disappointed Archives - Page 3 of 3

To meet Mr Player

He has a name but I would prefer to call him Mr Player. This given name perfectly describes his real nature. I met him at the club. The first sight I noticed his cute face but I knew from previous experience that I don’t need to get close to this type of guy. This type I just call eye-candy. They are good to look at but you know what to do with a lollipop when you can’t have it all: just throw it in the rubbish bin.

But my eye-candy guy decided to talk to me. His words were sweet just like his face.

“Oh girl, it’s not going to end up well!” said to myself. And usually, I’m good with these feelings…

So he came to me saying that I’m afraid of him. Oh yes, very much!!! Next time he was holding my hand and he said some things like he is working hard and he has a few companies and he is a nice guy but I didn’t pay much attention what he was saying. I listened to my own body and it said: “you want to have sex with that guy”.

Then he started his game.

“If you want to go sailing, I can arrange something. Just call me. Here they know me, you can ask my number from the manager or other girls.”

WTF? I should investigate if I want his number? He can not be serious! But he was. I told him I won’t do it, but if he gives me his number I will call him. He suddenly disappeared. That moment I realised he is my Mr Player guy. If a girl wants his number, she should work on it a bit harder. All my built-in censors sent me a sign “Be careful” with him. But at the same time as he held my hand was something exciting. I’m more proud and discrete then ask his number of any of my colleges but I started to look up him on Facebook. It wasn’t so easy, but I found him. I have some very useful detective skills and I usually get what I want so these two mixed together means I will find what I’m searching for. I sent him a message. He replied late saying he doesn’t check his Facebook so often. Let’s say I believed him. A couple of innocent, flirting messages.

Later he came back to the club. He sent me a text saying “See you tonight BABE!” so I expected him that night. He arrived and even without looking at me he sat at one of the tables in the opposite corner. Hm, that’s going to be interesting. Quickly understood the situation that he’s waiting for me to make the first move. Usually, I would just say f*** off immediately. But now I was hesitating a bit but my feelings won over my pride and I went to his table. After a short talk, he asked me what I want from him. I pretended not to understand. “I’m still waiting,” said with a satisfied smile. Mr Player played very well. I didn’t know how I can get out of the situation as a winner. Finally shyly told him “I want to make love with you” He smiled. I knew what he is playing and I was welcome in the game. He needed to hear it to make the next step. But at the same time, I quickly understood that his self-satisfied smile hides an unsecured character who needs all this positive reinforcement.

He took me to a private dance. He put his hands on both sides, just like with a Go on girl, do your job! attitude. I tried to seduce him. I think I did well as he couldn’t longer resist touching my body. So I passed the test. I was sure that we can have great sex, the matter is only the time. He left me with a promise that we are going to spend the next Monday together. It seemed easy. I want sex, he wants sex, I like him, he likes me. But I almost got a heart attack when he asked me to take the other girls with me! Not because I’m against to chill with his friends or have a house party but I should ask the girls to come with me? I told him if he wants them to come he should invite them himself. (I’m still not a big friend with the French girls here.) The second thing I understood about him that he is manipulating people. I bet he is a single child who got everything from his parents or he has an older brother or sister who was a pioneer before him and fights all the battles with the parents what a kid needs to, and he’s had the beaten track front of him. These people never really learn how to fight for something and they become a bit lazy in interactions with others.

So I was in the middle of the game. And I didn’t mind to be there. As you know the rules and you have the choice to be there, you can not be hurt. I know that. I had a very good teacher previously how to play hard. End of a 1 year “special friendship” we both were hurt badly. I remember our last night with that guy when his bodyguard stepped between us because I was ready to be violent! And God knows what’s happening if I hit first! But this is another story. This guy is softer and maybe a bit too young. Or I’m more experienced with the game now.

Monday. That was funny enough that the girl who previously had an affair with him organised the other girls to come with me with the reason me to get laid down by him. OK, sharing is caring, but if someone tells me that story probably I won’t believe. It feels like I’m taking a whole supporting team with me for a one night stand. They just need to decide who’s going to be the cheerleader. The girls had drinks and shisha, so they were okay. I don’t want to share the dirty details here but he would get 10 out of 10 for his technical performance. But emotionally he couldn’t satisfied me and for a woman is also important or even more important. I didn’t expect a big thing but I like the feeling when I’m able to fall in love with someone for that 30 minutes although I know I won’t see him again. Oh well, he has more to learn about a woman.

