Letters to the prison

It can be stressful if someone you know has been sent to prison but we have to take care of our dear regular customers, even when they go through a hard time.

For me, he was not only a regular of the club but a kind of friend, a valuable person with a big heart for his friends and family and one of the most caring men I’ve ever met.

I’m thinking a lot about him and how someone’s life can change in such a short time. He was almost sure they can’t catch him. He was smart, but he trusted the wrong person and some of his so-called ‘friends’ took advantage of him. Someone who maybe was jealous of him or someone who got in trouble and to save his life needed to sacrifice someone’s else.
I was aware of his drug addiction and had the sense that he was also selling it, although we never talked about it openly. Many people who visited me in clubs were in the same shoes. The night clubs attract all of the junkies, gangsters, drug addicts, dealers. Maybe their families didn’t even notice but we, night people see a different face of the clients (and that’s often the real one).
Also, this customer of mine was negative. Many negative things happened around him, one of his friends passed away, other friend went back to prison, other lost the restaurant because of gambling and drugs, and all dragged him in the current situation. It’s like when bad things happen around you, you attract more negativity. Lately, he was drinking a lot, plus the drugs, not like before for fun and party, but like someone who carries lots of pain. He was a regular in the club where I was working time by time, and all the girls were worried about him. One of them told me he was depressed since his friend died and was drinking because he needed to forget it. The boss was also thinking about her pocket, but she was scared too that he might do something stupid to himself. He set up himself on the negative spiral that pulled him down to the black hole and dragged him to hell. Into his personalised hell. And now he’s sitting in the middle of his worst nightmare.

I wish I could see it earlier, and maybe I could change his negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones. I don’t blame myself, but surely, I was selfish and didn’t realise what was going on around him. I was busy chasing my own dreams.

One girl from the club told me what’s happened, then I immediately got in touch with his friend who told me the things don’t look so good, but he has a good lawyer. I was trying to contact him, I even wrote an email to the prison near his town asking if he’s there, but the answer was that I could write a letter, if he’s there he will get it if not, they would send it back to me. How helpful! Then I was thinking to contact his family (I’ve met his father before). I just wanted his family to know that he has my support and I’m hoping for the best for him. I didn’t want to contact him during the investigation period. The only reason why I was hesitating because I know him from a strip club, and what people usually think about strip clubs? Drugs and prostitution… I thought it would be better to wait until the investigation has finished. I knew he would understand it.

I had mixed feelings of anger, sadness and a desire to support him, but I felt powerless and confused. I was worried about him. I know it was one of his biggest fear to go to prison. Once he told me if he ever goes to jail, he will not get out from there alive.

Many questions were in my head. Is he also going through a drug rehabilitation program? Is there anything I can do for him? Would it be possible to write him some encouraging words? How is the family? I suppose they didn’t know much about his drug addiction. Were they shocked? I was lethargic for a few days after I heard what’s happened. I had no idea how he feels, what he could do there. I couldn’t even imagine how his days are passing by.
Then he asked his family to contact me and let me know about what was happening. Regrettably, at the moment he was not able to write to me himself. They told me he had a problem with the police and he was detained in prison during the investigation and no one knows what was really going on. He is a truly good person and is always there to help his family and friends. Since he was arrested, his true friends have supported him and the family emotionally and financially for the lawyers. This hard time has shown who are true friends and who are not.
One way to offer support is by writing a letter of encouragement to him, letting him know that I’m thinking about him and sending him my best wishes and good thoughts his way. Writing letters has always been my choice, it helps me to express those emotions in a controlled way, giving me time to think about what I want to say. Just needed to realise that all the letters I write to him will be opened and read by the judge and the state attorney. So, I must be very careful and not mentioning anything about the investigation or case, especially nothing about drugs.
I believe that everything that happens to us has a higher purpose, even we don’t see it at that very moment, but we will understand when we look back. And what happened to him was the only way to stop him from this self-destructive habits and make him rethink his life. I’m also the person who’s seeking a little positivity in every bad situation. We have to take responsibility for our own acts. He knows he can’t carry on drinking and partying like before. He can’t continue where he stopped. I think the current situation will change him a better one, and I wish him the strength to hang in there. I know it’s not easy to find any positivity there, but at least we should try. I wish him to be strong and don’t let people who love him down. The world hasn’t ended yet, only is changing. Changing for a better one. And that sets him on a healthier path for the future.

I want to show him the light at the end of the tunnel. Because there is surely a light, maybe we just can’t see it right now. We just want to see the darkness.

He needs to break his negative thoughts and don’t sink into self-pity. He’s in there, alone in the room, no TV, nobody to talk to and can go out to get some fresh air one hour per day. The worst thing is he doesn’t know when they set him free. But he needs to motivate himself, read books, get new information, study something, make new plans. Anything just doesn’t lose himself.
Finally, I’ve written to him and got a reply very soon. His letter was full of jokes, so I believe he’s okay. He’s doing very well considering where he is. He still doesn’t know how long he’ll have to stay, but I hope he’ll be home soon. And I’m here for him writing him some jokes in the letter as well as stories that will lift his spirits. Even if our contact is limited during this time, it is crucial to let him know that whenever he needs me as a shoulder to lean on, I will be there. He spent an enormous amount of money on me in the club, I can’t show my back to him now. I want to support him continually. He’s worthy and loved, people believe in him and count on him. He decided to enter drug rehab. He always thought he could control his addictions, but indeed, they controlled his body and mind. I’m proud of his decision and providing him with the determination needed to work through the many challenges that he will face during this time spent in prison.

