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Stripper’s burn out

Yesterday one of the customers told his friend as he passed by:

“You can say anything, I think it’s a fucking hard job.” I really wanted to stop him and talk about it, but he was already about to leave. He is right. We’re constantly interacting with people using our private zone. Not like a waitress who takes the order, serves the customer and leaves the table. We let any drunk, ignorant, drugged person enter our comfort zone, so easy to collect all the negative energies, emotional rubbish from them. We have to deal with rejection, more than one time a night, and we have to participate in mind games. Easily lead into burn out, alcohol or/and drug abuse.

If you don’t make money, men are your enemies because they don’t pay. If you make money, your colleagues are your enemies because of jealousy. And the management also can give you hard time. Usually, when the club is not so busy – like here now–, they drive the girls crazy to sending them to customers. “You have to go to every client! You came here to work, not just to sit!” Which is true, but let me decide who I want to work with. I often don’t see the point to go over the table if I already know the guy won’t pay. But still, they want me to go the guy in the corner who almost sleeping because he’s so drunk or the one who didn’t buy a single dollar to give out to the girls. Pointless.

I tried to find out why I was so stressed and not so successful at work lately, but mainly I blamed others. (Of course, it’s always the easiest way!) Doesn’t matter how hard I tried, the end was always disappointment and failure. If something didn’t happen as I wished, I called the guy an idiot and left him. But lately I took the time to stop, I investigate my emotions, get rid of the old, useless things and habits and go ahead with a lighter heart. Now I just smile when a girl shut the door in the changing room with anger saying “These are fucking idiots!”

You know everything is okay when you sit and smile, then go on stage, shake your booty a bit and men start queueing to have a chance to talk to you or take you to the private. I know I’m okay and balanced when guys come to me at work. I don’t need to lift up my pretty bum from the chair, they come to me asking if I want a drink or a dance. (Hm, let me think about it.) They come to me because I’m smiley and easy to approach. I like when work is that smooth and I enjoy myself. I don’t need to pretend I like people, I really do and I enjoy talking to them. I’m radiant. But it took almost 3 months emotional cleansing. When nothing happened on the surface but a lot inside. You know the feeling when you just want to hide from people. Low energy. Lost motivations. Like stepping in the mud. The more steps you make, the deeper you get. In the mud, I was searching for helping hands but forget about my own. Some could help and lift me up a few inches and hold me there temporary, some just pushed me even deeper.

Enough! Let’s see what is under the water! I let myself to swirl into the deep emotions and I went through all the stages of anger, blame, despair, self-pity. But as a result, I came out as a stronger person. And now I enjoy the fruits of my work on myself as others can do. Last week I went shopping and realised men stop and staring at me. One guy literally stopped and turned as I passed by. No, he didn’t check up my behind, he looked my face. I was wearing the same radiant smile as at work. With these feedbacks, I know I’m okay. But maybe this time it took so long. Maybe this is a sign that I better stop doing this job, I have nothing left to learn from it. I must grow. Life is much more than wake up in the morning, go to work and pay the bills (maybe because of this way of thinking I never had lots of money although all my bills are paid.)

In this sensitive period, I had someone who pointed out my negative side, someone who pushed me down in the final. I believe everything happens for a reason and every person who enters our life has a message for us. This person disappeared from my life without knowing that he gave me an amazing gift. He held a mirror for me that I had to look into and face with my own self-destruction. But his job is done. Message delivered. The rest is up to me what I’m going to do with it. There is still much work, but the first step is to realise which part of your life you need to work on. At least I stopped destroying the things around me. Now I’m more centred and can focus on building up.

Working with agencies

Some people are still wondering how I get the jobs in all those amazing countries. And when I say I work with different agencies, they scratch their heads. Yes, there are agencies for strippers! So here is a little explanation.

