Meeting Mr Grey

I think there is nobody on this planet who doesn’t know who is Mr Grey and his fifty shades. Or what does it mean being Mr Grey? In my recent club in Germany, it was a quiet night, not so many customers. This guy came in and sat in the booth in the corner. He was wearing a blue jumper so actually, I should call him Mr Blue. I went over to say hello but he was not interested. I would say he was a bit arrogant and distant so I left him after 5 minutes talking.
He was just an average looking guy but he mentioned something that he’s special.
(Oh yeah, everybody here thinks he’s special!) Then I sat with another customer in the next booth, but I felt he’s watching me. It kind of made me angry. If you don’t want my company and pay me, stop staring!
My customer left and I sat alone while the other girls were working. Suddenly this guy came to my table and sat down next to me.
“Don’t you remember me? I was here on Tuesday!”
I started to collect all the missing moments from Tuesday but I was a little bit tipsy so I couldn’t remember him at all. For sure he was not the one who made me drunk. I would remember if he spent money on me, otherwise how you can expect that a dancer will remember all the guys wandering around in the club? But the situation was embarrassing.. maybe I told him something not so nice and now I don’t remember?
“Do you want a piccolo (the small bottle of champagne)?”
“Yes, please!”
And the waitress girl brought a cane – it was hidden behind the bar for naughty customers – with my drink.
“Now I remember you!”
He was sitting with another girl and they spanked each other with the cane. He bent over the bar and the girl spanked him and then they changed and he got spanked. It looked like they had fun though.
“It was not really clear for me if you are the dom or the sub?”
“I like both.”
I have to admit I like to talk about fetish. I wanted to understand how someone can become a fetishist. I mean HOW? And why? It’s one big mystery for me. Often guys in clubs asked me to dominate them but in real life, I wouldn’t play this game. Teasing and pleasing yes, but not the hardcore fetish games. Often guys ask me to spank them hard or beat them with their belt, or put the belt around their neck and lead them around the club. They also like to be humiliated while other guys are watching. But they pay me to do that. So we shared our experience and the drink came to the table one after another.
“Do you like to be spanked?”
“I don’t know, I never tried.”
It’s strange before nobody wanted to dominate me. A little spank in a kinky way during private dance was acceptable but nobody asked me in real. Since I’m learning to be more feminine, it seems it happens more often.
So I let him spank me with the cane, twice. The first one was very mild. I was more curious how much it can hurt and what reaction my body makes.
It was nothing. He spanked me second time in real. Auch! My body can deal with pain, I felt it but it was still okay. (It was still nothing compared to the pain I bear in my heart these days.)
But after discovering my limits, I forgot a small thing: that I have very sensitive skin. After 2 days the bruises on my bum still look very bad and they are in every colour not only grey. Seriously, I think I can forget G-string for the following week. If someone sees it, he might think I have a very abusive boyfriend at home!
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Photoblog – House of Fetish

Just a little proof that I’m doing fetish modelling sometimes. I hope you like it!

