relationship Archives - HeartBrokenStilettos

My thoughts on dick pics

Once in London, I finished my shift and I was in a hurry to catch my night bus from Tottenham Court Road. I was at the bus stop when a young guy stepped in front of me holding his mobile close to my face.

“Look!”

It was a picture of a – I suggest his – penis. It’s okay to be proud of your precious male part, but why do you think I want to see it, especially in this way of presentation? Is this the only thing you can offer to a woman, does it make you a man?

I don’t understand the male behaviour when they send a picture of their penises before sending a photo of their faces.

Lots of theories are out there, but I – as a simple woman – cannot understand that. I’m not talking about when the man is in a naughty mood with someone and the two are exchanging superheated messages and erotic fantasies. As a part of that, I have sent pictures of myself and I will. I’m not a prude. And in this circumstance, I find it natural to satisfy someone’s curiosity how you look or send a picture what kind of effect you make on the other person’s body in that very moment on the other end of the virtual world. In long distant relationships, they are a different question, it’s a reward to know that my partner is thinking about me even if he’s miles away.

But these unwanted R-rated sexual photos from guys are the biggest turn off for women.

If you’re a woman, have you ever received an unsolicited dick photo from a guy and thought, “What the hell was he thinking?” You’re chatting with some guy online, you think it might progress to a date and then, suddenly there is a random picture of his penis with the meaning: I’m ready for you! Or if you don’t answer their messages, they will show you what you’re missing out in this way. It’s surely not appropriate sexual behaviour or at least not when you want to get to know somebody.

I have to tell you dear Gents, those pictures are unwelcome. Most women appreciate a good body including the male part, but we are really turned on by the man’s intellect, his gentleness and his strength. I’d like to know these qualities before he expresses himself sexually, not vice versa.

Something about this particular type of exhibitionism is really irresistible to some men. Of course, women are also curious, but when we ask for these kinds of pictures or when we are happy to accept them, we are already turned on by the man’s other male aspects like the strength of character or intelligence. The female brain is wired in a totally different way than the male brain that’s why men can be turned on easier by visually sexy effects. Dear men, for the women it works differently, please try to understand that! Actually, most of us can be turned off by receiving this kind of treatment. I wouldn’t even want to know what these men think would be appropriate to send if we are in a relationship!

We live in an age of narcissism where many people believe that they are better than they really are, or sexier than they are.

Some guys out there are really into themselves and their phalluses, and they assume that the woman will be, too, and she will send a sexy picture to them in return. They might think in that way: “I showed you mine, now you show me yours!” Some of them are insecure about their penises and silently they ask for approval, others are uncomfortable to properly express themselves with words that they want to have sex with a girl, so they send a picture of their penises instead. Others use it as a form of sexual harassment.

Women do not find pictures of penises to be aesthetically pleasing at all. We find the whole man we like pleasing, not only his manhood. Men fundamentally misunderstand how most women feel about these type of pictures. And they truly believe it works.

(From the book Bedtime Stories from Stripperland)

https://publioboox.com/en_gb/bedtime-stories-from-stripperland

The way to a stripper’s heart

“On my journey, I have met lots of different men. Some were saints, others were sinners. If my Prince Charming hasn’t come to me on this road, I decided to set out for him. Somewhere our paths will meet and I will recognise in him the man I was waiting for in my entire life, it doesn’t matter what kind of disguise he wears to hide his true self.”

I wrote in my book if I met the right guy, I would recognise him whatever mask he wears. By the time I finished the book, I met someone special at work. I met him in the period when my book was finished but hadn’t been published yet.

How funny, I didn’t want to approach him at the beginning. He was playing on the slot machine and I didn’t want to disturb him, but my boss poked me:

“Go to him, he’s a good customer!”

He called me and treated me like a Princess from the beginning. Can you imagine how much the other girls in the club hated me because of that?? (I wonder if he knew about what kind of book I was working on..)
In that shitty club I was working, he made me feel special.

He was not perfect, but I’m not perfect either. We had some fights, especially when I was drunk at work and I was more passionate about everything than usual. But we found compromises in everything that brought problems to the table. Sometimes the situation was a bit overheated but a few days later we were just laughing at it.

When I changed clubs and needed to travel to another city, he offered me his help that he could take me there in his car and I accepted it with no fears.

When one week later he visited me on that new place, I did something I’ve never ever done before: I paid his bill in the club because he didn’t have enough cash. He didn’t ask, I offered.