If I know the agency, I go to the website and check all the clubs they offer, I pick one or two and email them if there is free space in that particular club or if I can fit in the frame. Usually, they answer relatively quickly. I don’t pay a commission to the agencies, but usually, they get money after me from the club. For example, in some clubs, if I go with an agency, I get let’s say €10 less daily salary than the girls who don’t work with an agency. But at the same time, I save energy to apply to each clubs separately and asking about details of work. As I mentioned in December going to interviews was a nightmare and it was lots of time wasters. With an agency that all, I can avoid. Also, I have to be careful about which agency I can trust. Here are some I worked recently and I’ve got what they offered on the site.

http://www.thebestdancers.com/

http://www.diamonddolls-agency.com/

http://www.mavmodels.com/home

http://show-agency.eu/en/1/1/show_agency.html

It’s not happening always. Like in Pescara the agency told me there is a private dance in the club and it was not, also in Paris the agency offered me fix daily salary and when I was there I figured out there is no fixed salary at all. If I knew it before I wouldn’t have applied because that time I didn’t want to take a risk trying a new club on a commission base only (simply I just couldn’t afford it) and I even told the agency yet they still sent me there. It was not nice at all. It was some misunderstanding between the club and the agency and even in the contract they were talking about two different clubs with two different systems, but still, the agency has to be clear with the contract and the conditions before sending anybody there. But my worst experience was in Luxembourg. The agency told me to call them when I arrive at the airport and they will let me know if I need to take the bus to the city or someone comes to pick me up. I tried to call but nobody picked up the phone or answered my messages. I was there maybe an hour and I decided to get to the city. I had no contact number of anyone from the club, the agency didn’t give me any details except the address. I found the club and I tried to make a phone call again at the front door. Again silence, no answer. I was waiting with luggage half an hour in the rain outside of a strip club – people gave me funny look on the street – when luckily one girl came back from her shopping and asked me if I’m the new girl so she let me into the apartment. But I was very upset with the agency!

They can be also quite funny with age limits. When I applied to Macau, I kept getting NO’s because the club wants younger girls. I tried with a different agency later and they accepted my application. So now if I really want to go to a place (like now I’m keen on trying Norway as I’ve heard lots of good about it) I will try different agencies. Conditions can be varied depending on the contract between the club and the agency. So it’s worth to try.

Now I’m trying to find a place in Germany, so I spend time emailing the agencies and asking for more specific details of the clubs there. Once I have the answer, I can buy my tickets as proof of a serious booking and I can focus on other things. So I’m not resting between two contracts and I also do the photoshoots as I always need new photos to my portfolio and for the applications. A good photo is a half success to get hired.

Also, I have lots of info about clubs and agencies from the girls I worked with, we share our experiences with each other. I often got messages from girls if I would recommend a club to them or not, questions like how was there with work, money, management, other girls etc. when I worked there. It’s always difficult to tell because it so depends on the personality and the work style. Even clubs have ups and downs, maybe I worked there in a not so busy period and the girl went there in a good time. It happened before and later I got the feedback that I was lying to her because I didn’t want her to make good money. Obviously, she didn’t know me well and all I did was telling her my honest experience with that club. (By the way, she didn’t even say thank you.) But since then I’m more careful with girls I don’t know that much both way taking or giving advice. That’s why it’s also good to double check with an agency.

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 3.

“Do you see your work as a type of acting? (like an actress going onto a stage and performing a certain identity, pretending to be a different person)”

“Why do you chose to use a different name to your actual name? Is your stage name may be part of a different part of your identity that you act?”

Most of the burlesque classes start with the lesson of how to build up your persona. In strip clubs, there is no such a class, but it all starts with choosing your dancer name. I used to work using the short form of my real name, but in non-English speaker countries, it doesn’t sound sexy at all. Girls choose a dancer name to hide their real identity. Before you ask yourself, no, it’s not my real name. And I’m not named after Lindsay Lohan. I’m less trouble than she is. 🙂 But it has been told I look like the Victoria’s Secret model Lindsay Ellingson (I used to be blonde that time) and I’m proud of having that name. When one of my managers told me I will be called Lindsay, I immediately felt confident with this name, and since then I use it everywhere I go. It’s easy because not so common. If I choose a name like Maria, I could be asked in every club to change it because there is a Maria already there. When they make our weekly rota or the payments documents, they use only the dancer name. Can you imagine it if is more than one Lindsay there? Or when the DJ call the next girl to the stage in the mike? They don’t even like when there are lots of similar names like Nelly, Kelly, Sally, Terry for the same reason.

