dating Archives - Page 2 of 4 - HeartBrokenStilettos

London makes me lazy

I saw this advert on the Picadilly line today “Don’t cook, just eat!” That was an online takeaway ad. I do takeaways or fast food sometimes when I’m on the go or I arrive home after a trip and there is no food in my fridge and that time everything is closed. OK, sometimes I’m so lazy to cook and that’s the easier way to pick up the phone and order.

But where is the pleasure of cooking? It’s OK to be lazy and just concentrate on the needs of the body. No effort. (Hopefully, you can lift up the fork alone and not lazy to eat.) But I go further. Fast food, fast sex. Have you ever thought about why are so many escort agencies in London? (or any big cities?) Hm? No effort. You don’t need to play by the rules, you don’t need to buy flowers and bonbons etc. just pick up the phone and order a girl.

In relationships are no real commitments. In overpopulated places a new, a better one always can cross your way. I had a French customer, he lived in London quite a long time before he moved back to Paris. And we discussed this several times. He said Paris as a capital still supports relationships more, but London not at all. You are always ready to leave. So many temptations! You have one foot in the relationship, but the other one is always ready to run away just because that bustie blondie gave you a smile on the corner. And it’s not only true about guys, girls are the same. Simply there is plenty of fish in the sea. But everyone dreams about a long-lasting relationship, where you are mine and I am yours, it just seems we can’t make a 100% sure clear decision to be with that person. Because what if? And this is not a way of an adult. When you are a teenage boy or girl, it’s OK, you have to go through different situations to learn your lessons. But I meet often guys in their fourties who think in the same way.

My favourite is the “married but looking” category. Looking for what? A big bang on your head from your wife when she finds out you’re advertising yourself that way on a dating website? The open relationship is fairer when both parts can look for pleasure outside of the relationship. But I guess the married but looking guy would be very offended if someone fucks his wife while he’s on a business trip.

It sometimes makes me laugh and sometimes sad. I know that urge for looking for something new it’s always there until there are other options. Like “Shall I go for the chicken curry or the pesto pasta salad?” Our community says you can have today this, tomorrow that. Just like ordering from the menu without any effort. But once you got your meal, stop looking at the next table what they are having!

My dog-lover ex

I love animals. Although I’m a cat person, I do love dogs as well. Ok, not those portable handbag dogs. They are cute but for me, the meaning of a dog starts somewhere a normal height. But after experiencing this story I was not able even to look at them for a while.

I was dating a guy who had a small female dog. Of course, I knew him from the club I used to work at that time. But I thought he is a fantastic man. We shared the same way of thinking, a similar mentality from the beginning, same interest. He was a strong character, manly, like a big silent warrior. You know the kind you know you can rely on. He will be there any time you need him. So what about the dog then? No, the story is not that bad as you think, but definitely one of the weirdest that ever happened to me.

For me, his relationship with his dog was acceptable but not quite alright. Maybe I was overreacting but sometimes he gave more attention to the dog than to me. I have made comments about it and he just said I’m jealous of the dog. But he also told me he loves her more than anything else and she has the priority in his life. Because she taught him what real love is. When we had sex I asked him not to let her in the room and he agreed. But when we finished he oped the door and the dog jumped in the bed. He immediately started to play with her, stroke her and I was scratching my head that WTF? I just gave him a blowjob and swallowed his sperm and he’s pampering the dog more than me? All those intimate moments have vanished in a second.

But the main issue was not that. When I first saw the dog humping and cuming on his arm I found the situation funny. Dogs do it on random things, sometimes on a toy or on your leg. The second time I still didn’t want to see the warning signals. But at the 3rd, 4th, 5th times it was bizarre! When I realised that is part of the daily routine, this fantastic, strong guy became so small in my eyes. He lost all my respect. But how can I respect a man who is misunderstanding his own feelings and project his love for a dog? Lonely people often do that but in a sexual way? I felt pity for him. And we had a huge argument. He didn’t want to understand why it’s a problem, animals need that too, it’s nature. Is it nature to pat me in the same way as the dog or using the same words when he made his dog cum than he used with me? That’s sick man!