I sneaked out from work to my room above the club and brought him the money. You see, I’m not your average stripper! Paying the customer’s bill (5 bottles of expensive champagne) sounds pretty crazy, right? But I trusted him from the beginning and he paid back the last penny I gave him.

Maybe he was not my Mr Right, but he treated me in the right way as man never treated me before. It was not about the five-star hotels, but I’m not gonna lie, I loved that luxury. It was about how he opened the door for me in those hotels and how he helped me with the luggage. Or when a drunk guy at work tried to convince me why I needed immediately to have sex with him, he saw the situation, got my hand without a word and escorted me to his table. In that move there was no possession, “this is my girl” or anything, just the well-known old chivalry.

Lots of guys just dream about dating a stripper. Well, if they behave like most of our customers, no wonder why they don’t have a chance. How to put it in the right way: you have 20 balls in front of you, 19 red and only one blue. The blue one will get your attention, simply because it’s different from the others.
I’m a stripper but also a woman. And just because I’m a stripper, I don’t tolerate misbehaved guys, I would rather go for someone who is different, who knows how to treat a woman and make her feel special.

Men, gentlemen, guys

I have good news for you: my book is finally finished! The most exciting period is yet to come, to find a publisher or literary agent whom I can establish a good relationship for my future plans. Difficult, but it’s not impossible. If I could have reached the point where I’m standing now, there is nothing to stop me from achieving my goals.

I had amazing years of experience in nightlife working as an exotic dancer what made me who I am today and shaped my opinion about men and relationships.

During my work I have realised lots of men don’t know how to approach a dancer, this points to the fact that lots of men don’t know how to approach a woman. The book is about how they shouldn’t approach a dancer or a woman. I didn’t want to write an erotic novel, just to share certain situations and facts about what’s happening in clubs. The main idea was while the whole world is judgemental towards strippers, nobody really talks about those men who have to resort to our service and how they behave. I bared the social stigma for long enough. People judged me for who I am and what I do, this time let me judge other people, first of all, men who come to the clubs. Because these clubs will exist until men have the desire to come in, but nobody judges them for this pastime. I found lots of books written by sex workers, like The Girlfriend Experience by Rebecca Dakin, but not many strippers wrote books about their work. Maybe there are some books on the American market, but there they have a different style and system in clubs than we have in Europe. The books I’ve read about the stripping industry were more like social studies.

My book is basically a bunch of my stories from the blog about strip clubs but focusing on the behaviour of the average customers. I wrote it with the same openness and honesty as I wrote on my blog. The book is based on Prince Charming and fairy tales, because I haven’t met lots of Prince Charming in those clubs, but more often other characters of fairy tales, like the Big Bad Wolf or the childish Peter Pan.

Growing older I must say I haven’t met my Prince Charming yet. Some good Prince Charming material yes, who had the potential but indeed I met lots of Prince Charmless.

Just for fun, I put them and their stories into 12 categories. I don’t want to give an impression that I was dating a lot but if we think about it, every introduction to a customer is like a date when I want to gain his attention and seduce him to get in the private, while he’s offering me drinks. I’m quite judgemental towards men, it’s true. As one of my friends say, the book is harsh and he thinks it can be successful, but he’s happy that he’s not the man who wants to impress me though.

My future plan is to work as a dating coach, I have finished the course this year and to write more books. I’m not thinking about writing self-help books on dating as there are so many already on the market but talking about real relationship issues in fiction. I already have further ideas for other books. Another privilege of me besides being smart, that I’m pretty. Seriously talking, I’ve done some modelling and I’m pretty comfortable front of the camera so I think photo materials could complete the image of a sexy writer as I’m planning to cooperate with more photographers in the future and create more high-quality photos.

My book has been overviewed by two of my friends, one is a photographer and writer himself but he has never been in a strip club in his entire life, the other friend knows every bit of this word and I know him from a club. For the result, both the opinion and support were used for the final touch on the book. Here I’d like to thank them for their help and I’m thankful for those who don’t lose hope in me during this period.

https://publioboox.com/en_gb/bedtime-stories-from-stripperland

London makes me lazy

I saw this advert on the Picadilly line today “Don’t cook, just eat!” That was an online takeaway ad. I do takeaways or fast food sometimes when I’m on the go or I arrive home after a trip and there is no food in my fridge and that time everything is closed. OK, sometimes I’m so lazy to cook and that’s the easier way to pick up the phone and order.

But where is the pleasure of cooking? It’s OK to be lazy and just concentrate on the needs of the body. No effort. (Hopefully, you can lift up the fork alone and not lazy to eat.) But I go further. Fast food, fast sex. Have you ever thought about why are so many escort agencies in London? (or any big cities?) Hm? No effort. You don’t need to play by the rules, you don’t need to buy flowers and bonbons etc. just pick up the phone and order a girl.

