life Archives - Page 3 of 6 - HeartBrokenStilettos

Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight..

Been an awful good girl, Santa baby,
so hurry down the chimney tonight…

As I don’t work during the holiday season this year – I go to Italy only after Christmas – I have not many stories to tell. So I decided to share my best Christmas memories ever.
Giselle and I arrived at Cape Town in October. We planned to come back before Christmas to spend it with our family, but during the work there we changed our minds – and our tickets – and we decided to spend the Christmas together in the sunnier hemisphere. The work in Cape Town was a bit complicated, let’s say very hectic financially. The club charged us almost 300€ per week for the accommodation and the house fee. The income was unsure. Sometimes I made this 300€ a night, and I had no more headache the rest of the week, but there were weeks when I made only this amount plus a little more to pay for my food. So after 2 months staying we had not much money in the pocket, and everyone was talking about the biggest mining conference in early February when the girls make thousands of African Rand, I thought I have nothing to lose if I stay longer. And we haven’t done much of our African adventures as we planned before, without that it would have been a serious pain in my heart to leave Africa.

Think of all the fun I’ve missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed…

So we were ready for our Christmas. In the club, every girl needed to do a special fantasy show once a week. As we were new with some others without the full choreography of our fantasy shows, we were chosen to do the Christmas show every night for one week on the Santa Baby song by Eartha Kitt. There were 10 girls, they split us into 2 groups, A and B, one night the group A made the show, second night the group B. The choreography was simple, but we had so much fun to learn it! There was one Colombian girl in our group, she didn’t speak English well, all she could say was “Me? No!” Whatever introduction she got from the choreographer, that was her answer too. Sometimes with Giselle, we were just secretly looked at each other and winked. Tried not to burn out in loud laughter. The other was a black girl who constantly gave us reason to smile. She was simply dumb (nothing to do with her skin colour, but she was totally blank in her head) She spoke English but against that, when everybody had to turn left, she turned right, when we needed to sit down, she stood up. We were sure about the success of the show!

Santa cutie, and fill my stockings with a duplex,
and checks. Sign your “X” on the line…

Luckily the club was closed for Christmas. On Boxing Day we packed our swimming suits and beach towels and we went to Camps Bay where we decided to spend the whole day. As Camps Bay has such a white sandy beach, we made a joke that we managed to have a white Christmas, but not in an ordinary way. I must say that was one of my most relaxed holiday seasons for me! No crazy Christmas shopping, no crowded shopping centres, no traffic jam. I bought a tiny little tree and some African handmade decoration so we even had our own decorated Christmas tree with us. A perfect sunny day on the beach in December.

Santa baby, I wanna yacht, and really that’s not a lot…

Later we had dinner in a local restaurant. The food was nice but the dessert we ordered was horrible! Again one more reason to laugh. It looked strange and tasted even stranger, but nothing could turn that day into a bad one, so we were just laughing that a simple vanilla-chocolate ice cream combo would have been a much better choice. Never mind! We were in South Africa, on the beach, watching the sunset at Christmas, a few days without work and a bottle of wine.. what else we could wish more?

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring…

I’m wishing you a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Happy 1st Anniversary!

Yapp, that was exactly a year ago when I published my first post here…

I still remember that was my last day in Iceland and I was so disappointed that the club couldn’t have been open. I was waiting and waiting but they didn’t get the licence back so I decided to leave. I’ve had a chance to see a bit of Iceland’s natural beauty so I didn’t see the point stay any longer. Basically, I was just wasting my time while I could arrange another contract somewhere else. The period before Christmas can be good when the companies pay the bonuses and after Christmas party, some guys go to a strip club for the afterparty, I definitely wanted to work not like this year when I’m a bit lazier. Very soon I booked myself in Luxembourg and I worked there during the holiday season. But before I left for Luxembourg, I started to write this blog.

So that night in Iceland. I was alone in a hotel room. I had a morning flight, the guy who took me to the airport picked me up early. I don’t know because of the next day travel or because of all the problems that were circulating in my head, I had a very restless sleep. I was just twisting, turning in the bed, switch on the lights, tried to read, but when my eyes got tired to switch it off but couldn’t fall asleep. Finally, I had a short but very deep sleep. I got up before my alarm clock on the phone started to beeping. And the first thing it came to my mind that I NEED TO WRITE A BOOK! It came suddenly out of nowhere. I don’t even remember if I was dreaming something about it. Then I went to the bathroom and the first word I saw it was PHOENIX (that was the brand name of the hairdryer) But this symbol has a very strong meaning in my Life. That’s why I have a small phoenix tattoo on my lower back. Actually, when I went to the tattoo salon, I had no idea what I wanted but I was sure I get a tattoo. That I don’t leave the salon without being inked. I was checking the book of drawings when this symbol found me. When I saw it, I told the guy immediately I want this one and that’s it. That was also a difficult time in my Life. But since then the symbol of the phoenix always reminds me of rebirth, that whatever goes bad in my Life, I have the power to start again from zero as I did so many times. I don’t know if you believe in these signs or not. I do. So after a few days of Internet research about how to write a blog, I had everything ready. I thought it’s a good field to test my writing skills before I would jump into the deep sea of publishing. I didn’t even think about the name, it just came to my mind without effort just like the whole idea of writing. As I explained it’s HEARTBROKEN because underneath the shiny, glittery surface I’m just a weak woman who needs to be cherished and BROKENSTILETTOS because God knows during this work how many pairs of shoes I destroyed. Against the critics that put the focus on being heartbroken, I like it and I have no intention to change it.

