love Archives - Page 2 of 2 - HeartBrokenStilettos

The Little House of Fetish

I can not call myself a prude woman. I had a boyfriend before that he loved me wearing stockings in bed. I didn’t find it difficult if that makes him happy, why not. As I’m doing fetish modelling these kinds of desires are not unknown to me. I don’t know why but I noticed lately that guys with secret fantasies sooner or later open up for me and telling me or their dirty secrets. And I love those private dances when my customer only wants to give me a foot massage or lick the heels of my shoes! But experience something extreme in private life, it’s a different story.

First I was dating a guy and he liked the glossy, shiny hold-ups on me. For every date we had he arrived with a pair of black stockings. He knows I love the vintage style Agent Provocateur ones (I already have a whole collection of them) So we were dating for a while but one night after having sex he turned to me saying: “Honey, I love your legs in these stockings. But what if next time I’m gonna wear them?”

End of story. I didn’t know if I should have been embarrassed or laugh out loudly. I had no words to him just went to the bathroom because I couldn’t hide my surprised face. Obviously, that was our last date. Can you imagine a big, masculine guy asking you for wearing your tights? I know in this century we shouldn’t be surprised at all, but the personal experience is more intense and you really don’t want something like that from a guy who anyway could be a long-term partner or the father of your child.

In the second situation I was more brave and curious (and let’s say tipsier). I had a customer that I had a good time with, we were laughing a lot and opened the bottle of champagne one after another. Suddenly he just gave me his whisky glass.

“I want you to pee in it!”

Probably the alcohol I drunk previously made the effect on me that I was not surprised.

“OK, I do but only if you drink it!”

It’s definitely not something I do often. But that was one of the situations in my life when I chose to go beyond my limits. And he was only a customer I’ve seen first time (and last time), I mean there were no emotions attached. So I did it for him. He drunk it with no facial expression just like he’d drink his whisky. He only asked for some ice to put in. OK, this is also something we know it exists, no surprise here. But such a big difference in person than just to hear about it.

The third one was the weirdest I can say although I don’t know if I should mention it on the same page with the fetish. All my readers can decide about it.. (I’d love to know what Freud would comment!) I met this guy. He was one of the kindest types that I don’t meet quite often and somehow I felt good with him from the beginning. But he had this tiny little thing: a small dog. I had boyfriends with dogs before and after him but it was something I’ve never seen. First, when she (you read it well, SHE!) started to humping on his arm, I did not pay attention to it. Nature has its funny ways to express itself. But later on, I realised that is kinda part of the daily routine: feeding the dog, playing with the dog, make the dog cum… Yuck! When I asked how he knows that she has an orgasm, he said: “Her pussy is moving just like yours.” (I felt sort of offended that my pussy has been compared to a dog’s.)

Later I tried to tell him that I don’t think this is a healthy way of living with a dog, but his answer was “it’s normal, you can check it on Youtube, there are lots of videos” Yes, but the normal reaction from guys is laughing on it, make a video because it’s strange or simply just tell the dog to “go away”. Not to mention not everything is normal what you can watch on Youtube. I also googled it, but I had to stop educating myself on this subject when the 2nd or 3rd article was a step by step guide “how to train your dog to fuck you”.

My mistake that I didn’t say anything to him about how disgusting it was. I just couldn’t find the right words. It made me confused and I even questioned my own sexuality when after having sex with me he still wanted to please his dog. (As I noticed that he was the one who generated the whole game. I don’t want to talk here about Pavlov, his dogs, the reflexes and that bell..) Because the dog taught him to love. Excellent, so what I’m doing here? So next time when I’m single, feeling lonely and unloved, should I buy a horse??? I’m done. No more words. The rest is out of the question.

But again, I learned something about myself. Since then I know I’m not able to love someone unconditionally, just the way he is. In theory, it sounds beautiful, but good or not, I have my own conditions. And I think every healthy-minded women would think in the same way.