After he said he’s going home because he has lots of work on the following day. BUT I can stay with his friend! That point I was laughing inside. He is offering his friends company when I came only because of him? Actually, I had so much fun to analyse the night. It’s like I was there but a part of me was watching the whole situation from the outside. During sex, I wanted to kill that part but if a guy can not do the magic trick to switch off my brain..well, no needs to explain. I don’t blame him, I think Mr Player kinda did his best but the circumstances were awkward to me. But it seemed it works for him. In his car, on the way back home I tried to read him. And I put the picture together. I’m pretty sure he is a nice guy inside but very hard to open up. As he said he is a loner. And I believe so. I think he has a kind of suspicious nature and people have to prove their trustworthiness before he let them close. Once they are there, he would do everything for them, he can be extremely loyal and supportive I guess. But if you can not manage to get into that inner circle, you stay on his playlist. And people are happy to be there. I noticed one thing around him, that every time he came to the club he was followed by a big branch of people. He is like a kinda leader for them who knows where is the best place to go and worth to be followed, and they are there to feeding his Ego. They live happily ever after in a perfect symbiosis.

I saw the mask he was wearing. But there were a few moments when I think I could see behind. I saw that inside he is sensitive, insecure, he is not a shallow person but a deep thinker and he has great values. And I saw that he is definitely would deserve the time to get to know him better. Time, what I don’t have as I’m staying only for a couple of days longer. So I took my place on his playlist. I even asked him not to come to the club after.

He took me home and he said he’s going to sleep. I had a feeling that he goes back to his friends place so I just said good night to him. I got what I wanted, what he is doing after is not my business. I let him think I believe. Later the French girls told me without even asking them that he went back and even wanted to fuck the other girls. I wasn’t surprised at all. I’m not pretty sure that I have to believe also that he offered money for them, because he’s a good looking guy who doesn’t really need to do such a thing, but if it makes him happy. I knew he was going back anyway. And I trust more my instincts than any man on Earth! As I knew he is a fucker (sorry for my English). But basically, I don’t care if he fucked half of the island previously, with that cute face, if I were him I would do the same.

He came back to the club on Wednesday. He said he doesn’t like rules and he doesn’t do what others ask him to do. Typical! I was not so happy to see him. He paid me a drink but while we were talking he was looking for stuff on eBay. Such big respect! At that very moment, I was tempted to dip his mobile into his glass! But I only smiled. I asked him how was the party after I left, letting him know that I know about everything. He answered but I only heard “I blah blah blah….” For me, the game was over.

He said he is hard to read. But I told him I’m good at it. He says exactly what the other wants to hear. If I want a bad guy, he is. If I want a good guy, he is maybe able to put the glasses on and play a geek. But why is so difficult for some guys just to be fair and upfront? Mr Player guy barely has a chance to find one more girl in this club like me. And I hope he is fully aware of that. Not because I’m special but because I play fair. I’m intelligent enough to see the higher correlations. And we have more common as he could think. We both have the inner strength and we don’t wear our heart on the sleeve but I’ve learned how to put my cards on the table without fear and not losing myself in the game.

A few clouds on the Caribbean sky

Well, it seems not even this beautiful blue sky can be flawless. My last week in Guadeloupe held some hard time for me as I’ve got a big lesson in friendship. My friend I came with fell in love with a guy here. I should be happy for them. Actually, I am. But for her was always a difficult part to keep the balance to spend some time with me during travels or with the actual summer lover. Yes, it happened before. When a new possible Mr Right shows up on the horizon, she forgot about others. But maybe previously I was less sensitive about it and I lived with other girls I liked and I could have fun with them while she was away. This time we were depending on each other more. This time I spent my last days off alone thanks to her. (Alone is not fun to go to the beach here when after 15 minutes sunbathing a total stranger find you and talking to you for half an hour, doesn’t matter you pay attention to him or not) And when I got an invitation to a party she told me she wouldn’t come with me but she doesn’t want me to go either because she doesn’t want to worry about me?! PFFFF! Is it really me having extraordinary expectations from others? But I know what I would have done in this situation without hurting anybody. I’ve been in love before but I was always there when someone needed me and never showed my back to a friend. Sometimes I feel I’m losing faith in people.

So yes, it was a very good lesson not to give credit to someone who doesn’t deserve it. And I really should stop caring about those people too. Like now, I was arranging a work contract in New Zealand for both of us from September while she was away having fun. OK, I have to stop complaining too and focus on good things that could happen in my last days here. And I’ve already learned not to keep these people in my Life. If someone wants to go I even help her/him to find the door… I don’t need them anymore.

This is also part of a stripper’s Life. Especially for those who travel a lot. We make friendship with the other girls but these friendships rarely last long. Actually, I was lucky with Giselle because we were never been jealous of each other. Most of the time that is the case. I heard lots of stories that two friends started to work together and very soon they had a big fight because one of them was more successful at work and actually they became enemies. And girls in clubs come and go. Never permanent, never the same. And I learned quickly that I can count only on myself.

Happy 2014 to all!

I hope this year brings lots of new people, adventure and travel into my life, just like the previous one…

Someone asked me a good question and it made me think: what is my goal with writing this blog? I would just simply say to share experience, the good and bad side of this profession. Nothing else really. I don’t have journalist skills and as you can notice I don’t write on my mother language (I apologise ahead for all the grammar mistakes I make here) but I gained a big experience with men over the past 5 years. And some was really a jaw-dropping one.