Photo by Eddie Ataman

With love,


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The Little House of Fetish

I can not call myself a prude woman. I had a boyfriend before that he loved me wearing stockings in bed. I didn’t find it difficult if that makes him happy, why not. As I’m doing fetish modelling these kinds of desires are not unknown to me. I don’t know why but I noticed lately that guys with secret fantasies sooner or later open up for me and telling me or their dirty secrets. And I love those private dances when my customer only wants to give me a foot massage or lick the heels of my shoes! But experience something extreme in private life, it’s a different story.
First I was dating a guy and he liked the glossy, shiny hold-ups on me. For every date we had he arrived with a pair of black stockings. He knows I love the vintage style Agent Provocateur ones (I already have a whole collection of them) So we were dating for a while but one night after having sex he turned to me saying: “Honey, I love your legs in these stockings. But what if next time I’m gonna wear them?”
End of story. I didn’t know if I should have been embarrassed or laugh out loudly. I had no words to him just went to the bathroom because I couldn’t hide my surprised face. Obviously, that was our last date. Can you imagine a big, masculine guy asking you for wearing your tights? I know in this century we shouldn’t be surprised at all, but the personal experience is more intense and you really don’t want something like that from a guy who anyway could be a long-term partner or the father of your child.
In the second situation I was more brave and curious (and let’s say tipsier). I had a customer that I had a good time with, we were laughing a lot and opened the bottle of champagne one after another. Suddenly he just gave me his whisky glass.
“I want you to pee in it!”
Probably the alcohol I drunk previously made the effect on me that I was not surprised.
“OK, I do but only if you drink it!”
It’s definitely not something I do often. But that was one of the situations in my life when I chose to go beyond my limits. And he was only a customer I’ve seen first time (and last time), I mean there were no emotions attached. So I did it for him. He drunk it with no facial expression just like he’d drink his whisky. He only asked for some ice to put in. OK, this is also something we know it exists, no surprise here. But such a big difference in person than just to hear about it.
The third one was the weirdest I can say although I don’t know if I should mention it on the same page with the fetish. All my readers can decide about it.. (I’d love to know what Freud would comment!) I met this guy. He was one of the kindest types that I don’t meet quite often and somehow I felt good with him from the beginning. But he had this tiny little thing: a small dog. I had boyfriends with dogs before and after him but it was something I’ve never seen. First, when she (you read it well, SHE!) started to humping on his arm, I did not pay attention to it. Nature has its funny ways to express itself. But later on, I realised that is kinda part of the daily routine: feeding the dog, playing with the dog, make the dog cum… Yuck! When I asked how he knows that she has an orgasm, he said: “Her pussy is moving just like yours.” (I felt sort of offended that my pussy has been compared to a dog’s.)
Later I tried to tell him that I don’t think this is a healthy way of living with a dog, but his answer was “it’s normal, you can check it on Youtube, there are lots of videos” Yes, but the normal reaction from guys is laughing on it, make a video because it’s strange or simply just tell the dog to “go away”. Not to mention not everything is normal what you can watch on Youtube. I also googled it, but I had to stop educating myself on this subject when the 2nd or 3rd article was a step by step guide “how to train your dog to fuck you”.
My mistake that I didn’t say anything to him about how disgusting it was. I just couldn’t find the right words. It made me confused and I even questioned my own sexuality when after having sex with me he still wanted to please his dog. (As I noticed that he was the one who generated the whole game. I don’t want to talk here about Pavlov, his dogs, the reflexes and that bell..) Because the dog taught him to love. Excellent, so what I’m doing here? So next time when I’m single, feeling lonely and unloved, should I buy a horse??? I’m done. No more words. The rest is out of the question.
But again, I learned something about myself. Since then I know I’m not able to love someone unconditionally, just the way he is. In theory, it sounds beautiful, but good or not, I have my own conditions. And I think every healthy-minded women would think in the same way.
(Overall I try not being judgemental here. It’s not about put those guys on a blacklist. End of the day it is their life, their choice, their habits. But they helped me a lot to realise my own limitations and acceptance.)
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Boring, boring..!

Well, I must suggest that this is the most boring job I’ve ever had. I know that this is the time for football, beers and World Cup for lots of guys (I was no surprised when I read an article about the divorce rate increased 5% in China during these days) Our club is deadly empty. In every place can have 1 or 2 bad days, but nearly 2 weeks? And the World Cup hasn’t been finished yet.

And of course, when it’s less busy, women have more chance to talk about others. Thank God, I don’t speak French so I don’t get involved! But funny at the same time because I understand what they talk about, I just play the stupid that I don’t. So the manager complains about the girls that they don’t work hard enough, the barmaid complains about the manager that she wants her to do everything at the same time, the girls complain about customers that they don’t want to spend money and of course about each other that the apartment is dirty and so on. And me complaining about the whole club here. 🙂 No, it’s not really a truth, I can’t complain because nothing is happening there. It reminds me of when I was working in London during the Olympic Games. Everybody expected to be super busy, but clubs, restaurants, cafes in the centre were not busier than usual. The club I worked was also quiet but there we could use the Internet, read a book (I used that time to study) or sleep. Here it’s not like that. I’m sitting at the bar for hours with a straight back looking at the line of alcohol bottles. Sometimes I move to a different chair for a different view. I never understood why we can’t use our mobile to kill the time when it’s not a single customer there. But at the same time, I can’t say anything because I have a good daily salary so basically I’m making money doing nothing. Oh, and I almost forget! Since I’m here I haven’t performed on stage, not even once in 3 weeks!

And when it’s customers, they are easy. When they buy me a bottle of champagne in the VIP and they don’t speak English I suddenly have better skills than a pantomimic artist and they like it. Or sometimes they don’t want to talk to the girls at all, they only come to see the manager or the boss, but they buy a glass of drink one after another for us too. We just sit there and smile. Easy peasy, isn’t it?

But I must say I met some crazy guys here too. The one who took me for a private dance and only wanted me to sit on his face was the weirdest. I’ve heard about that fetish before but when you meet someone who literally likes it, it’s different. I only could think about what is wrong with this guy? The one who wanted to lick my armpit couldn’t be bothered me so. But what I found strange here, more customer asked me to slap him on the face or beat him up.. more than other countries. So they would be the gangster type guys with a little Italian blood that need a Mamma to punish them when they misbehave? They can not give me answers about why they like it, so I think I need to buy a book about this subject. No problem, I have lots of time to educate myself here!

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