But with Lindsay, I always have lots of fun as no one can write it down properly. When I see a Lizi or Lindi on the rota I smile and I know it’s me. In some countries, I can’t use it. In Japanese, it’s difficult to pronounce as they don’t have the letter “L” and they would call me Rindsay. So Mama-san gave me a name and I was Chanel. Not sure if it was better than Rindsay.

“Hello, I’m Chanel.”

“Hi Chanel, I’m Cartier.” or “Hello, I’m Hugo. Hugo Boss.”

I hated it!

But some girls having fun to change their names in every club. My friend Giselle used maybe 4 or 5 names during our work period together. And then I had to be cautious about which name should I call her in the recent club or front of the recent customer. She didn’t make it easy for me.

Talking about the persona or a different personality when I work, I don’t know. For me, there is not such a big difference. But maybe I’m just too honest and I don’t want to wear a mask at work. For me actually is the opposite. During this job, I learned a lot about myself and I became more ME than to develop a persona and play a role. I feel very lucky that I’m not one of the girls who are able to work only under the influence of drugs or alcohol. That changes the personality a lot. Sometimes I wonder about girls that they so quiet in the apartment and at work, they are totally behaving like superstars. Sometimes I make a joke that maybe I need to take the same drug to feel more confident and be more effective at work. but it’s only a matter of time when the effect is gone – together with their self-confidence.

So for me after several years spent in this business, there is a very thin line between my work personality and my real one. I don’t want to act at work and play a persona which is not me just to make more money and please the customer. (Here I’m not talking about being smiley and bubbly and funny. I can be that naturally without acting. And I also know every customer is different so I need to adopt different behaviour to work with them. I just don’t have a role at work to play.) It works like a filter. If they want a girl with certain behaviour, they don’t choose me and I can happily work with the customer who appreciates my personality without wearing a mask. But at the same time, my work has affected my personality and thanks for all those years of experiences and situations, I became a stronger person in my private life.

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 2.

“How would dancers feel about giving their sexual partner, or someone that they are in a long-term relationship with a lap-dance? If they would do a lap-dance for them, would they do a different routine to the one that they do at work, and why?”

“Do you think that dancers wear the same underwear at home with their partners as they would at work? Would they wear stockings, g-strings or heels?”

I can not talk about others. I only can tell you about my private sex life. I never gave a lap dance to my actual partner. Some might think a stripper in her private life has an intense sex drive and the knowledge of all the Kama Sutra positions, but it’s not necessarily true. I know girls working in clubs and they are quite shy in private life with their partner when it comes to sex. Here I’m not talking about dating, usually my – not so serious – dates request to bring all those sexy stuff if they know I’m a dancer – one asked me to bring a pole and do a show for him. Of course, my dearest desire to carry 15kg plus with me on my date! Not to mention if I do a show, I get paid for it. Actually, it’s a good filter if I can to take the guy seriously because he interested in me or he just wants some fun with a sexy lady.

For me, if I’m in a long-term relationship, I don’t like wearing my work uniform during sex (even if I have a sexier one than the Metropolitan Police), unless my partner wants me to wear them. I prefer no stockings, no suspenders, no g-strings. A’la naturale. I don’t want to feel I’m working, I’m not posing or teasing like at work, but I try to create an intimate atmosphere what I don’t always do with customers. Probably it works for guys in the same way as they want to see me with no make-up on, and I heard often how sexy I am in my nighties or wearing nothing just a simple t-shirt. How strange that it works in a different way as it works for an average woman! They want to feel sexy and they’re buying all those sexy lingerie sets with lace, silk, satin and God know what else, while I want to forget about them. For me, the sexy lingerie set is for Birthdays and Bank Holidays only. 🙂

Why would a guy prefer me being naked or wearing a t-shirt (especially if it’s his) over some sexy lace? The sexy lingerie is just a big show off. It reminds him of the working girl on stage. He wants to see the woman behind the scenes. It gives him the feeling that I belong to him and only to him. Anybody can see me wearing a sexy set on stage, but only he can see me in my home clothes without ten layers of makeup. In this way, he feels more special.

