When I grew up..

I told you before I always wanted to travel even as a kid. And I also wanted to be on stage as a model or dancer. I remember I was maybe 12 years old when I made some clothes and we were playing a catwalk show with my sister and the girls from my neighbourhood. (The short period when I wanted to be an astronomer and I knew the name of the nebulas, doesn’t count here.) Then designing clothes became a part of the play. First I made them by hand, but later I learned how to use the sewing machine. Later I made my own clothes (and more importantly my mum let me wear them to school!) I even made a few for my friends too. Today I enjoy the great benefits of it when I design my costumes, although I never had a plan back in those days that one day I’ll perform as a stripper.
Also, I was about 12 when I started to write poems. I even won a prize once. Literally, the first money I ever made was from my writing skills. And from the money I won, my mum bought me a gold necklace with a small cross. “That will always remind you of the first money you earned!”
See where I am now? I travelled, I’m on stage, I do modelling and I’m about writing a book. Who told you, you can not reach your dreams???
The poem I wrote and it was read the front of the entire school was about my dreams, what I’d like to see in this world. The first part was about the sea. You think it’s not a big deal, but it is indeed for 12 years old who was living in a country with no beachside and the country just came out of the communist era. The second part was about Africa and a real safari with no cages. Done. 7 months lived in Cape Town was one of my biggest adventures so far. The third part was about landscapes, mountains, waterfalls. And I was lucky enough to see the Mt. Fuji and the Niagara. It sounds crazy that you write down at the age of 12 what you’d like to reach and 20 years later you look back and you say “Damn, I’ve done all!” It’s like making a wish list to the Universe “Hello, these are my dreams. Please, help me to reach them!”
My mum was always supportive and I love her dearly. Then I was a rebel at the age of 15 and I had a wild period (who doesn’t at that age?) I remember when I wanted to go to a party wearing fishnet tights and a leather miniskirt, my mum literally stood in the door hands on the side “you’re not going anywhere dressed like this!” Of course I didn’t measure the danger what could happen if I stood in the bus stop dressed like a hooker (we were living in a small village and the bus stop was on the main road where the truck traffic was quite high) God knows what could happen, but I was so focused on going to that party and I was so upset at her stopping me! Good old days. Now 20 years later we always have a good laugh about this story. But besides going to that party, I got everything I ever dreamed of as a kid.

My best moments of being a stripper

I got a question from a reader that if I’m not so happy in my profession why did I choose this one. I think I wrote down enough time that I chose this because it was a good opportunity to travel. But I started dancing 7 years ago. 7 years is a long period and people change. I also changed. I was happy doing this job but now when I travelled from Canada to China, I have different goals in my life and I look for other options. I think it’s absolutely normal in a person’s life when she/he realises it’s time to make certain changes. 7 years I showed to the world my sexy body. Now I feel it’s time to show that I also have a beautiful soul!

And about my best moments.. here are they:

That’s a photo montage I selected from my Facebook albums. I only used the photos where I’m alone, I don’t want to cause trouble to other dancers who wish to keep their identity a secret. But if I had never chosen to live in this way, I couldn’t have these pictures. As my mum used to say: “These are the memories that nobody can take away from you!”

The Death of the Phoenix

I’m going home to die…
No need to worry, everything is OK with me, there are no issues with my health. I’m not going home to literally die. But as I always said, the symbol of the Phoenix has a strong effect on my Life. And just like the Phoenix, I’m going to die to reborn. The old habits, patterns will die with me, I don’t want to follow them any longer. It’s a strange feeling when one day you wake up and you realise in a nanosecond what you’re doing wrong in your Life. Like a newborn baby, you open your eyes the first time and you see clearly. But it’s up to you what you’re going to do with this realisation. I’m cutting everything off that I don’t really need or not useful to me, that makes me feel tired, angry, sad or doubtful. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Things that hold me back. It’s like a big spring cleaning! I have no regrets. I truly believe that things that belong to my Life they will find the way back to me, the rest is just a matter of time when will leave by themselves.
It’s painful, but I need to grow. I put 8 years into 4 boxes and decided to go back to Hungary. At least for a while, until I make the final decision. I don’t want to live in a fantasy world any more, I decided to come out to the daylight. My eyes still hurt but soon I will get used to it. And I need my family and my family needs me. Where ever you travel in this world, it’s always good to go back to your roots, where is the source of your blood.
I often said after reaching my dream – to go to Japan – I have nothing to take from this dancing world. For me, that was the last step on the career ladder in this work (if we can call it a career) but after that, I didn’t find much happiness in it. Stories and experience for my book, yes, but now I need to find the time to work more on that book and set up new goals.
I don’t stop to work because I still have bills to pay but I will do less and less, and focus more on other aspects of my Life. I will still post here, but more from memory than about actual workplaces. And when I’m ready to reborn, I spread my wings and I will return.

Wish me good luck and strength!