(Overall I try not being judgemental here. It’s not about put those guys on a blacklist. End of the day it is their life, their choice, their habits. But they helped me a lot to realise my own limitations and acceptance.)

Sweet like sugar but not a Sugababe

It’s just another thing I have to tell. Lots of people think we, strippers are super rich! I heard so many times that “you should buy me a drink because you earn more than me!” Dear Gentlemen, I don’t. Those days when the staff of the club swiped the money off from the stage after the dancer’s performance, are over. The world has been gone through some financial crisis, don’t forget. And customers are not that generous anymore. In some clubs, I don’t earn more with dancing than an average waitress in a pub. (Here I don’t want to go deeper again that I’m doing it for the travel experiences not exactly for the money.) But all those girls they make extraordinary money, well, let’s be honest, they do extra. With “clean” work, you can be lucky only sometimes, or keep a good regular customer with intelligent conversations or charm, but that’s it.

And if you ever wonder what a stripper does with the money? I can’t talk about others, but because I work for tips sometimes, I decided to give out a part of it. I became the sponsor of a 5 years old girl in Myanmar. The money comes easy and goes easy. But if it goes, I like when it goes for a good reason. Of course, I buy shoes and other stuff too, I’m a woman and I need lots of them for work and for the modelling, but I know life is not only about these. And I believe in Karma that what you give, you will get back. It’s still such a cliche that all the strippers spend their money on drugs or they give it to their boyfriends. I worked with lots of girls that spent the money they earned on their education!

I can’t say I make a fortune with this job. But what I make is mine, I don’t depend on anybody. Of course, I was playing with the thought to find a rich guy and all my money issues would be solved, but I had to realise that I’m not that kind of woman who goes in this kind of relationship easily. I got this offer before. The guy offered me a nice apartment close to his, paying all my bills and £500 cash weekly for being his “girlfriend”. Nice, hm? The golden cage. By the way, I forgot to mention: he was fat, ugly, not so old but he became extremely arrogant when I rejected his offer. Not the type I would do anything with, and nobody can buy me, my love or respect in this way. I would rather earn less but feel free. But I also find it difficult with the guy I like. Or even more difficult. I can not just move into someone’s place with 2 suitcases and say “Here I am!” when I didn’t put a nail into the wall there. I can not feel good there. It feels like I’m only a guest, in long-term I would never be able to feel the place like my home. I would feel he’s the King of his Castle, and there is his territory, his rules, and I’m out of my comfort zone. Probably I’m too independent and just the idea to depend on someone could freeze me totally. I start to believe that I have too much (and unnecessary) pride tough.

I don’t judge the girl who is in a beneficial relationship. Maybe I will try once. But I blame the industry I live and work in. Sometimes these girls are very young and they want to live a certain kind of life without being able to afford it. Some are struggling to pay the rent but they’re saving money for a new Louis Vuitton bag. In a better case, they find someone who would be happy to buy it for them. Therefore they count on these men taking them on expensive holidays and fancy places and the idea of living like a princess becomes reality but only for short period. But what after? For these men there will be always a younger, prettier girl, they can not rely on them for a lifetime. Not anymore. It worked in the last centuries but these days when everything and everybody is replaceable so easily, I don’t trust in these relationships.

Oh well, this is the World we live in nowadays. And this is only my opinion. You can throw a stone at me but I still don’t go into a relationship based only on money. Call me old-fashioned, but – even I worked 6 years in the night – I can say I still believe in LOVE!

Why I’m single and the reason behind

I’ve heard so many times from guys: “I don’t believe that you are single.” You believe it or not, I am. I usually tell customers that it’s not easy to find the right one when I’m always on the go. (Sometimes I’m actually very tempted to say yes, of course, I have one in every capital!) But I really mean it. 2 weeks here, 3 months there, it’s not enough time to build up a committed relationship. And if I find someone nice that we have the vibe, from the beginning it’s determined as we both know I don’t stay long. I haven’t found the person or place that’s worth enough to make me stop and stay.