And a few days later I was ready with the first post. That’s how everything started here on my own little telling-all-my-secrets blog. And today, after a year I have many visitors and people from all around the world who support me with kind words. I was not expecting that. But messages like these caress and uplift my soul:

“It’s honest, mature and above all else, ‘REAL’. Very refreshing”

“Had a quick look at your blog…really well written and a very interesting window into an unfamiliar world. It’s really compelling. It’s easy to make assumptions based on peoples professions and it’s great fun to surprise people.”

“I travel a lot and have been known to find myself in strip clubs from time to time but reading about it from the other side is enlightening! I hope I have never behaved like some that you mention!”

“The more I read the more intrigued I am!”

“I particularly was drawn by your honesty and intelligence and that you come across as so totally genuine.”

I never ever met these guys in person. They never see me dance or they were never flirting with me in a club. But they like what I represent here: a genuine, honest, free-spirited woman. Might my plans for the book will fail – I will do everything not to – but for the appreciation, I get throughout the blog, it’s already worth to write. Thank you ALL!

I am a hungry Hungarian

“Where are you from?”

“Hungary.”

“Are you hungry, hahaha?”

“No. But I’m quite thirsty. Are you going to buy me a drink?”

I heard this joke a lot so I developed my cheeky answer and it never fails. But sometimes it can be so annoying, especially when you hear it more than once on the same night. We, Hungarians are very bored with it, so it’s time to forget about it. Deal? Although I’m fully aware of the situation back in my country and it’s sad but Hungary is heading to be a hungry country indeed. (But no political comments here.)

“I’m from Hungary.”

“Really? I just ordered some sushi! Would you like some?”

”You know what? I’d love to give you 2 books at this very moment. One would be an English dictionary to know the difference between hungry and Hungary, and a European travel atlas. (And f*** your sushi!)”

This guy thought he’s so funny, but I was not in a good mood to listening to this joke again. We ended up arguing and he got very angry. Even wanted to call my manager because I was rude to him!

“I’m from Hungary.”

“Are you Hungarian? You’re so white. I thought people in Hungary have dark skin like me!”

From a black guy in Toronto. Well, there are so many gipsies in Canada from Hungary, they are all there as refugees because they say Hungary doesn’t want them. And usually, they have darker skin. But apparently Canada made up the law and they send them back to Hungary because their lifestyle was not acceptable to Canadians. But it was funny that some people in Canada thought we are all the same.

“I’m from Hungary.”

“So do you have horses?”

Anybody can explain why I heard this question a few times? In Switzerland and also in Iceland. What is the link between Hungary and horses? It was a long time ago when Hungarians were riding horseback across the Carpathian base and scared the hell out of Romans. But the question is like me asking an Icelander: “Are you from Iceland? Do you have a Viking boat?”

“I’m from Hungary.”

“Do you know that originally Hungarians are from China?”

From a Chinese guy in Macau. Yes. Everything is made in China.

“Where are you from?”

“Hungary.”

“Where? Congo?”

From a Greek guy in Loutraki. I think he was the best. He tried to pick us up on a street and followed us asking questions when I was walking around with Giselle. I have no idea what he heard as my answer. Hungary and Congo have a slight bit of different pronunciation, not to mention we both don’t look exactly like Congolese women. But we still laughing at him. (No surprise, when I was on the train and asked if it goes to the airport, I ended up at the port. Airport and port are also almost the same.)

“I’m from Hungary.”

“Budapest?”

“No. Kiskunfélegyháza.”

What is basically not true but I’m laughing at the surprised faces. (I picked up a difficult one to pronounce it) Like no other city exists in Hungary expect Budapest. And Budapest, not Bucharest!

