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How men approach a stripper

My job is to approach clients, I keep it in mind. But different men, different rules. Some don’t even bother to be nice, when he sees I’m going to his table, just lifts up his hand in the air showing I’m not welcome there. Others are talking to me for long minutes without buying me a drink and then they are surprised why I stop answering them or apologise that I must go to work.

So let’s see here what are the most behaviour of men in approaching a dancer:

The shy guy – He never approaches the girl. He is sitting alone or with a friend holding his drink. If the girl smiles at him, he’s embarrassed. Usually, he waits until the girl goes over to his table. (I would say this is the most common type of customers.)

The self-confident type – He comes to the girl with a wide smile and speaks very loud. I’m his “babe” from the very first minute. He needs all the attention of all the girls. And he can be pretty upset if he doesn’t get it.

The drunk guy – When he comes to you, you can’t decide he comes to you or the girl next to you. He’s walking in zigzag. And when he starts to speak, you can’t focus on his words but a very bad smell from his mouth from the alcohol he previously drunk. If the girl can manage to take him into the private, maybe he falls asleep.

I’ve seen a private closed with curtains because a drunk guy was sleeping on the floor in an unbelievable pose. His only luck was that he spent enough money so the manager decided to let him sleep there.

These guys usually will come back the next day because they lost something.

The bachelor – He is not my favourite. He comes to the club in a ridiculous outfit in some country. South Africa is the winner, there I saw guys dressed up as a woman, Superman, a bride, the Pink Panther and the most popular was a baby outfit holding a dummy or some alcohol in a baby bottle. He usually arrives fucked up drunk with his friend. And usually, his friends have more fun than himself. In a lucky day, they ask for a special show on stage that usually ends with the poor guy being beaten up with his own belt. But lots of time they are annoying not to know what exactly they want.

The complete liar – He comes to you with a complete lie. I had a guy who said he is in the military but probably I have more muscles than him. And when his friend came over I asked him if he is also military and he said yes, I was just laughing. Unbelievable some guys what kind of lies are able to say just to impress a woman!

The desperate guy – Desperately needs sex. If he has money, he will offer a bigger amount to go for a “dinner” with him. If he is a cheaper type, he offers a smaller amount. Or if he’s really a cheap one, he tells you he will pay you a dance only if he can touch you or you give him a handjob.

And our dream guy – He’s polite and clean. Smiles at you and invite you for a drink. He knows what kind of place he entered and respects the rules. He doesn’t need to spend a lot, but he knows we are there to work and he doesn’t waste our time. If he doesn’t like the girl, he is able to tell that politely(!) not like “I want a girl with bigger boobs”

Luckily you can find these type in clubs too!

Stripper with soul

Nobody warned me before that blogs are like tattoos.. if you have one, you always think about the second one. Or at least that is true in my case. (Am I graphoman?)

Right now spending some time home, I found my old poems and I decided to open another blog in Hungarian.

Although London gives me power and self-confidence, Hungary gives richness to my soul. And there is one layer of my heart that in English you will never be able to understand.

The translation is rough and it doesn’t do its justice. I think to translate a poem is the most difficult part of learning a language and I’m still not there yet. But here are some of my poems from a few years back:

I dreamt that you were

close to me, really close.

And when I wake up – maybe –

you are here next to me.

xxx

I’m an angel. I hug you with

my snow-white wings when you are cold.

You made them for me from fluffy clouds

so when you call me I’m ready to fly to you.

xxx

If I could transform into words

what I feel for you,

I’m afraid these feelings

would leave me forever.

xxx

I see you as an angel who broke his wings

and the memory of the pain

stops him from believing

that once he was able to fly.

Almost Miss Hungary

Linked to my previous post, in 2001 I went to a beauty pageant where I won the 2nd prize.

When I started modelling, I often travelled to Budapest for a test or portfolio shooting. Once I was waiting for the metro at Deak ter, when a short chubby guy stepped to me.

“Hey, you should apply to Miss Hungary! I’m the one who organises it!”

“Yeah, yeah..” and I turned my head to the opposite direction “Of course!”

The guy was quite arrogant and I was sure he was just trying to sell his BS to me in the hope of getting my number. I forgot about him quickly. The same year I watched Miss Hungary on the TV not having any other watchable program. I almost dropped the remote control when I saw that short guy on the screen! I started to laugh. Oh well, I missed my big chance having my 15 minutes of fame. My excuse, I’m not from the capital and I didn’t really follow the beauty pageants. Maybe I was naive but I had no idea who was that guy. But his approach was arrogant and I rejected him out of hand.

But then in 2001 I had my guts and applied to the one in my region, it is a big annual event there. I was selected for the final. The preparation was fun with trying different clothes, hairdressers, make-up artist, photographers. My favourite was to choose the wedding dress for one of the choreography. Every girl wanted to choose the big princess dress, but I trusted the lady’s taste who chose me a simple but very elegant dress which fits perfectly with my figure. (This dress is still waiting for me because they offered it for my big day.) I didn’t think about to win but I wanted to be a part of it. Among us, we knew who’s going to win anyway by the way how they treated the 3 girls differently. We had an open full-dress rehearsal where the judges were already there. I have this thing whenever I perform on stage, I like to have eye contact with customers otherwise I don’t even smile. I don’t see the point of making the effort to smile. What if nobody watches? So back then I did the process of learning the choreographies without a single smile. But at the rehearsal when there was an audience there, I shined on the stage! I got my million-carat smile, rehashed and showed it up.

