(From the book Bedtime Stories from Stripperland)
Once in London, I finished my shift and I was in a hurry to catch my night bus from Tottenham Court Road. I was at the bus stop when a young guy stepped in front of me holding his mobile close to my face.
It was a picture of a – I suggest his – penis. It’s okay to be proud of your precious male part, but why do you think I want to see it, especially in this way of presentation? Is this the only thing you can offer to a woman, does it make you a man?
I don’t understand the male behaviour when they send a picture of their penises before sending a photo of their faces.
Lots of theories are out there, but I – as a simple woman – cannot understand that. I’m not talking about when the man is in a naughty mood with someone and the two are exchanging superheated messages and erotic fantasies. As a part of that, I have sent pictures of myself and I will. I’m not a prude. And in this circumstance, I find it natural to satisfy someone’s curiosity how you look or send a picture what kind of effect you make on the other person’s body in that very moment on the other end of the virtual world. In long distant relationships, they are a different question, it’s a reward to know that my partner is thinking about me even if he’s miles away.
But these unwanted R-rated sexual photos from guys are the biggest turn off for women.
If you’re a woman, have you ever received an unsolicited dick photo from a guy and thought, “What the hell was he thinking?” You’re chatting with some guy online, you think it might progress to a date and then, suddenly there is a random picture of his penis with the meaning: I’m ready for you! Or if you don’t answer their messages, they will show you what you’re missing out in this way. It’s surely not appropriate sexual behaviour or at least not when you want to get to know somebody.
I have to tell you dear Gents, those pictures are unwelcome. Most women appreciate a good body including the male part, but we are really turned on by the man’s intellect, his gentleness and his strength. I’d like to know these qualities before he expresses himself sexually, not vice versa.
Something about this particular type of exhibitionism is really irresistible to some men. Of course, women are also curious, but when we ask for these kinds of pictures or when we are happy to accept them, we are already turned on by the man’s other male aspects like the strength of character or intelligence. The female brain is wired in a totally different way than the male brain that’s why men can be turned on easier by visually sexy effects. Dear men, for the women it works differently, please try to understand that! Actually, most of us can be turned off by receiving this kind of treatment. I wouldn’t even want to know what these men think would be appropriate to send if we are in a relationship!
We live in an age of narcissism where many people believe that they are better than they really are, or sexier than they are.
Some guys out there are really into themselves and their phalluses, and they assume that the woman will be, too, and she will send a sexy picture to them in return. They might think in that way: “I showed you mine, now you show me yours!” Some of them are insecure about their penises and silently they ask for approval, others are uncomfortable to properly express themselves with words that they want to have sex with a girl, so they send a picture of their penises instead. Others use it as a form of sexual harassment.
Women do not find pictures of penises to be aesthetically pleasing at all. We find the whole man we like pleasing, not only his manhood. Men fundamentally misunderstand how most women feel about these type of pictures. And they truly believe it works.
Although the whole trip didn’t start in a smooth way (just as none of them lately) now I find everything fine here. I’ve worked in Belgium before, both Antwerp and Brussels so I’m a bit familiar with the country, I don’t feel a total stranger here.
Why did I say it was not a smooth start then? I work the first time with this agency. He’s Hungarian. I don’t like to work with Hungarians as they seem to overcomplicate everything. This one drove me crazy asking my Hungarian tax number and he just stuck to his point, he didn’t want to understand I have no longer tax number or official address in Hungary. But finally, after a short battle, he accepted my English tax number pff…! But it was not all. One day before my flight I still didn’t know where I’m going. He didn’t send me the address. I like to organise everything before the trip, so these last-minute actions really can make me insecure. I almost had to beg him to give me the address just to know where to go from the airport. He’s not an easy peasy case. In his last message, he wrote to me to call him when I’ve arrived at the address. Phone number or something??! Nopp. I asked him to send me his number in a text message (he knows my number) because I’m not sure if I have access to the Internet. You’re right, he sent it to me on Facebook and of course, as I told him, I didn’t have Internet. I was sitting outside a pub, I didn’t know his phone number, not a number of any girls in the apartment to call “Please open the door for me!” I didn’t know the correct address (there are a few apartments under the same address) not even what’s on the doorbell. I can not ask any women on the street that “Don’t you dance in the City Club by any chance?” They would be easily offended. Some agency just really don’t deserve the money they got after the girls because they don’t care. More than 2 hours waiting outside (at least it was not raining and Belgium has good beers) he called one of the girls to check if I’m there and let me in. Seriously??