Some situations I feel ashamed, just like in Canada, according to so many gipsies there, I saw a paper on the front door of a shop “Don’t steal!” written in Hungarian. I was not so proud but again, no political comments here. Lots of boss and club owners like to work with Hungarian girls because as they say we are more respectful and there is less drama. But I can say it generally, not only in the nightlife. (Of course, exceptions are everywhere.)

So yes, I’m from Hungary. And I’m proud of it even I live in London now. And I always try to do my best to represent my country.

Thank you for reading!

I feel this is a good time to say thank you to all reading my blog. When I started almost a year ago, I never thought it will attract so many people and I will get so many emails and questions. I’m honoured. (OK, I don’t mention the guy who emailed me because he wanted to buy my panties. LOL) I’m not the best to keep in contact and I have limited time to answer, but I try my best to answer to everyone.

I must say since I came back to London, I had to realise I have not many friends here. I travelled a lot, I have friends all over the world, but I spent very little time here in London in the last 4 years and my friendships became stale. The clubs I used to work here are sold, and the girls I worked with moved to other city or back to their home country. The people from the restaurant never knew where I went after I quit from there. Everyone knows I went to Greece on holiday and maybe the best way just to let them think so. Not everyone needs to know I became a stripper. And since I started to write and talk about my purpose to write a book, I experience some envy. Oh, a woman cannot digest if some other fellas have more ambition! And I don’t want people in my social circle that turn as the wind blows. I’m trying to be honest and I don’t want hypocritical so-called friends around me. I think it’s time for some radical changes and just cut people off. I just read it somewhere “cutting the negative people out of your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself.” Maybe I should respect myself a little more and enjoy meeting up with new friends.

So this time all those support and encouraging words I got from you, really means a lot to me. I trust myself but even a stripper can have bad days and needs some supporting people around her. Be honest I felt tired and a little burned out in the last months, that’s why I decided to stay away from clubs for a while. Not to mention the alcohol that my system needs to get rid of and do some serious detox before we enter the holiday season. And I can start the New Year fresh and ready for more stripper experience.

So all I can say is a big Thank You for reading! And all I can promise is to keep up writing and sharing my life stories with you.

Is there Life after stripping?

Well, I really hope so as I’m not planning to shake my tities in my fifties. I’ve already heard a few comments like “you are too old for this”. But who decides when a stripper must quit from this lifestyle? It depends on her and only on her. I’ve seen older women – I mean much older than me – still beautiful, smiling and entertaining all night. And they still enjoy! That’s her whole life! One of my boss and owner of a strip club told me these girls need attention constantly. It’s their drugs. Without the stage, the spotlights and being in a centre of attention they are lost. I agree with him although I never had this addiction. As I spend more time in this industry, I enjoy less being on the stage and more intelligent conversations with different people.

I also heard from customers that at that age I should concentrate on my carrier in a normal day job and cooking Sunday roast to my husband and kids. This is only a stereotype. Actually, I’m very happy that I don’t have kids. For me travelling the world and teasing men it’s not expectable if you have a baby at home. I’ve seen lots of girls crying because they are away from their babies. In South Africa, I worked with a Brazilian girl who was still breastfeeding, and the baby was in Brazil. For me, this is a big NO! And I always answer to these guys, I don’t want a baby. They look at me surprisingly. But it’s true. I don’t want only a baby. I want a family. The whole package. Husband, kids, home, garden, a dog, a cat and a goldfish. I know you smile, but I still won’t be happy as a single mum with a crying baby doing night shifts.

Lots of girls are waiting for their Prince Charming to ride up in his white BMW, rescue them from the club and ensure them a secure lifestyle. (Mine got lost somewhere on his way!) They want to be taken away from this job and working for a living. They want to live in a big house with a housekeeper and a driver. But we know from fairy tales that sooner or later there will be a witch or the mean stepmother (a new lover or the ex-wife). Some of my friends found true love during working in nightclubs and I’m happy for them. They settled down in foreign countries, getting engaged or having babies. Most of all, they are happy. Ah, I know where is my Prince Charming! He has such a big heart, he sold his beautiful white horse to buy me a ring! Now he’s riding a donkey and poor animal is just so slow.

Seriously talking, after six years of being a lady of the night, I decided to step out to the daylight. I started this blog almost a year ago. I never thought but I really enjoy writing it. And checking the statistics I’m surprised that so many people follow and send me emails with lots of questions and saying “What a refreshing and interesting blog! I think a stripper who studies Japanese and know psychology should be deserving of every guy’s interest.” Last week I got an email from a university student and she asked me if I would help her writing her dissertation about lap-dance experience. I’m happy to help and also that not only men read my blog.

But my final goal is – to be honest – to write a book. I have the whole concept in my head but it takes time. So now I try to work less at night and focus on writing daytime. At least it keeps me busy and entertained until my Prince Charming arrives on his donkey.