Next day I felt the difference when I was sitting in the chair in the hair salon and 3 hairdressers tried to bring the best out of my hair. And in the evening – thanks for my smile – I stood up from nowhere to the 2nd place. And it was such a good feeling. It was not something I won because I slept with one of the judges or my mum was a friend of the organiser. I got it because of myself. And my family and close friends were so proud of me!

When I grew up..

I told you before I always wanted to travel even as a kid. And I also wanted to be on stage as a model or dancer. I remember I was maybe 12 years old when I made some clothes and we were playing a catwalk show with my sister and the girls from my neighbourhood. (The short period when I wanted to be an astronomer and I knew the name of the nebulas, doesn’t count here.) Then designing clothes became a part of the play. First I made them by hand, but later I learned how to use the sewing machine. Later I made my own clothes (and more importantly my mum let me wear them to school!) I even made a few for my friends too. Today I enjoy the great benefits of it when I design my costumes, although I never had a plan back in those days that one day I’ll perform as a stripper.

Also, I was about 12 when I started to write poems. I even won a prize once. Literally, the first money I ever made was from my writing skills. And from the money I won, my mum bought me a gold necklace with a small cross. “That will always remind you of the first money you earned!”

See where I am now? I travelled, I’m on stage, I do modelling and I’m about writing a book. Who told you, you can not reach your dreams???

The poem I wrote and it was read the front of the entire school was about my dreams, what I’d like to see in this world. The first part was about the sea. You think it’s not a big deal, but it is indeed for 12 years old who was living in a country with no beachside and the country just came out of the communist era. The second part was about Africa and a real safari with no cages. Done. 7 months lived in Cape Town was one of my biggest adventures so far. The third part was about landscapes, mountains, waterfalls. And I was lucky enough to see the Mt. Fuji and the Niagara. It sounds crazy that you write down at the age of 12 what you’d like to reach and 20 years later you look back and you say “Damn, I’ve done all!” It’s like making a wish list to the Universe “Hello, these are my dreams. Please, help me to reach them!”

My mum was always supportive and I love her dearly. Then I was a rebel at the age of 15 and I had a wild period (who doesn’t at that age?) I remember when I wanted to go to a party wearing fishnet tights and a leather miniskirt, my mum literally stood in the door hands on the side “you’re not going anywhere dressed like this!” Of course I didn’t measure the danger what could happen if I stood in the bus stop dressed like a hooker (we were living in a small village and the bus stop was on the main road where the truck traffic was quite high) God knows what could happen, but I was so focused on going to that party and I was so upset at her stopping me! Good old days. Now 20 years later we always have a good laugh about this story. But besides going to that party, I got everything I ever dreamed of as a kid.

Just some thoughts..

I’m really on a deep level of understanding myself more and I made some amazing discovery. I realised what is my true problem in this industry. I’m way TOO FEMININE for this work! You think it’s great, a stripper must be feminine. A feminine woman is more pleasure for the eyes. But it’s not exactly the truth.

The woman seduces.
But this work is not about seduction any more. It’s manipulation. How can we get more money out of the guy, how can we keep him all night in the club to spend more, how can we get some cash from him. Seduction? Ehh.. pure manipulation.
Now you think there is not a big difference between the two. Indeed it’s huge! When a woman seduces, she places the man in the centre of her attention. When she manipulates him, the focus on the thing what she can get from him. In our case, that’s his wallet. The man who belongs to this wallet?? Kidding, right?

I’m fully aware that this is my work and I chose it. I make my money from this to pay my bills. But I can sense how it has been changed in the past years. A few years back we also took care of the person, not only his money. Now it’s all changing. There are two kinds of game in the clubs. One between a manipulator and another manipulator. Both know that it’s not true. The girl tries to get as much money as she can, and the guy plays hard to give. That’s more like a business presentation about why you should buy a certain product. And trust me, there are girls who could teach some new view on marketing to the most difficult business sharks! Or the other game between the manipulator and her/his victim. Yes, it can be both ways. When the girl is faking real interest and the guy buys it. He truly believes that the girl wants to see the 67th picture of his dog on his phone. “Show me more photos but can I have one more drink?” In the other way around when the guy is paying to make the girl drunk in the hope he can get more from her in private if she loses control over herself. “I buy you champagne but you must have also a shot with me.” But what if I don’t want to manipulate or be manipulated.

Also, the competition between the girls is not a feminine feature. Competition is always masculine, aggressive, active. The feminine energy is passive. (I’m not talking about the way of behaviour.) Most of my customers like me because I’m more of a woman. Not only on the surface. Because I’m different than the others. I’m more feminine (again, I’m not talking about the looks) But these customers come to the clubs less and less – or they died out. They also don’t want to participate in this game

The feminine energy doesn’t compete. It’s not waiting for the man on top of the stairs to enter the club and jump on him faster than a rocket or doesn’t want to push away the others just to be the first. The feminine energy is supportive, soft and helpful. But this is getting to be rare in this work. One night after we finished the shift, I asked a girl who was quiet all night

“Are you okay?

“Why do you ask?” asked back with so much aggression in her voice. She had no problem with me as we didn’t talk all night. From me, it was just an innocent and genuine question. But for her, it was something offensive. Because she doesn’t get used to that someone honestly cares. I do. If someone crying in the changing room or looks sad, I’m the first in the line to ask what’s wrong. Honestly. I made good friendships because the girl could feel that I’m not faking it. Not just telling her a few conned “feminine” words

And that’s why I can’t stay in this business for so long – besides any other reasons. That’s why I feel less and less successful because I don’t want to be part of this manipulative world any more. You would say the whole world is like that. But in strip clubs, this manipulation is very intense. I have 2 choices left: wait until the night finally pushes away back to the sunlight or I decide to leave it behind by myself.