The apartment is OK, not the cleanest but it’s quite new, and the other girls are nice. And it’s only 4 of us in the apartment. That’s heaven on earth after the experience in Oslo!
The club is also good. Although on my second night there were only 5 customers (and 2 of them were women) and the friend of the DJ and we had to dance all night from 11 pm to 6 am. Don’t ask me what for when nobody paid anything, not even attention to us. After that night I didn’t feel my legs, I had pain everywhere in my body. Please don’t ask me if I go to the gym.. that was enough training for one day! But the system is fair. I have €35 fix salary per day, but every night the club offers €70 guarantee if I make less. It means I have the minimum the €70 per day. But in a week it happened only once (luckily) I always make more than that. I get €8 from a glass of champagne, €44 from a bottle and €25 from a private dance. (I really don’t like to talk about how much I made the previous night and I especially hate it when other dancers asking me. It’s only my business. Here I just want to let you know to have some idea.) Oh and about the tips: how nice, the agency said it’s all for us, at work I find out I only can keep the 60%. Whatever…
The funny thing here that the whole place is a discotheque indeed. Big, empty, dark room with a small stage in the middle. No atmosphere, no decoration, no intimacy – only a few candles around. On the weekend when the discotheque is open, we work on the 2nd floor in the club’s VIP area, which is much nicer. From there you can see all those drunk, hardcore party people on the dancefloor. We look at them, they look at us. It felt we are in some kind of ZOO! But after customers started to come up and we worked all night. Saturday was a perfect night, not much customers, mainly the friends of the boss. We, 5 girls, were sitting at our table and the bottles of champagne are started to arrive at us. That was more of a big party than literally work. We were sitting, chatting, drinking (I mean pouring the champagne back to the ice bucket very eagerly) and laughing all night. That’s really the easy part of my job! No bulls**** from customers, no hard deals, no pushing. Just fun and the money still comes to us. No hangover, no headache next day, Sunday is off. Perfect!
As it always happens to me, if I’m desperate to go to a place, it turns out something unpleasant. Same happened here. I was keen on coming here but now I can’t wait for my contract to finish. I heard lots of good things about working in Norway, especially about the clubs in Bergen and Trondheim. But when I sent my application there, the manager replied that he’s very selective with a girls, and that moment he wanted younger and very acrobatic pole dancers because he had enough “older and talker” (actually I like the idea because he makes sure each customer can find the type of girl he likes) But after I found agencies working with clubs in Oslo, and I applied even I heard some bad stories about it. But if you never try, you never know.
Now I know. And I’m pretty sure I won’t come back here. The No way, Norway! an expression I heard from other dancers who worked here previously, now I understand why. I don’t know if it’s just this club, but my customer told me yesterday they passed another club on the same street and he didn’t even want to enter that one because the doormen were too rough looking. Our club is pretty OK though, but for me, it has a strange and arrogant atmosphere that I don’t like. Let’s put it in this way, not the friendliest place I have worked.
I have problems with the apartment. 12 women together in a not so big flat. 12 women for 1 bathroom. It means you have no privacy even on the toilet. 12 women for 1 kitchen. I can not have my coffee there in relax. 12 women and 1 house key. That really sucks. I’m staying in a room with a balcony, and every smoker walks through the room if they need a fag. Almost every time they wake me up, because they try to be as quiet as possible but outside they are talking or listening to their music loudly. I have very disturbed sleeping since I’m here, no wonder why I’m getting more and more irritated at work. And some girls have no respect for others. One girl was on the top of my bed because she needed something from the top of the wardrobe and she was upset when I asked her not to step on my pillow when she’s walking around barefoot in the flat. The other one was searching for something for half an hour in plastic bags while I tried to sleep. Seriously I started to feel I’m the antisocial and deviant here because I don’t talk loudly and I can close the door without making noise.