I know men and women are different. The different way of thinking and different needs. And when I say I understand that, I really mean it. I’m not a nagging and yelling type of girl, and if my guy needs space, I give it to him. I’m not making problems over a few beers with colleagues after work or getting easily jealous. I understand the different problem-solving technics and I’m there for support but not asking every minute what’s wrong and try to talk about it. And I don’t even remember when I asked a guy “do you still love me?” I can say, the guy with me can feel he won the jackpot.

But I’m still single. I don’t know, maybe it’s just about luck, but I feel I always met the wrong type. Of course, I’ve read about all the expectations, that you will get what you give, follow your heart and the Universe helps you to achieve your desires and so on, but I’ve been in some very awkward situations lately. And the point I still can’t understand, why women are reading thousands of self-help books to make their relationships better, while men are more and more lazy to take their part in this. Some can be a real jerk even with a stripper (how do they behave with their girlfriends/wives then?) For example I had a customer the other day here in Luxembourg. He was nice, he usually spends some time in London so he asked me out when the next time we are both there. I thought why not, I give him a chance and I gave him my number… Then he said he go to the toilette, and he just disappeared. Without even saying Goodbye. It’s OK, I thought maybe he changed his mind or whatever. I forgot about the situation. But after a few days, he sent me a text! “Hello Lindsay, how have you been? This is Daniel. I’d love to take you out tonight for dinner and wine. Can you make it by 8 pm? Daniel :)” This time he was already in London, I was still in Luxembourg. And I wouldn’t have been surprised, but I told him I go back only in 2 weeks time. I’m wondering did he really heard what I was saying to him???? “I’m working tonight from 8 pm in the club” I hoped he realises I’m still in Luxembourg. I also told him, when I’m in London, I don’t work. “Hello 🙂 would you like we meet over drinks and we spend the evening together when you’re done from work tonight? I’m staying at the Four Season hotel in Park Lane. Where are you based in London?”That’s it. I started to be angry. Not about he suggested spending the night in a hotel with a total stranger (this kind of offers I get very often) but the lack of the minimum attention and respect to somebody he wants to spend a night with and obviously expecting an incredible amazing sex affair. “Man didn’t you understand that I’m still in Luxembourg til mid-January??????” That point I didn’t even want to be nice… “I was last Friday in Luxembourg. Btw, cannot you be more polite with manners when you type? You seem very aggressive not relaxed type!” I just started to laugh. I couldn’t believe my eyes… First I know that he was in Luxembourg as we met here last Friday. I remember very well as he sneaked out saying he’s going to the toilet. I can’t be that drunk to forget which city or country I am. And I’m the one who is not polite here???? And he feels he has the right judging my way of typing or behaviour? Pfff, please… He was wrong. I wasn’t aggressive but extremely shocked. After he said he’s going to the washroom and disappeared, he really thought that I want to meet up with him again? End of story. No more messages. But the whole situation made me think what’s wrong with men these days.

Gentlemen, even if you want nothing else but a quick sex with a girl from a bar (any bar, not necessary a strip club) do you listen to her at all? I don’t mean when she tells you the name of her sister’s dog, but basic information like how long she stays in the city? You need to know that if you plan to see her again. And in my opinion, when you arrange a dinner with someone, that’s a date. So when you want to date with that girl later, you don’t even care to impress her? I know this guy was a very bad example. Thank God, I’ve met the opposite type more often. But unfortunately, I have no doubts that he’s not the only one out there who urgently needs further educations about how to impress a woman. And I also have no doubts that there are girls that they don’t need more just to show them a few banknotes and they are ready to do anything to you, but I’m not talking about these cases and I’m definitely one of them.

Or another guy from yesterday. I just mentioned him I did 5 years belly dancing at back home.

“Oh ballet, great, I danced too!”

“No, I said belly dance..”

“Yes, ballet is good. Was there any famous ballet group in your city? Like Russian ballet?”

“Sweetie, I’m talking about Egyptian tribal belly dance!”

“Did you do jive as well?”

I decided it’s wiser to be quiet and just smile. End of the day he’s paying for my champagne. And I know the term ballet and belly sound similar and it’s easy to misunderstand with a loud music background, but I’m just wondering did he really hear when I corrected him? Twice?

I started to believe that we have some major communication problems here. Usually, women talk and men listen. But in some cases, men don’t listen at all! And they are surprised if we get upset and blame us for being short tempered. It’s really not a good point if you expect something later on from that woman. Just like the second guy, he asked if I would give him my mobile number and keep in touch. No, it doesn’t work in this way..!
So please Gentlemen, pay more attention to that pretty girl next to you at the bar that you want to date with, to your girlfriend and to your wife, and your life will be much smoother and you will hear less complain.