Psychologically I understand him. He lost his mother and he suppresses lots of love and he became a sad person. Then he got the dog, someone that he can love and take care of. I just don’t know how it became linked with his sexual habits. I’d love to hear what a psychoanalyst would say about that.. how did this become such a habit for him, more important than a woman next to him? When we had an argument I even asked him if he knows that in some countries it’s legal to marry a dog (according to an Australian guy who married his labrador) All he could say it was that he promises me not to do it again front of me! He didn’t understand it’s just way too wrong! He thought it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal! He thought I’m asking him to choose between me and his dog. He didn’t get the point that I ask him to choose between me and his habit. I knew I have to make my decision to accept him with his dog or get my stuff and run away. I told him to ask any healthy-minded woman, none of them would expect that from a guy they want to build a relationship with. So the guy slowly disappeared from my life. In the end, I was the bad one who doesn’t like animals. I do like them. But I love and respect myself more than to stay in this situation.

I often wonder what if I’m not a dancer? Still, can I have all these interesting stories about dating and weird guys all over the planet? Or am I overreacting something here?

I’m curious what other women would do in the same situation…

Why are men so coward these days?

(Some big Egos for sure would love to burn me at the stake after reading this article!)

Yesterday night I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers. We started to talk about relationships generally and he said his opinion is that we live in a women’s world. The guy is a master in 3 different kinds of martial arts, not the stereotype of a mommy’s boy, so I was surprised when I heard that from a strong alfa-male type of guy. Such a convenience, earlier I was reading an article about that when the writer – a man – had the same opinion.

And dear Gentlemen, I share the same thoughts. The women are braver and more open these days and more capable to take the consequences for their own acts, for their own feelings. The men look strong and brave, but if you scratch their big Egos, you realise under the surface how emotionally unstable they are. Immature. Full of doubts and despairs. (Come on, you can throw those stones, but sorry if the shoe fits…) I give you examples. My ex after 2 years relationship just disappeared. Not giving any explanation, not answering my emails, my questions, just totally cut me off. I still don’t know exactly why. Or the guy I was seeing lately after we had an argument, just deleted me from Facebook instead of finding the solution to the problem. That was his problem-solving method. (Of course, later he sent me a friend request again, but I don’t play this game. Once you deleted me, it’s going to stay like that. Add as a friend and unfriend me and friend request again.. so childish! Oh, and he is in his forties!) And I can bring you tonnes of example from my life. Even a customer. “I will have a dance with you later. I just need to go to the toilet first.” He never came back. And the list is endless. The other girl who sat at the table was nodding her head and also brought up some examples from her life.

The question is there dear Gents: why are you not able to tell us the truth? Why is it easier to sneak out than face the problems? You have a straight opinion but you are afraid to say. One guy told me when he and his partner are having an argument, it’s always good to wait until the storm is gone. But when is no storm? When the situation is simple and not emotions are involved? Why are you not able to say out loud in a strip club that “Sorry, you’re pretty but I prefer tall (short, blonde, brunette girls with big boobies, etc. etc.)” or “I want to take your friend for a dance. Is that OK?” Of course, it’s OK! I would even say thank you for being honest and not wasting my time. (Forget about those girls who get sore and call you an idiot because they are also immature.)

And there is one thing you definitely have to think about: how you want me to respect you after I figured out you’re a coward? Are you afraid of making decisions in your private life or not able to take the consequences for your actions? You’re always pointing the other but never say “Sorry, I made a mistake?” You can not face the problems and you can’t act like a grown-up man? When you’re just being cold and keep distance instead of saying “Honey, it ain’t gonna work for us.”? Lots of guys cannot be upfront.

