dancer Archives - HeartBrokenStilettos

We are more than ‘just’ strippers

I started the blog to tell my own little secrets and experiences about the stripper’s life, but I’m more and more determined and want to do something for the sex worker community.

I’m a stripper and a writer. I write books about my experiences as a dancer (good and bad, but totally honest) and try to fight against the social stigma that we have to wear. I already have one book I wrote about the average customers of the clubs because we are judged by society but no one talks about those who come to the clubs with their requests. The book I’m currently working on will be about what’s happening in the private, slut-shaming, sex, strippers’ relationships and so on and I’d like to use a few words, stories and opinion of other strippers too. If you’d like to share your opinion with me that could fit in the book, it would be very much appreciated. (with your stripper’s name, age, and country)

What would be your few words message to the ‘normal’ world about our life? If you could only get one point across to the world, what could you say?

We need to raise our voice and together we are louder.

Lately, I thought I should extend this blog with other dancers’ and sex workers’ experiences. I don’t want to make our work fancy and appealing to others to join but those that already work in this industry I wish to be more understood. When you watch some movies, we are displayed as alcoholic and druggies and girls with daddy issues, but our work, our life is more than that and there are girls who were able to stand up for themselves. I just want to show the community that we made our choices and have nothing to be ashamed of. I’d like to introduce girls, artists, businesswomen who grew from this industry and became beautiful, strong and independent spirits. My aim is to show the world that we are not only strippers but talented, kind-hearted, hard-working individuals. You can write your own introduction with photos and links you’d like to share or we can do that in the form of an interview.

Let me know if you’re interested or if you know someone who would be interested.

Email: heartbrokenstilettos@gmail.com

Thank you!

Lindsay

The judgement is yours. The lessons are mine.

This lifestyle still holds so many secrets. Some people have no clue about it. Men see the pretty girl on stage doing some erotic moves and slowly taking her clothes off while they fantasise what they would do with her body in private.

Dancing is the best aphrodisiac as the soft moves of the body helps to unblock the sexual energies.

Men like to watch a woman dancing because they can keep an eye on her from a distance seeing her whole body as it moves with the rhythm of the music and makes her irresistibly desirable for them. I know exactly what effects I make with my performance. Men enjoy watching the dance while women are more judgemental towards us. This is totally fine. But I want to point out that we dancers are normal people just like anybody else. We also cry and share the same feelings. Sometimes we are desperate or confused, and sometimes we want to give up everything for a man we trust, just like those women who never worked in this nightlife. I’ve seen many movies about strippers life, being constantly drunk and taking drugs, being forced into prostitution. I must say I have never been forced to do anything I didn’t want to do.

Maybe I was young, naive or a little drunk when I stretched my boundaries, but I wouldn’t consider myself deviant because of that.

The judgement is yours. The lessons are mine. Until today I have no regrets about my choice. If I had a chance to change my life, probably I would do everything in the same way I did in the past. It’s not only the easy money, not even the people I’ve met and the places I’ve seen but all the life lessons I’ve learned during this period. They made me strong without losing myself. They opened my eyes but still kept me cautious at the same time. I’ve learned a lot about myself, but most importantly I’ve learned how to handle my limits and how to push my boundaries further.

(From the book Bedtime Stories from Stripperland)

https://publioboox.com/en_gb/bedtime-stories-from-stripperland

Men, gentlemen, guys

I have good news for you: my book is finally finished! The most exciting period is yet to come, to find a publisher or literary agent whom I can establish a good relationship for my future plans. Difficult, but it’s not impossible. If I could have reached the point where I’m standing now, there is nothing to stop me from achieving my goals.

I had amazing years of experience in nightlife working as an exotic dancer what made me who I am today and shaped my opinion about men and relationships.

During my work I have realised lots of men don’t know how to approach a dancer, this points to the fact that lots of men don’t know how to approach a woman. The book is about how they shouldn’t approach a dancer or a woman. I didn’t want to write an erotic novel, just to share certain situations and facts about what’s happening in clubs. The main idea was while the whole world is judgemental towards strippers, nobody really talks about those men who have to resort to our service and how they behave. I bared the social stigma for long enough. People judged me for who I am and what I do, this time let me judge other people, first of all, men who come to the clubs. Because these clubs will exist until men have the desire to come in, but nobody judges them for this pastime. I found lots of books written by sex workers, like The Girlfriend Experience by Rebecca Dakin, but not many strippers wrote books about their work. Maybe there are some books on the American market, but there they have a different style and system in clubs than we have in Europe. The books I’ve read about the stripping industry were more like social studies.

My book is basically a bunch of my stories from the blog about strip clubs but focusing on the behaviour of the average customers. I wrote it with the same openness and honesty as I wrote on my blog. The book is based on Prince Charming and fairy tales, because I haven’t met lots of Prince Charming in those clubs, but more often other characters of fairy tales, like the Big Bad Wolf or the childish Peter Pan.

Growing older I must say I haven’t met my Prince Charming yet. Some good Prince Charming material yes, who had the potential but indeed I met lots of Prince Charmless.

Just for fun, I put them and their stories into 12 categories. I don’t want to give an impression that I was dating a lot but if we think about it, every introduction to a customer is like a date when I want to gain his attention and seduce him to get in the private, while he’s offering me drinks. I’m quite judgemental towards men, it’s true. As one of my friends say, the book is harsh and he thinks it can be successful, but he’s happy that he’s not the man who wants to impress me though.