My only luck is that I’m sharing the room with a very nice Polish girl. Basically, she’s the only person I like here. We haven’t met before but we worked in the same places. I remember on my last day in Macau I popped into my Polish manager and she told me there are 2 girls arrived from Poland and we just figured out she was one of them. I didn’t work that night because I had an early flight the next day and they didn’t work because they just arrived from the airport. Same in Iceland, she just arrived a few days later after I left. And how lucky I am that we met here! I really feel if she’s not with me, I would just give up and go home. Even the club has potentials to make money, my own mental health is worth more and I don’t want to struggle with a place I don’t feel good. I gave a few more days to myself to decide if I leave earlier, but for sure I don’t come back here to work again. No way!
Some people are still wondering how I get the jobs in all those amazing countries. And when I say I work with different agencies, they scratch their heads. Yes, there are agencies for strippers! So here is a little explanation.
If I know the agency, I go to the website and check all the clubs they offer, I pick one or two and email them if there is free space in that particular club or if I can fit in the frame. Usually, they answer relatively quickly. I don’t pay a commission to the agencies, but usually, they get money after me from the club. For example, in some clubs, if I go with an agency, I get let’s say €10 less daily salary than the girls who don’t work with an agency. But at the same time, I save energy to apply to each clubs separately and asking about details of work. As I mentioned in December going to interviews was a nightmare and it was lots of time wasters. With an agency that all, I can avoid. Also, I have to be careful about which agency I can trust. Here are some I worked recently and I’ve got what they offered on the site.
It’s not happening always. Like in Pescara the agency told me there is a private dance in the club and it was not, also in Paris the agency offered me fix daily salary and when I was there I figured out there is no fixed salary at all. If I knew it before I wouldn’t have applied because that time I didn’t want to take a risk trying a new club on a commission base only (simply I just couldn’t afford it) and I even told the agency yet they still sent me there. It was not nice at all. It was some misunderstanding between the club and the agency and even in the contract they were talking about two different clubs with two different systems, but still, the agency has to be clear with the contract and the conditions before sending anybody there. But my worst experience was in Luxembourg. The agency told me to call them when I arrive at the airport and they will let me know if I need to take the bus to the city or someone comes to pick me up. I tried to call but nobody picked up the phone or answered my messages. I was there maybe an hour and I decided to get to the city. I had no contact number of anyone from the club, the agency didn’t give me any details except the address. I found the club and I tried to make a phone call again at the front door. Again silence, no answer. I was waiting with luggage half an hour in the rain outside of a strip club – people gave me funny look on the street – when luckily one girl came back from her shopping and asked me if I’m the new girl so she let me into the apartment. But I was very upset with the agency!
They can be also quite funny with age limits. When I applied to Macau, I kept getting NO’s because the club wants younger girls. I tried with a different agency later and they accepted my application. So now if I really want to go to a place (like now I’m keen on trying Norway as I’ve heard lots of good about it) I will try different agencies. Conditions can be varied depending on the contract between the club and the agency. So it’s worth to try.
Now I’m trying to find a place in Germany, so I spend time emailing the agencies and asking for more specific details of the clubs there. Once I have the answer, I can buy my tickets as proof of a serious booking and I can focus on other things. So I’m not resting between two contracts and I also do the photoshoots as I always need new photos to my portfolio and for the applications. A good photo is a half success to get hired.
Also, I have lots of info about clubs and agencies from the girls I worked with, we share our experiences with each other. I often got messages from girls if I would recommend a club to them or not, questions like how was there with work, money, management, other girls etc. when I worked there. It’s always difficult to tell because it so depends on the personality and the work style. Even clubs have ups and downs, maybe I worked there in a not so busy period and the girl went there in a good time. It happened before and later I got the feedback that I was lying to her because I didn’t want her to make good money. Obviously, she didn’t know me well and all I did was telling her my honest experience with that club. (By the way, she didn’t even say thank you.) But since then I’m more careful with girls I don’t know that much both way taking or giving advice. That’s why it’s also good to double check with an agency.