The Study of the Hustle

To be honest, I was never a hard hustler. Some men like the straight approach “do you want a dance?” while others hate it. Dancers do rounds in the club with this approach; they tend to bounce from guy to guy. I like to observe. Sometimes the management is pissed off because it seems I just sit and don’t do my work, but I make eye-contacts. I can feel who’s intrigued enough. I don’t know if it’s good or not, but it works for me.

I’ve never done coaching for my fellow dancers, but I never turned my back to those who were asking for help or information. I genuinely believe the sex industry needs more and more people who come out of the shell and talk openly about personal experiences because being judgemental and pointing out a finger never helped anyone. Because of social stigma, sex work can be a lonely activity.

Luckily, many girls, like Wendy offer to coach and you can ask her about anything you’ve always wanted to learn. Once you are in the business, then do it well! Right?

Tell us a little bit about yourself, where do you live, how did you start dancing?

Hi, my dancer name is Bunny; however, in my everyday life, people call me Wendy. I grew up in Brisbane, for the past seven years I live in Perth, Western Australia. I am 34 turning 35 in November. I grew up practising gymnastics and soccer and always had an active boyish type of energy about me. I have four brothers and no sisters. I always felt drawn towards the stripping industry and often checked to see if I had a dollar coin in my purse if I ever passed a peep show. I studied a bachelor of science once I left school and during this time, I wanted to be a stripper; however, I suffered terrible body image and also chose very abusive boyfriends, my confidence was shot! I used to occasionally visit strip clubs and feel in awe of the beautiful dancers and how their life must be. One night, I think my perfect chance and serendipity (only upon reflection) I was out partying and fell victim to a random glassing (the attack was aimed at somebody else) my lip was almost cut off. I received compensation, and during my reconstructive surgery on my mouth, I also opted for a boob job. I was so broke and focusing on survival and my studies, I never in my wildest dreams thought I could ever afford this! I understand everyone is different, this was my body image issue, and nobody ever saw me naked until this point, and it was one month before my 25th birthday. This event changed the course of my life. I finished my study and worked as a genetic scientist for several years, and moonlighting stripping on the weekends. Eventually, after nearly four years of working two jobs seven days, I was getting burnt out, and so I decided to quit my day job and focus purely on my stripping career. (This was a very intense, tough decision; however, I am glad I made it.) My life started to elevate, and I had never been happier. I realised this is what I am meant to do, and I felt in flow and alignment. Now I have been dancing for 9+ years and have not returned to science.

The first impression is essential. How do you approach customers and convince them to pay you?

I have analysed the entire hustling process, from approaching the customer and all of the fine details involved in this process to converting the conversation to dances and finally onto the upgrades and extensions. It is a very detailed process, and there is no magic one line, that will help you to make money. You must be aware of your entire self, from grooming, body language, body placement, facial expressions, voice tonality, your self-talk, vibe and aura. It can be a simple process or a very complex one, depending on how you want to look at it.

Our brain decides on how we feel about someone when we first meet them within the first 4 seconds. We have already determined whether we like or trust this person, what their intentions are. Whether or not they are a threat or whether they are likeable? Our brain does a massive amount of work during our initial contact with another human, and that is why we must pay attention to the message we put forth in that initial interaction. People only (generally) want to do business with people that they like and trust and that is why we need to express this message without saying “Hi, please like and trust me!” via our body language and subtle ques. 60-90% of our communication is non-verbal, so being aware of this is a must!

One other thing regarding first impressions; your self-talk and internal environment play a huge role in your approach and first impressions. A positive or even neutral, non-reactive and open mindstate is your best weapon as a strong and consistent hustler. This is my favourite topic, as this is where all of your strength resides, this is allowing you to excel in this profession.

Convincing them to pay you is a whole other kettle of fish. I will mention the big picture of this without getting into detail. First of all, we must find out what the customers like or want and deliver this back to them. No point trying to sell someone a book when they want a jacket! So, find out what they want! That is your job as an entertainer. It is not what you can get; it is about what you can give! It is the customer’s night, we are their entertainers, with a giving mentality you will not meet with scarcity. If you are focused on what you want and what you are not getting/or can get etc., that is a scarcity mentality. People can smell it on you, and you will express it unconsciously and therefore come across as somehow a threat or untrustworthy and off-putting. Always remember, it’s about what can you GIVE not what can you GET! I have a formula which makes it easy to convert conversation into lap dances/cash, which incorporates this mentality into a natural flow. It is versatile; however, it requires a small amount of groundwork to put into practice.

How to keep customers longer in the private room? What is the best way to keep them interested in paying more?

To keep your customer longer in the private room, interested and paying more, you need to establish a connection. Again, if you have found out what your customer is after, you need to deliver this. I have done my own market research with customers over the years and the top reasons our customers visit us are having fun (banter, hype, commonality, the shared sense of humour) and sexual connection (flirting, seduction, flattery, dirty talk or fantasies etc.) and usually a combination of the two. If you can find out exactly what they are after and deliver this to them, you have a customer who will not want to leave.

As a cherry on top, to offer them an authentic YOU where they can see the real you and they in return can be themselves (this can be rare these days) you will be offering them an invaluable service, and your pay and their appreciation will reflect this!

My website will be live very shortly, as of July 2019. It will have free audios designed for mindset while preparing for work and also for winding down after work. Also, information detailing my interactive workshops available in Australia in person.

www.stripology.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/stripology_studyofthehustle/