How I met my yakuza friend

Someone asked me what was the most unexpected thing for me during my stay in Japan. Well, I never thought I became a friend of a yakuza. We all hear the stories about them but get close to them is a different story. Even Japan is more and more open, their world is still closed from Westerners.
But let’s start at the beginning. I was in Japan a year ago, in Yokohama. (There are other posts about the work there, here I don’t want to repeat myself.) He arrived at the club as a normal looking customer with a friend of his. He requested me and I didn’t suspect anything besides he was a tough looking guy. We were chatting, joking and I was impressed because he spoke quite good English and we could hold an interesting conversation about Japanese culture, not the usual “Kiss me!” or “What colour is your panties?” We were talking about samurais and the old days of Japan.
On his shirt, it was the top button open and I spotted the tattoo on his chest. That moment I knew he’s a yakuza. Of course, little curious me, I asked him to show it! He showed me the photos of his fully tattooed back and sleeves on his phone, actually, he didn’t even try to hide his identity. Doesn’t it exciting to hear all those stories and now I’m sitting with someone who holds the key to that secret world? As he told me, he doesn’t give as*** about foreigners’ opinion, but of course, he’s not that open amongst Japanese people. I didn’t want to interview him but I had lots of questions in my head. But after that night we didn’t see each other soon.
I almost forget about him as the Sakura arrived at Yokohama and I was keen to arrange a photo shooting with the cherry blossoms. It’s a very exciting time in Japan, everyone goes to the parks watching the flowers. I was lucky to find a talented young photographer and we went to a park one afternoon to take the photos. We finished quite late and I asked him to escort me back to the club because I was still not familiar with the place and I didn’t want to get lost and be late for work. It was everything fine, I arrived on time and I was still buzzing because I was sure the photos we took are excellent. But as it was expected, later my friend who was also my promoter in the club asked me:
“Mama-san asks if you have a boyfriend!”
“Boyfriend?”
“Because one of your customers saw you with a guy afternoon. He called the manager (who was on her holiday in Thailand), she called Mama-san and Mama-san asked me and now I’m asking you who was that guy?”
Photo by Hugo Poveda
Yeah, a guy with a suitcase, a camera and a huge tripod! I told her he’s a photographer and we had a photo shoot. Of course, I got a lesson that I shouldn’t meet with young handsome Latino guys because my old Japanese customers don’t want to request me after. But I had no idea who could have been the customer who saw me, or to be totally honest, I didn’t care that much. (I think they knew but didn’t want to tell.) Later on that night my yakuza friend came to the club and requested me. I immediately knew it was him. Such a coincidence, I haven’t seen him maybe 2 weeks and all of a sudden he shows interest in me! Ah, some men are so simple! I told him the story about the photographer and a crazy customer who disturbed my manager on her holiday with such stupid questions and I pretended to be upset about it. Until today he’s saying it was not him but his friend 🙂 Whatsoever, I was laughing on it.
After work, he and his friend invited us for breakfast. We went to a traditional Japanese place where you must sit on the floor. I was wearing a dress so I didn’t really feel good about it. He noticed and took off his jacket, and covered my legs with it.
“Now you can sit comfortably!”
During breakfast, I was secretly watching him. He’s a yakuza but he behaves like a perfect gentleman! I was impressed. Another day after work he took me to a park. We were sitting under hundreds of cherry trees (the whole scene felt like we’re sitting in a huge cloud of pink flowers) and he talked about what the cherry blossoms mean to the samurai spirit. It was so dreamy and I felt safe with him. I started to see him after on a regular base and I spent my days at his place. Obviously, at work they didn’t like it, long story short, they asked me to choose between him and my job. At work I was already stressed so without hesitating I told them:
“Ok, no problem, I book my ticket home.”
Not because I was in love or I planned my future life with a yakuza (Well, I must think twice if I want to be with a guy who keeps a gun in his wardrobe..) but more about the principal they pushed me to the wall to decide. But I didn’t regret my choice. After he offered me that I can stay in his place, so I stayed 2 more weeks in Japan and we visited several places around Yokohama. I think I’ve seen all the shrines of Kamakura, and trust me, there are a few there! (We were together 24/7 and two strong but different characters under the same roof, of course, it led us to some fight. I told him it’s like I got a ticket to an emotional roller coaster with him and it never stops. But about that, I will write later.)
But most importantly we understood each other perfectly. I felt we’re both on the periphery of the community, he’s a yakuza, I’m a stripper, we’re wearing the same kind of social stigmas. Until today we talk a lot on the phone. And every time I complain about my current job or the girls I work with, he always offers his gun sent by DLR to me! 🙂

Goodbye 2014

After some issues with my flight – 4 hours delay and because of that I missed the last bus so I had to spend the night at the airport again and take the first bus next day – finally, I’ve arrived in Pescara, Italy. Sleeping at airports seems became my habit this year though. The landing was also awful, the wing almost touched the ground before the plane. I can say the worst landing in my life when you believe in God or not, but start to pray suddenly. But I don’t complain as I’ve safely arrived in one piece.
I just started to work, I don’t want to say anything about the job yet. I don’t make my conclusion after 1-day work, all I can say now I’m lucky enough to share the room with a nice girl I’ve met before in Corsica so I don’t feel lonely. She just asked me yesterday: “Have you ever thought that once you will celebrate the New Year’s Eve with me?” Of course not!