My future plan is to work as a dating coach, I have finished the course this year and to write more books. I’m not thinking about writing self-help books on dating as there are so many already on the market but talking about real relationship issues in fiction. I already have further ideas for other books. Another privilege of me besides being smart, that I’m pretty. Seriously talking, I’ve done some modelling and I’m pretty comfortable front of the camera so I think photo materials could complete the image of a sexy writer as I’m planning to cooperate with more photographers in the future and create more high-quality photos.

My book has been overviewed by two of my friends, one is a photographer and writer himself but he has never been in a strip club in his entire life, the other friend knows every bit of this word and I know him from a club. For the result, both the opinion and support were used for the final touch on the book. Here I’d like to thank them for their help and I’m thankful for those who don’t lose hope in me during this period.

https://publioboox.com/en_gb/bedtime-stories-from-stripperland

My Top 20 chart

Sometimes I work in clubs where is a DJ, so I don’t need to select my own music to dance to. But then I have to dance on any songs he plays without any requests. In other clubs, there is a DJ and I can give him my music or even he asks me to choose my own songs. Often I’m not bothered, I just tell him to play any. As one of my managers used to say “you’re a dancer, you must to know how to move on any kind of songs.” Nothing more disappointing than seeing an amazing pole dance show when the dancer can’t follow the rhythm of her music. I’ve seen enough examples of that. If I have to choose, I always pick those that suitable for my moves.

Still, I have my favourites. And just like in anything, I like to be unique in choosing the right songs as well. I never choose the songs that you can hear on the radio every day or the classic striptease music like the You Can Leave Your Hat On. I have music from all over the world. That’s why happened that in the Caribbean I danced on German songs, in Germany I dance on French songs.

Here is the list:

20. Baby Bash ft. Akon – I’ll be your lover

19. Sido – Strip fur mich

18. Macka Diamond – Dye dye

17. Ivan Dorn vs. Klaas – The Lova

16. Maitre Gims – J’me tire

15. Tiziano Ferro – Senza scappare mai piu

14. Gyptian – Hold you

13. Massari – Real love

12. Blero – Sexy moves

11. Clara Morgane – Strip tease

10. Lil Kim – Kitty box

9. One Republic – Secrets

8. Gasparoff – Knights of Citeriya

7. Ofra Haza – Show me

6. Andreea D – Paradise

5. D’Banj – Oliver Twist

4. Isthar – Last kiss

3. Massari – Inta hayati

2. Xavier Naidoo – 20.000 Meilen
1. Kymani Marley – Royal vibes

Here is also a playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-9O4rU_GHeKBOyjkAq_W1WxnXSrsqXcH
There is no special order between the songs, I equally like them. It depends on my mood which one I prefer to dance to. But the No.1. is in the first place because whenever I danced on this song, girls couldn’t wait for me leaving the club and they could use it for their own performance. So it’s not just my No.1.!

And then when I have to make a special show, I like to do a little belly dance. These are the songs for my fantasy shows:

Sarah Brightman – Harem
Alanis Morisette – I remain
Amr Diab – Tamally Maak

So that is the list of my favourite songs. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy dancing on them. 🙂

How men approach a stripper

My job is to approach clients, I keep it in mind. But different men, different rules. Some don’t even bother to be nice, when he sees I’m going to his table, just lifts up his hand in the air showing I’m not welcome there. Others are talking to me for long minutes without buying me a drink and then they are surprised why I stop answering them or apologise that I must go to work.

So let’s see here what are the most behaviour of men in approaching a dancer:

The shy guy – He never approaches the girl. He is sitting alone or with a friend holding his drink. If the girl smiles at him, he’s embarrassed. Usually, he waits until the girl goes over to his table. (I would say this is the most common type of customers.)

The self-confident type – He comes to the girl with a wide smile and speaks very loud. I’m his “babe” from the very first minute. He needs all the attention of all the girls. And he can be pretty upset if he doesn’t get it.

The drunk guy – When he comes to you, you can’t decide he comes to you or the girl next to you. He’s walking in zigzag. And when he starts to speak, you can’t focus on his words but a very bad smell from his mouth from the alcohol he previously drunk. If the girl can manage to take him into the private, maybe he falls asleep.

I’ve seen a private closed with curtains because a drunk guy was sleeping on the floor in an unbelievable pose. His only luck was that he spent enough money so the manager decided to let him sleep there.

These guys usually will come back the next day because they lost something.

The bachelor – He is not my favourite. He comes to the club in a ridiculous outfit in some country. South Africa is the winner, there I saw guys dressed up as a woman, Superman, a bride, the Pink Panther and the most popular was a baby outfit holding a dummy or some alcohol in a baby bottle. He usually arrives fucked up drunk with his friend. And usually, his friends have more fun than himself. In a lucky day, they ask for a special show on stage that usually ends with the poor guy being beaten up with his own belt. But lots of time they are annoying not to know what exactly they want.

The complete liar – He comes to you with a complete lie. I had a guy who said he is in the military but probably I have more muscles than him. And when his friend came over I asked him if he is also military and he said yes, I was just laughing. Unbelievable some guys what kind of lies are able to say just to impress a woman!

The desperate guy – Desperately needs sex. If he has money, he will offer a bigger amount to go for a “dinner” with him. If he is a cheaper type, he offers a smaller amount. Or if he’s really a cheap one, he tells you he will pay you a dance only if he can touch you or you give him a handjob.

And our dream guy – He’s polite and clean. Smiles at you and invite you for a drink. He knows what kind of place he entered and respects the rules. He doesn’t need to spend a lot, but he knows we are there to work and he doesn’t waste our time. If he doesn’t like the girl, he is able to tell that politely(!) not like “I want a girl with bigger boobs”

Luckily you can find these type in clubs too!