‘Cause I’m a gipsy

No, not being racist here against gipsies, but if Shakira can sing a song about being a gipsy so I can write about it, right? Someone told me that we, strippers, are the gipsies of the modern world. And I must say I agree with that person. If you hear the word “gipsy” what other words come to your mind straight away? Let me help. Entertaining. Music. Dance. Thief. Magician. Travel. Bags. Free. Wild. Nomad. No agreement, no commitments. No rules.
Dancing and entertaining don’t require further explanation, I guess. As a negative aspect, some might think we also have a dark, criminal side and the dancing business linked to the underworld. I don’t think I tell a big secret that you can’t open a strip club without knowing the local mafia or if not, sooner or later they will appear and introduce themselves to you. Once I worked in a club when the manager asked me to steal my drunk customer’s credit card, and then he can charge him more bottles of champagne – of course, the most expensive one. He was very generous, and he reminded me I also could get more money after this action. Luckily it happened my last days in that club, so I refused to help him do more business in that way, and I left with no trouble. But I can understand where this negative stigma is coming from.
Sometimes we also need to develop some magic skills to disappear after our shift. Just like Houdini! I remember once I had a customer, a lovely man from Belgium. He was a nice guy until he started to get drunk and became aggressive and abusive. By the time when we finished work, he was screaming outside of the club, kicking the rubbish bins and making the possibly biggest noise around 4 am in a residential area. Because he thought I would go home with him. (That time I’ve already learned the lesson not to promise such a thing like “I see you after work if you buy me a bottle of champagne”, but in his mind somehow it was a different case.) He was angry, and nobody could make him calm. My manager tried to talk to him, no success. So one of my friends called a taxi for herself and for my safety she offered me to take me to the bus stop. It was like in an action movie. My friend went ahead, talked to the taxi driver, who drove the car to the entrance as close as he could. Then my friend opened the door and when my manager waved with his hand that the guy doesn’t pay attention – probably he was busy kicking the metal bins – I covered my head with my jacket, jumped into the car and we left. OK, Houdini could do better tricks, but I wished I could disappear and get out of the situation just as he could. So magic, yes, we also use it sometimes.
And my favourite part is the travel. Sometimes I even leave my clothes in the suitcase. I don’t see the point to put them in a wardrobe, and I get dressed straight from my bag. I use to say that I don’t have a home, but I’m home everywhere I go. And it’s true. After the second week, I got used to the new place, the new environment and I start to feel I could stay even longer. But I don’t stay. There is always a new place waiting for me to discover. And once you got the taste of this lifestyle, this kind of freedom, it’s hard to give it up. So yes, I feel like a gipsy travelling from town to town, from country to country to entertain with my dance. Never stay long for one place, never settled down. And I make my own rules.
I remember when my yakuza friend asked me:
“When do you stop this lifestyle? Taking risks?”
“You know I think we are very similar in that. Probably never. Being free and taking risks is in our blood.”
Also, the common belief is that gipsies were mining the gold just like strippers are golddiggers — another common social stigma. And we trust no one. I could tell you stories about having trust issues mainly towards men. But that would be a whole new post here.

Working with agencies

Some people are still wondering how I get the jobs in all those amazing countries. And when I say I work with different agencies, they scratch their heads. Yes, there are agencies for strippers! So here is a little explanation.
If I know the agency, I go to the website and check all the clubs they offer, I pick one or two and email them if there is free space in that particular club or if I can fit in the frame. Usually, they answer relatively quickly. I don’t pay a commission to the agencies, but usually, they get money after me from the club. For example, in some clubs, if I go with an agency, I get let’s say €10 less daily salary than the girls who don’t work with an agency. But at the same time, I save energy to apply to each clubs separately and asking about details of work. As I mentioned in December going to interviews was a nightmare and it was lots of time wasters. With an agency that all, I can avoid. Also, I have to be careful about which agency I can trust. Here are some I worked recently and I’ve got what they offered on the site.
It’s not happening always. Like in Pescara the agency told me there is a private dance in the club and it was not, also in Paris the agency offered me fix daily salary and when I was there I figured out there is no fixed salary at all. If I knew it before I wouldn’t have applied because that time I didn’t want to take a risk trying a new club on a commission base only (simply I just couldn’t afford it) and I even told the agency yet they still sent me there. It was not nice at all. It was some misunderstanding between the club and the agency and even in the contract they were talking about two different clubs with two different systems, but still, the agency has to be clear with the contract and the conditions before sending anybody there. But my worst experience was in Luxembourg. The agency told me to call them when I arrive at the airport and they will let me know if I need to take the bus to the city or someone comes to pick me up. I tried to call but nobody picked up the phone or answered my messages. I was there maybe an hour and I decided to get to the city. I had no contact number of anyone from the club, the agency didn’t give me any details except the address. I found the club and I tried to make a phone call again at the front door. Again silence, no answer. I was waiting with luggage half an hour in the rain outside of a strip club – people gave me funny look on the street – when luckily one girl came back from her shopping and asked me if I’m the new girl so she let me into the apartment. But I was very upset with the agency!
They can be also quite funny with age limits. When I applied to Macau, I kept getting NO’s because the club wants younger girls. I tried with a different agency later and they accepted my application. So now if I really want to go to a place (like now I’m keen on trying Norway as I’ve heard lots of good about it) I will try different agencies. Conditions can be varied depending on the contract between the club and the agency. So it’s worth to try.
Now I’m trying to find a place in Germany, so I spend time emailing the agencies and asking for more specific details of the clubs there. Once I have the answer, I can buy my tickets as proof of a serious booking and I can focus on other things. So I’m not resting between two contracts and I also do the photoshoots as I always need new photos to my portfolio and for the applications. A good photo is a half success to get hired.
Also, I have lots of info about clubs and agencies from the girls I worked with, we share our experiences with each other. I often got messages from girls if I would recommend a club to them or not, questions like how was there with work, money, management, other girls etc. when I worked there. It’s always difficult to tell because it so depends on the personality and the work style. Even clubs have ups and downs, maybe I worked there in a not so busy period and the girl went there in a good time. It happened before and later I got the feedback that I was lying to her because I didn’t want her to make good money. Obviously, she didn’t know me well and all I did was telling her my honest experience with that club. (By the way, she didn’t even say thank you.) But since then I’m more careful with girls I don’t know that much both way taking or giving advice. That’s why it’s also good to double check with an agency.