That is a lie itself. I’ve found that special person or at least I thought so. We met just a few weeks before my contract finished. We had some special time together than he took me to the airport and I left him with a promise to keep in touch. I left him not even another country but another continent.

And the magic came through emails. I have no idea how it happened or when I fell for him, but truly he became my strongest relationship with someone. He became my greatest support, best friend and someone I could talk freely about anything. And he was 3500 miles away! Since then I believe in long distance relationships.

He appreciated and accepted me in the way I am (vice versa) more than any person physically close to me for more than 2 years. And guess what? End of the day I wasn’t good enough for him. Basically, he chose the most coward way and he just disappeared. I know that time he had problems but he chose “being selfish and isolated”. I gave him the maximum of time to deal with his own problems as I know men need that and I was not nagging with stupid questions. But months later there was still no contact and explanation. Of course “sorry for being distant” messages yes, but not a real reason why he chose to end it up in that way. Why he pushed me away. I’ve been just left alone with my guess. And this is the most soul-killing solution that a guy can do for a woman. Even the painful truth is better. Maybe I cry for a day or two, but then I know the show must go on.

That time I was working in Macau, China, and he has no idea but he really gave me a hard time. Not because he stopped communicating, but because I had no idea what’s going on. I even started to blame myself. I couldn’t concentrate my own work, I was not even able to smile sometimes. In a 2 months period, I was just a shadow of myself. Now it’s over, the strong woman is back, who able to fight with anything with the greatest smile. Thanks to my dear friends for the support and lifting up my spirit and I apologise to those who had no chance to get to know the real me because I was in my own little world liking my wounds. So after that long time: Life Is Beautiful and Good Morning Sunshine!

And as someone asked me about, I have to make a statement that’s nothing wrong with my sexual life! Well, I have blood in my veins (OK, sometimes it’s mixed with lots of champagne but it’s still mainly blood) I don’t have a relationship but it doesn’t mean I’m not dating. Even when I had this long distance relationship or special friendship (or whatever label you want to use) I was seeing guys. That was a kinda silent arrangement between us, he never asked me about that and I didn’t either. We are only humans and our body has needs. And we are adults enough to understand that. But back to dating, I don’t date with anybody. The guy I want to date with needs to catch my attention. Not with a good look or money. But he needs to have that special something. He needs to know how to treat a woman. Some date, of course, can fail and I say I don’t even want to see that guy again. But when it comes to sex, I like to take the time to get in the mood with a dinner and a bottle of good wine. Maybe two.

I guess this is when people say it’s not a matter of quantity but quality. And I definitely go for quality things in my Life. And until I find my Mr Right, I will enjoy dating.

To meet Mr Player

He has a name but I would prefer to call him Mr Player. This given name perfectly describes his real nature. I met him at the club. The first sight I noticed his cute face but I knew from previous experience that I don’t need to get close to this type of guy. This type I just call eye-candy. They are good to look at but you know what to do with a lollipop when you can’t have it all: just throw it in the rubbish bin.

But my eye-candy guy decided to talk to me. His words were sweet just like his face.

“Oh girl, it’s not going to end up well!” said to myself. And usually, I’m good with these feelings…

So he came to me saying that I’m afraid of him. Oh yes, very much!!! Next time he was holding my hand and he said some things like he is working hard and he has a few companies and he is a nice guy but I didn’t pay much attention what he was saying. I listened to my own body and it said: “you want to have sex with that guy”.

Then he started his game.

“If you want to go sailing, I can arrange something. Just call me. Here they know me, you can ask my number from the manager or other girls.”

