is needed, and it is fantastic, and I genuinely want to give back and help everyone involved to make the most of their experience, whether it be the dancers or the customers!

Can you tell us more about your tailored coaching?

Yes, I conduct via Skype. They are tailored to each individual’s specific needs, so in our initial chat, I identify where there may be some issues. I love to focus on two sides of the hustle. One is the mindset, and the other is specific sales/hustle techniques and strategies. If there is some limitation interfering with the ability to hustle strongly, for example, lack of confidence, anxiety, poor beliefs around money or low self-worth etc., I address those using specific mindset techniques, and then I am clear to coach on proven strategies. There is no point giving hustle techniques to someone who suffers, for example, high anxiety and doesn’t feel comfortable approaching customers, let alone persevering after they hear a no! Our job is 100% commission, and if you can’t approach people or hustle confidently, it is a hard jam, and some dancers can become entirely effected.

If for example, you have no dramas approaching customers, however, you struggle to convert conversations to dances and upselling, I identify this and give appropriate structure around the selling side of the hustle. Everyone is unique, and I help to facilitate each individual to reach their goals and ultimately improve their income and enjoyment of their career and quite often their life outside of work as well.

My website will be live very shortly, as of July 2019. It will have free audios designed for mindset while preparing for work and also for winding down after work. Also, information detailing my interactive workshops available in Australia are in person.

www.stripology.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/stripology_studyofthehustle/

Thank you for the interview, Wendy!

The Study of the Hustle

To be honest, I was never a hard hustler. Some men like the straight approach “do you want a dance?” while others hate it. Dancers do rounds in the club with this approach; they tend to bounce from guy to guy. I like to observe. Sometimes the management is pissed off because it seems I just sit and don’t do my work, but I make eye-contacts. I can feel who’s intrigued enough. I don’t know if it’s good or not, but it works for me.

I’ve never done coaching for my fellow dancers, but I never turned my back to those who were asking for help or information. I genuinely believe the sex industry needs more and more people who come out of the shell and talk openly about personal experiences because being judgemental and pointing out a finger never helped anyone. Because of social stigma, sex work can be a lonely activity.

Luckily, many girls, like Wendy offer to coach and you can ask her about anything you’ve always wanted to learn. Once you are in the business, then do it well! Right?

Tell us a little bit about yourself, where do you live, how did you start dancing?

Hi, my dancer name is Bunny; however, in my everyday life, people call me Wendy. I grew up in Brisbane, for the past seven years I live in Perth, Western Australia. I am 34 turning 35 in November. I grew up practising gymnastics and soccer and always had an active boyish type of energy about me. I have four brothers and no sisters. I always felt drawn towards the stripping industry and often checked to see if I had a dollar coin in my purse if I ever passed a peep show. I studied a bachelor of science once I left school and during this time, I wanted to be a stripper; however, I suffered terrible body image and also chose very abusive boyfriends, my confidence was shot! I used to occasionally visit strip clubs and feel in awe of the beautiful dancers and how their life must be. One night, I think my perfect chance and serendipity (only upon reflection) I was out partying and fell victim to a random glassing (the attack was aimed at somebody else) my lip was almost cut off. I received compensation, and during my reconstructive surgery on my mouth, I also opted for a boob job. I was so broke and focusing on survival and my studies, I never in my wildest dreams thought I could ever afford this! I understand everyone is different, this was my body image issue, and nobody ever saw me naked until this point, and it was one month before my 25^th birthday. This event changed the course of my life. I finished my study and worked as a genetic scientist for several years, and moonlighting stripping on the weekends. Eventually, after nearly four years of working two jobs seven days, I was getting burnt out, and so I decided to quit my day job and focus purely on my stripping career. (This was a very intense, tough decision; however, I am glad I made it.) My life started to elevate, and I had never been happier. I realised this is what I am meant to do, and I felt in flow and alignment. Now I have been dancing for 9+ years and have not returned to science.

The first impression is essential. How do you approach customers and convince them to pay you?

I have analysed the entire hustling process, from approaching the customer and all of the fine details involved in this process to converting the conversation to dances and finally onto the upgrades and extensions. It is a very detailed process, and there is no magic one line, that will help you to make money. You must be aware of your entire self, from grooming, body language, body placement, facial expressions, voice tonality, your self-talk, vibe and aura. It can be a simple process or a very complex one, depending on how you want to look at it.

Our brain decides on how we feel about someone when we first meet them within the first 4 seconds. We have already determined whether we like or trust this person, what their intentions are. Whether or not they are a threat or whether they are likeable? Our brain does a massive amount of work during our initial contact with another human, and that is why we must pay attention to the message we put forth in that initial interaction. People only (generally) want to do business with people that they like and trust and that is why we need to express this message without saying “Hi, please like and trust me!” via our body language and subtle ques. 60-90% of our communication is non-verbal, so being aware of this is a must!

One other thing regarding first impressions; your self-talk and internal environment play a huge role in your approach and first impressions. A positive or even neutral, non-reactive and open mindstate is your best weapon as a strong and consistent hustler. This is my favourite topic, as this is where all of your strength resides, this is allowing you to excel in this profession.

Convincing them to pay you is a whole other kettle of fish. I will mention the big picture of this without getting into detail. First of all, we must find out what the customers like or want and deliver this back to them. No point trying to sell someone a book when they want a jacket! So, find out what they want! That is your job as an entertainer. It is not what you can get; it is about what you can give! It is the customer’s night, we are their entertainers, with a giving mentality you will not meet with scarcity. If you are focused on what you want and what you are not getting/or can get etc., that is a scarcity mentality. People can smell it on you, and you will express it unconsciously and therefore come across as somehow a threat or untrustworthy and off-putting. Always remember, it’s about what can you GIVE not what can you GET! I have a formula which makes it easy to convert conversation into lap dances/cash, which incorporates this mentality into a natural flow. It is versatile; however, it requires a small amount of groundwork to put into practice.

How to keep customers longer in the private room? What is the best way to keep them interested in paying more?

To keep your customer longer in the private room, interested and paying more, you need to establish a connection. Again, if you have found out what your customer is after, you need to deliver this. I have done my own market research with customers over the years and the top reasons our customers visit us are having fun (banter, hype, commonality, the shared sense of humour) and sexual connection (flirting, seduction, flattery, dirty talk or fantasies etc.) and usually a combination of the two. If you can find out exactly what they are after and deliver this to them, you have a customer who will not want to leave.

As a cherry on top, to offer them an authentic YOU where they can see the real you and they in return can be themselves (this can be rare these days) you will be offering them an invaluable service, and your pay and their appreciation will reflect this!

www.stripology.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/stripology_studyofthehustle/

Pearls and Femininity

Pearls are beautiful and make a woman feel great when wearing them since ancient times. The Hungarian photographer, Stefan Mogyorosi, believes that the lines of beads as they run on the womanly curves lead the eye and the play of lights and shadows on the round, flawlessly white little objects perfectly completes the black and white nude art photography. As a result, sophisticated femininity radiates from his photos.

The birth of a pearl is a long process. Natural pearls are formed inside an oyster when an irritant – usually a parasite, a piece of shell or a grain of sand – accidentally gets into the oyster’s soft inner body, and it cannot be expelled. The oyster starts to protect itself and begins to create a smooth coating around the irritant, layer upon layer. And finally, a lustrous pearl is formed. Pearls are one of the world’s most beautiful natural treasures. They are loved for their timeless aesthetic and round, flawless perfection. With their cool elegance, the beads perfectly complement the curved lines of the female body.

http://bevallalosak.reblog.hu/