I’m not perfect either. I have my own mistakes (a full list of them!) But I never put my head into the sand when it comes to difficulties and I always keep my promises. And I want the same in return. Someone told me I’m a man-hater. No, I’m not. I make money out of them, how can I hate them? 🙂 End of the day they pay my rent, my bills, my travels. I don’t hate them. I just don’t always understand them. I’m also aware that there are guys who don’t fall into this category. Luckily. But I meet them rarely. And don’t tell me those guys just want to be polite! You still can reject someone on a polite way.. and you gain some respect in return. That point we also agreed with my customer but he couldn’t give me answers. I took him for a dance instead.

Dear Gentlemen, the question is there. If you feel offended or you can answer my question, please don’t hesitate to comment!

I would be happy to hear a different opinion.

The Little House of Fetish

I can not call myself a prude woman. I had a boyfriend before that he loved me wearing stockings in bed. I didn’t find it difficult if that makes him happy, why not. As I’m doing fetish modelling these kinds of desires are not unknown to me. I don’t know why but I noticed lately that guys with secret fantasies sooner or later open up for me and telling me or their dirty secrets. And I love those private dances when my customer only wants to give me a foot massage or lick the heels of my shoes! But experience something extreme in private life, it’s a different story.

First I was dating a guy and he liked the glossy, shiny hold-ups on me. For every date we had he arrived with a pair of black stockings. He knows I love the vintage style Agent Provocateur ones (I already have a whole collection of them) So we were dating for a while but one night after having sex he turned to me saying: “Honey, I love your legs in these stockings. But what if next time I’m gonna wear them?”

End of story. I didn’t know if I should have been embarrassed or laugh out loudly. I had no words to him just went to the bathroom because I couldn’t hide my surprised face. Obviously, that was our last date. Can you imagine a big, masculine guy asking you for wearing your tights? I know in this century we shouldn’t be surprised at all, but the personal experience is more intense and you really don’t want something like that from a guy who anyway could be a long-term partner or the father of your child.

In the second situation I was more brave and curious (and let’s say tipsier). I had a customer that I had a good time with, we were laughing a lot and opened the bottle of champagne one after another. Suddenly he just gave me his whisky glass.

“I want you to pee in it!”

Probably the alcohol I drunk previously made the effect on me that I was not surprised.

“OK, I do but only if you drink it!”

It’s definitely not something I do often. But that was one of the situations in my life when I chose to go beyond my limits. And he was only a customer I’ve seen first time (and last time), I mean there were no emotions attached. So I did it for him. He drunk it with no facial expression just like he’d drink his whisky. He only asked for some ice to put in. OK, this is also something we know it exists, no surprise here. But such a big difference in person than just to hear about it.

The third one was the weirdest I can say although I don’t know if I should mention it on the same page with the fetish. All my readers can decide about it.. (I’d love to know what Freud would comment!) I met this guy. He was one of the kindest types that I don’t meet quite often and somehow I felt good with him from the beginning. But he had this tiny little thing: a small dog. I had boyfriends with dogs before and after him but it was something I’ve never seen. First, when she (you read it well, SHE!) started to humping on his arm, I did not pay attention to it. Nature has its funny ways to express itself. But later on, I realised that is kinda part of the daily routine: feeding the dog, playing with the dog, make the dog cum… Yuck! When I asked how he knows that she has an orgasm, he said: “Her pussy is moving just like yours.” (I felt sort of offended that my pussy has been compared to a dog’s.)

Later I tried to tell him that I don’t think this is a healthy way of living with a dog, but his answer was “it’s normal, you can check it on Youtube, there are lots of videos” Yes, but the normal reaction from guys is laughing on it, make a video because it’s strange or simply just tell the dog to “go away”. Not to mention not everything is normal what you can watch on Youtube. I also googled it, but I had to stop educating myself on this subject when the 2nd or 3rd article was a step by step guide “how to train your dog to fuck you”.