WTF? I should investigate if I want his number? He can not be serious! But he was. I told him I won’t do it, but if he gives me his number I will call him. He suddenly disappeared. That moment I realised he is my Mr Player guy. If a girl wants his number, she should work on it a bit harder. All my built-in censors sent me a sign “Be careful” with him. But at the same time as he held my hand was something exciting. I’m more proud and discrete then ask his number of any of my colleges but I started to look up him on Facebook. It wasn’t so easy, but I found him. I have some very useful detective skills and I usually get what I want so these two mixed together means I will find what I’m searching for. I sent him a message. He replied late saying he doesn’t check his Facebook so often. Let’s say I believed him. A couple of innocent, flirting messages.

Later he came back to the club. He sent me a text saying “See you tonight BABE!” so I expected him that night. He arrived and even without looking at me he sat at one of the tables in the opposite corner. Hm, that’s going to be interesting. Quickly understood the situation that he’s waiting for me to make the first move. Usually, I would just say f*** off immediately. But now I was hesitating a bit but my feelings won over my pride and I went to his table. After a short talk, he asked me what I want from him. I pretended not to understand. “I’m still waiting,” said with a satisfied smile. Mr Player played very well. I didn’t know how I can get out of the situation as a winner. Finally shyly told him “I want to make love with you” He smiled. I knew what he is playing and I was welcome in the game. He needed to hear it to make the next step. But at the same time, I quickly understood that his self-satisfied smile hides an unsecured character who needs all this positive reinforcement.

He took me to a private dance. He put his hands on both sides, just like with a Go on girl, do your job! attitude. I tried to seduce him. I think I did well as he couldn’t longer resist touching my body. So I passed the test. I was sure that we can have great sex, the matter is only the time. He left me with a promise that we are going to spend the next Monday together. It seemed easy. I want sex, he wants sex, I like him, he likes me. But I almost got a heart attack when he asked me to take the other girls with me! Not because I’m against to chill with his friends or have a house party but I should ask the girls to come with me? I told him if he wants them to come he should invite them himself. (I’m still not a big friend with the French girls here.) The second thing I understood about him that he is manipulating people. I bet he is a single child who got everything from his parents or he has an older brother or sister who was a pioneer before him and fights all the battles with the parents what a kid needs to, and he’s had the beaten track front of him. These people never really learn how to fight for something and they become a bit lazy in interactions with others.

So I was in the middle of the game. And I didn’t mind to be there. As you know the rules and you have the choice to be there, you can not be hurt. I know that. I had a very good teacher previously how to play hard. End of a 1 year “special friendship” we both were hurt badly. I remember our last night with that guy when his bodyguard stepped between us because I was ready to be violent! And God knows what’s happening if I hit first! But this is another story. This guy is softer and maybe a bit too young. Or I’m more experienced with the game now.

Monday. That was funny enough that the girl who previously had an affair with him organised the other girls to come with me with the reason me to get laid down by him. OK, sharing is caring, but if someone tells me that story probably I won’t believe. It feels like I’m taking a whole supporting team with me for a one night stand. They just need to decide who’s going to be the cheerleader. The girls had drinks and shisha, so they were okay. I don’t want to share the dirty details here but he would get 10 out of 10 for his technical performance. But emotionally he couldn’t satisfied me and for a woman is also important or even more important. I didn’t expect a big thing but I like the feeling when I’m able to fall in love with someone for that 30 minutes although I know I won’t see him again. Oh well, he has more to learn about a woman.

After he said he’s going home because he has lots of work on the following day. BUT I can stay with his friend! That point I was laughing inside. He is offering his friends company when I came only because of him? Actually, I had so much fun to analyse the night. It’s like I was there but a part of me was watching the whole situation from the outside. During sex, I wanted to kill that part but if a guy can not do the magic trick to switch off my brain..well, no needs to explain. I don’t blame him, I think Mr Player kinda did his best but the circumstances were awkward to me. But it seemed it works for him. In his car, on the way back home I tried to read him. And I put the picture together. I’m pretty sure he is a nice guy inside but very hard to open up. As he said he is a loner. And I believe so. I think he has a kind of suspicious nature and people have to prove their trustworthiness before he let them close. Once they are there, he would do everything for them, he can be extremely loyal and supportive I guess. But if you can not manage to get into that inner circle, you stay on his playlist. And people are happy to be there. I noticed one thing around him, that every time he came to the club he was followed by a big branch of people. He is like a kinda leader for them who knows where is the best place to go and worth to be followed, and they are there to feeding his Ego. They live happily ever after in a perfect symbiosis.