I must say that was my shortest contract with a club ever. I booked my place through an agency and the conditions sounded good. They offered 70€ fix salary per day plus 20% drink commission plus the dances and free accommodation. Not bad at all. I arrived from France on the train quite late at night. A guy was waiting for me outside the train station. He looked OK for first sight (if I smell danger, I just don’t sit in his car), he told me the club is outside Luxembourg city so we need to take a short drive. It was nothing unusual or made me suspicious. They helped me with the luggage in the apartment (it was heavy and stupid me put the locker keys inside so I needed someone strong to cut the metal locker) and then they introduced me to the boss. He took me into the kitchen of the club and explained all the basic rules that I knew from the agency anyway, but it’s always good when they repeat everything in person. He told me he’s expecting 2 more girls from my country so I won’t be alone. I went back to the apartment to relax. The place was nice with a big and clean kitchen, bathroom. The room for the girls was quite big too but a bit crowded. If I remember well there were beds for 7-8 girls in the same room, and even the room was big it’s not as healthy as everyone has a different daily routine. But for the short term, I can deal with it.
Later the other 2 girls arrived and they were super nice! I was happy to meet them. So we got ready for work together (the others were already working) and it was lots of talk about our previous experiences in different clubs. The problems started later. For them, the boss didn’t say anything, just when we started our shift and we were together he came to us asking our passports. He said he will give them back the next day. But one of the girls insisted, she said to him she would only give the copy of her passport. (In my experience it’s not unusual when they take the passport for one day, in Europe, I never been worried about it so much as I always have my ID with me and in any case of trouble I can travel with it within the EU.) But I didn’t like the reaction of the boss, that was the first warning sign. Bosses don’t like the girl who knows her rights and not afraid to open her mouth. He told her if she doesn’t want to give him her passport, she can leave the club in that very moment (it was about 11 pm and we were outside of the city, no public transport in these hours.) So what other chances we had? We gave him our passports but with not a good feeling and we started to work. I explained all the rules to the girls that the boss told me earlier. Especially the “no sex in the champagne room!” It was a quiet night, we were sitting on the sofa talking and watching the other girls – who had regulars or so – work. They were pretty and very young from Estonia and a few Romanians. And our bad feelings are increased when we saw a girl kissing her customer and 15 minutes later kissing with another. We saw two guys kissing before they took two girls into the private. But the most horrific was the girl at the bar who got wasted on drinks (when I say drinks I mean cocktails or glass of champagne, not bottles. It means she made maybe 2€ on each drink) She was sitting on the guy’s lap on a high bar chair, basically giving him a lap dance for free. And they were really into it. We felt like we are in a kind of cinema or peep show. Again I have to say but this is not my work style as it was not the girls’ either. We were actually shocked. The whole place looked so cheap and “dirty”, against all the rules that the boss explained to me earlier. And the show just continued when our favourite couple at the bar was more and more into the moves and the guy stood up to press his crotch harder against the girl’s butt, the chair felt on the floor and it was clearly visible that the girl’s bikini bottom under the skirt was pulled to the side. Probably there was a good reason for this, everyone can imagine by his/her own fantasy.
We already decided to leave and not finish our contract. I can’t compeer with girls who work in this way. And not long after we agreed to move on, the police has appeared to check the place out. The police officer asked for our passport and I think that was our luck. We had to tell him that the boss took our passports, they called to question him. I didn’t understand their conversation but it seemed the boss was in trouble because of that. Soon he appeared with our passports and gave them back to us. He didn’t look happy at all. And after the police left, he told us he doesn’t want us to stay because we only cause problems for him! (We were quite happy because we didn’t need to gather all our courage to tell him we want to leave.) I can’t say bad because he also gave us our one day salary with our passports. At least in that way, he was correct. But we definitely didn’t want to stay because we had the feeling that much goes on there than dancing. Maybe he just needed some professional dancer to cover his real business. Later I told the story to a friend of mine and he said: “Yes, you were lucky because there are some rumours about that club that some girls were locked in a room there to force for prostitution”. Seeing the place and the boss, I can imagine…
I’m telling this story because lately, I got emails that I have a funny and glamorous job. No. It’s not always fun. Apparently, it can be dangerous sometimes.