My mistake that I didn’t say anything to him about how disgusting it was. I just couldn’t find the right words. It made me confused and I even questioned my own sexuality when after having sex with me he still wanted to please his dog. (As I noticed that he was the one who generated the whole game. I don’t want to talk here about Pavlov, his dogs, the reflexes and that bell..) Because the dog taught him to love. Excellent, so what I’m doing here? So next time when I’m single, feeling lonely and unloved, should I buy a horse??? I’m done. No more words. The rest is out of the question.

But again, I learned something about myself. Since then I know I’m not able to love someone unconditionally, just the way he is. In theory, it sounds beautiful, but good or not, I have my own conditions. And I think every healthy-minded women would think in the same way.

(Overall I try not being judgemental here. It’s not about put those guys on a blacklist. End of the day it is their life, their choice, their habits. But they helped me a lot to realise my own limitations and acceptance.)

Sweet like sugar but not a Sugababe

It’s just another thing I have to tell. Lots of people think we, strippers are super rich! I heard so many times that “you should buy me a drink because you earn more than me!” Dear Gentlemen, I don’t. Those days when the staff of the club swiped the money off from the stage after the dancer’s performance, are over. The world has been gone through some financial crisis, don’t forget. And customers are not that generous anymore. In some clubs, I don’t earn more with dancing than an average waitress in a pub. (Here I don’t want to go deeper again that I’m doing it for the travel experiences not exactly for the money.) But all those girls they make extraordinary money, well, let’s be honest, they do extra. With “clean” work, you can be lucky only sometimes, or keep a good regular customer with intelligent conversations or charm, but that’s it.

And if you ever wonder what a stripper does with the money? I can’t talk about others, but because I work for tips sometimes, I decided to give out a part of it. I became the sponsor of a 5 years old girl in Myanmar. The money comes easy and goes easy. But if it goes, I like when it goes for a good reason. Of course, I buy shoes and other stuff too, I’m a woman and I need lots of them for work and for the modelling, but I know life is not only about these. And I believe in Karma that what you give, you will get back. It’s still such a cliche that all the strippers spend their money on drugs or they give it to their boyfriends. I worked with lots of girls that spent the money they earned on their education!

I can’t say I make a fortune with this job. But what I make is mine, I don’t depend on anybody. Of course, I was playing with the thought to find a rich guy and all my money issues would be solved, but I had to realise that I’m not that kind of woman who goes in this kind of relationship easily. I got this offer before. The guy offered me a nice apartment close to his, paying all my bills and £500 cash weekly for being his “girlfriend”. Nice, hm? The golden cage. By the way, I forgot to mention: he was fat, ugly, not so old but he became extremely arrogant when I rejected his offer. Not the type I would do anything with, and nobody can buy me, my love or respect in this way. I would rather earn less but feel free. But I also find it difficult with the guy I like. Or even more difficult. I can not just move into someone’s place with 2 suitcases and say “Here I am!” when I didn’t put a nail into the wall there. I can not feel good there. It feels like I’m only a guest, in long-term I would never be able to feel the place like my home. I would feel he’s the King of his Castle, and there is his territory, his rules, and I’m out of my comfort zone. Probably I’m too independent and just the idea to depend on someone could freeze me totally. I start to believe that I have too much (and unnecessary) pride tough.

I don’t judge the girl who is in a beneficial relationship. Maybe I will try once. But I blame the industry I live and work in. Sometimes these girls are very young and they want to live a certain kind of life without being able to afford it. Some are struggling to pay the rent but they’re saving money for a new Louis Vuitton bag. In a better case, they find someone who would be happy to buy it for them. Therefore they count on these men taking them on expensive holidays and fancy places and the idea of living like a princess becomes reality but only for short period. But what after? For these men there will be always a younger, prettier girl, they can not rely on them for a lifetime. Not anymore. It worked in the last centuries but these days when everything and everybody is replaceable so easily, I don’t trust in these relationships.

Oh well, this is the World we live in nowadays. And this is only my opinion. You can throw a stone at me but I still don’t go into a relationship based only on money. Call me old-fashioned, but – even I worked 6 years in the night – I can say I still believe in LOVE!