You asked about the routine, what I would do differently. Even if I decide to give a lap-dance to my partner, kissing would be a huge part of the dance. I don’t kiss every customer. And once we start kissing, it would lead us into a foreplay which is not what I do at my work. He would have access to the area on my body that is a big no-no for customers. Not necessary the private parts. I hate when a customer that I don’t even know wants to kiss my neck, but I really enjoy when my partner does it and for me, it’s a big turn on for example. And one more thing would be a huge difference with my partner: there is no time limit! No secretly watching the clock on the wall how many minutes left from the dance. Unfortunately, if he behaves badly, there is also no security there! 🙂 At work, I always have to be eager what’s happening around me while with my partner I just want to get lost in the moment. And it’s a huge difference indeed. I know, I’m a stripper. But such a romantic at the same time!

Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight..

Been an awful good girl, Santa baby,
so hurry down the chimney tonight…

As I don’t work during the holiday season this year – I go to Italy only after Christmas – I have not many stories to tell. So I decided to share my best Christmas memories ever.
Giselle and I arrived at Cape Town in October. We planned to come back before Christmas to spend it with our family, but during the work there we changed our minds – and our tickets – and we decided to spend the Christmas together in the sunnier hemisphere. The work in Cape Town was a bit complicated, let’s say very hectic financially. The club charged us almost 300€ per week for the accommodation and the house fee. The income was unsure. Sometimes I made this 300€ a night, and I had no more headache the rest of the week, but there were weeks when I made only this amount plus a little more to pay for my food. So after 2 months staying we had not much money in the pocket, and everyone was talking about the biggest mining conference in early February when the girls make thousands of African Rand, I thought I have nothing to lose if I stay longer. And we haven’t done much of our African adventures as we planned before, without that it would have been a serious pain in my heart to leave Africa.

Think of all the fun I’ve missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed…

So we were ready for our Christmas. In the club, every girl needed to do a special fantasy show once a week. As we were new with some others without the full choreography of our fantasy shows, we were chosen to do the Christmas show every night for one week on the Santa Baby song by Eartha Kitt. There were 10 girls, they split us into 2 groups, A and B, one night the group A made the show, second night the group B. The choreography was simple, but we had so much fun to learn it! There was one Colombian girl in our group, she didn’t speak English well, all she could say was “Me? No!” Whatever introduction she got from the choreographer, that was her answer too. Sometimes with Giselle, we were just secretly looked at each other and winked. Tried not to burn out in loud laughter. The other was a black girl who constantly gave us reason to smile. She was simply dumb (nothing to do with her skin colour, but she was totally blank in her head) She spoke English but against that, when everybody had to turn left, she turned right, when we needed to sit down, she stood up. We were sure about the success of the show!

Santa cutie, and fill my stockings with a duplex,
and checks. Sign your “X” on the line…

Luckily the club was closed for Christmas. On Boxing Day we packed our swimming suits and beach towels and we went to Camps Bay where we decided to spend the whole day. As Camps Bay has such a white sandy beach, we made a joke that we managed to have a white Christmas, but not in an ordinary way. I must say that was one of my most relaxed holiday seasons for me! No crazy Christmas shopping, no crowded shopping centres, no traffic jam. I bought a tiny little tree and some African handmade decoration so we even had our own decorated Christmas tree with us. A perfect sunny day on the beach in December.

Santa baby, I wanna yacht, and really that’s not a lot…

Later we had dinner in a local restaurant. The food was nice but the dessert we ordered was horrible! Again one more reason to laugh. It looked strange and tasted even stranger, but nothing could turn that day into a bad one, so we were just laughing that a simple vanilla-chocolate ice cream combo would have been a much better choice. Never mind! We were in South Africa, on the beach, watching the sunset at Christmas, a few days without work and a bottle of wine.. what else we could wish more?

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring…

I’m wishing you a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!