In relationships are no real commitments. In overpopulated places a new, a better one always can cross your way. I had a French customer, he lived in London quite a long time before he moved back to Paris. And we discussed this several times. He said Paris as a capital still supports relationships more, but London not at all. You are always ready to leave. So many temptations! You have one foot in the relationship, but the other one is always ready to run away just because that bustie blondie gave you a smile on the corner. And it’s not only true about guys, girls are the same. Simply there is plenty of fish in the sea. But everyone dreams about a long-lasting relationship, where you are mine and I am yours, it just seems we can’t make a 100% sure clear decision to be with that person. Because what if? And this is not a way of an adult. When you are a teenage boy or girl, it’s OK, you have to go through different situations to learn your lessons. But I meet often guys in their fourties who think in the same way.

My favourite is the “married but looking” category. Looking for what? A big bang on your head from your wife when she finds out you’re advertising yourself that way on a dating website? The open relationship is fairer when both parts can look for pleasure outside of the relationship. But I guess the married but looking guy would be very offended if someone fucks his wife while he’s on a business trip.

It sometimes makes me laugh and sometimes sad. I know that urge for looking for something new it’s always there until there are other options. Like “Shall I go for the chicken curry or the pesto pasta salad?” Our community says you can have today this, tomorrow that. Just like ordering from the menu without any effort. But once you got your meal, stop looking at the next table what they are having!

My dog-lover ex

I love animals. Although I’m a cat person, I do love dogs as well. Ok, not those portable handbag dogs. They are cute but for me, the meaning of a dog starts somewhere a normal height. But after experiencing this story I was not able even to look at them for a while.

I was dating a guy who had a small female dog. Of course, I knew him from the club I used to work at that time. But I thought he is a fantastic man. We shared the same way of thinking, a similar mentality from the beginning, same interest. He was a strong character, manly, like a big silent warrior. You know the kind you know you can rely on. He will be there any time you need him. So what about the dog then? No, the story is not that bad as you think, but definitely one of the weirdest that ever happened to me.

For me, his relationship with his dog was acceptable but not quite alright. Maybe I was overreacting but sometimes he gave more attention to the dog than to me. I have made comments about it and he just said I’m jealous of the dog. But he also told me he loves her more than anything else and she has the priority in his life. Because she taught him what real love is. When we had sex I asked him not to let her in the room and he agreed. But when we finished he oped the door and the dog jumped in the bed. He immediately started to play with her, stroke her and I was scratching my head that WTF? I just gave him a blowjob and swallowed his sperm and he’s pampering the dog more than me? All those intimate moments have vanished in a second.

But the main issue was not that. When I first saw the dog humping and cuming on his arm I found the situation funny. Dogs do it on random things, sometimes on a toy or on your leg. The second time I still didn’t want to see the warning signals. But at the 3rd, 4th, 5th times it was bizarre! When I realised that is part of the daily routine, this fantastic, strong guy became so small in my eyes. He lost all my respect. But how can I respect a man who is misunderstanding his own feelings and project his love for a dog? Lonely people often do that but in a sexual way? I felt pity for him. And we had a huge argument. He didn’t want to understand why it’s a problem, animals need that too, it’s nature. Is it nature to pat me in the same way as the dog or using the same words when he made his dog cum than he used with me? That’s sick man!

Psychologically I understand him. He lost his mother and he suppresses lots of love and he became a sad person. Then he got the dog, someone that he can love and take care of. I just don’t know how it became linked with his sexual habits. I’d love to hear what a psychoanalyst would say about that.. how did this become such a habit for him, more important than a woman next to him? When we had an argument I even asked him if he knows that in some countries it’s legal to marry a dog (according to an Australian guy who married his labrador) All he could say it was that he promises me not to do it again front of me! He didn’t understand it’s just way too wrong! He thought it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal! He thought I’m asking him to choose between me and his dog. He didn’t get the point that I ask him to choose between me and his habit. I knew I have to make my decision to accept him with his dog or get my stuff and run away. I told him to ask any healthy-minded woman, none of them would expect that from a guy they want to build a relationship with. So the guy slowly disappeared from my life. In the end, I was the bad one who doesn’t like animals. I do like them. But I love and respect myself more than to stay in this situation.

I often wonder what if I’m not a dancer? Still, can I have all these interesting stories about dating and weird guys all over the planet? Or am I overreacting something here?

I’m curious what other women would do in the same situation…