I saw the mask he was wearing. But there were a few moments when I think I could see behind. I saw that inside he is sensitive, insecure, he is not a shallow person but a deep thinker and he has great values. And I saw that he is definitely would deserve the time to get to know him better. Time, what I don’t have as I’m staying only for a couple of days longer. So I took my place on his playlist. I even asked him not to come to the club after.

He took me home and he said he’s going to sleep. I had a feeling that he goes back to his friends place so I just said good night to him. I got what I wanted, what he is doing after is not my business. I let him think I believe. Later the French girls told me without even asking them that he went back and even wanted to fuck the other girls. I wasn’t surprised at all. I’m not pretty sure that I have to believe also that he offered money for them, because he’s a good looking guy who doesn’t really need to do such a thing, but if it makes him happy. I knew he was going back anyway. And I trust more my instincts than any man on Earth! As I knew he is a fucker (sorry for my English). But basically, I don’t care if he fucked half of the island previously, with that cute face, if I were him I would do the same.

He came back to the club on Wednesday. He said he doesn’t like rules and he doesn’t do what others ask him to do. Typical! I was not so happy to see him. He paid me a drink but while we were talking he was looking for stuff on eBay. Such big respect! At that very moment, I was tempted to dip his mobile into his glass! But I only smiled. I asked him how was the party after I left, letting him know that I know about everything. He answered but I only heard “I blah blah blah….” For me, the game was over.

He said he is hard to read. But I told him I’m good at it. He says exactly what the other wants to hear. If I want a bad guy, he is. If I want a good guy, he is maybe able to put the glasses on and play a geek. But why is so difficult for some guys just to be fair and upfront? Mr Player guy barely has a chance to find one more girl in this club like me. And I hope he is fully aware of that. Not because I’m special but because I play fair. I’m intelligent enough to see the higher correlations. And we have more common as he could think. We both have the inner strength and we don’t wear our heart on the sleeve but I’ve learned how to put my cards on the table without fear and not losing myself in the game.

Be My Valentine

For Haters:

I heard so many times from guys that they hate Valentine’s Day. It makes me sad because girls from any age, we love it (even the single ladies are secretly hoping that someone will think of them that day)! And if you are not such a romantic guy, we don’t expect a marriage proposal, diamond jewellery, a big bouquet of flowers or we don’t need you to cook a dinner for us. These things are great, but a single rose can show us your appreciation. Or chocolate. Chocolate always works. Sometimes small, simple things can make a big effect.

So don’t be lazy and don’t try to find an excuse why you should hate this day! Your woman needs some attention, so give it to her! And if you please her she will be happy, the end of the day she will please you and you will be happy! Isn’t it worth it?

Advanced Level:

If you are thinking something bigger, here are some advice:

Small presents. Sexy lingerie (and the outcome is guaranteed) You in the kitchen. You in the kitchen cooking (doesn’t matter if you just heat up the Chinese food you bought previously) You in the kitchen naked, cooking our favourite meal, perfect! Watching a chick flick movie with us after, priceless!

For Experts:

If you are sure about your decision, the wedding proposal on that day is something she won’t forget. Even if she doesn’t want to marry you. Jewellery. Your bedroom filled with flowers and balloons or candles (balloons and candles together are not a lucky choice) Be creative! More effort you put in, more you will gain. And you will never ever hate Valentine’s Day again!