I must say I’m happy to say Goodbye to this year as it was not a lucky one for me. It wasn’t fruitful, all my success was about this blog. I was disappointed in friends (even close ones) but the same time I’ve found new ones. My dates were not lucky at all, but I learned a lot about men. I was also not lucky with travel (cancelled flights, sleeping at airports, going to a wrong airport – the latest I still can’t understand how I could manage) but my biggest dream to go to Japan came true in this year. Financially I used all my saving by the end of the year because the almost 2 months break I took, but I realised I have people around me I can count in crisis. So this year I got hot and cold, almost like in a love and hate relationship. But these kinds of relationships always come with lots of stress and I usually quit as soon as I can from them, same reason I’m happy to this year came to the end.

And I made the same New Year Resolution as I do in every year. I promised myself that in the new year I will try to do something new. It can be to visit a place where I’ve never been before, tasting food that I’ve never tried or it can be just to see something in a totally different way than I did before. And when I look back at the end of the year, I always realise that it was more than one new thing, actually, it’s always a big bunch of new things each year to be grateful for. I’m still busy counting them.

So now a new day, a new year and a fresh start. I’m ready to take new adventures and accept the challenges that 2015 will bring in my way.

Happy 1st Anniversary!

Yapp, that was exactly a year ago when I published my first post here…
I still remember that was my last day in Iceland and I was so disappointed that the club couldn’t have been open. I was waiting and waiting but they didn’t get the licence back so I decided to leave. I’ve had a chance to see a bit of Iceland’s natural beauty so I didn’t see the point stay any longer. Basically, I was just wasting my time while I could arrange another contract somewhere else. The period before Christmas can be good when the companies pay the bonuses and after Christmas party, some guys go to a strip club for the afterparty, I definitely wanted to work not like this year when I’m a bit lazier. Very soon I booked myself in Luxembourg and I worked there during the holiday season. But before I left for Luxembourg, I started to write this blog.
So that night in Iceland. I was alone in a hotel room. I had a morning flight, the guy who took me to the airport picked me up early. I don’t know because of the next day travel or because of all the problems that were circulating in my head, I had a very restless sleep. I was just twisting, turning in the bed, switch on the lights, tried to read, but when my eyes got tired to switch it off but couldn’t fall asleep. Finally, I had a short but very deep sleep. I got up before my alarm clock on the phone started to beeping. And the first thing it came to my mind that I NEED TO WRITE A BOOK! It came suddenly out of nowhere. I don’t even remember if I was dreaming something about it. Then I went to the bathroom and the first word I saw it was PHOENIX (that was the brand name of the hairdryer) But this symbol has a very strong meaning in my Life. That’s why I have a small phoenix tattoo on my lower back. Actually, when I went to the tattoo salon, I had no idea what I wanted but I was sure I get a tattoo. That I don’t leave the salon without being inked. I was checking the book of drawings when this symbol found me. When I saw it, I told the guy immediately I want this one and that’s it. That was also a difficult time in my Life. But since then the symbol of the phoenix always reminds me of rebirth, that whatever goes bad in my Life, I have the power to start again from zero as I did so many times. I don’t know if you believe in these signs or not. I do. So after a few days of Internet research about how to write a blog, I had everything ready. I thought it’s a good field to test my writing skills before I would jump into the deep sea of publishing. I didn’t even think about the name, it just came to my mind without effort just like the whole idea of writing. As I explained it’s HEARTBROKEN because underneath the shiny, glittery surface I’m just a weak woman who needs to be cherished and BROKENSTILETTOS because God knows during this work how many pairs of shoes I destroyed. Against the critics that put the focus on being heartbroken, I like it and I have no intention to change it.
And a few days later I was ready with the first post. That’s how everything started here on my own little telling-all-my-secrets blog. And today, after a year I have many visitors and people from all around the world who support me with kind words. I was not expecting that. But messages like these caress and uplift my soul:
“It’s honest, mature and above all else, ‘REAL’. Very refreshing”
“Had a quick look at your blog…really well written and a very interesting window into an unfamiliar world. It’s really compelling. It’s easy to make assumptions based on peoples professions and it’s great fun to surprise people.”
“I travel a lot and have been known to find myself in strip clubs from time to time but reading about it from the other side is enlightening! I hope I have never behaved like some that you mention!”
“The more I read the more intrigued I am!”
“I particularly was drawn by your honesty and intelligence and that you come across as so totally genuine.”
I never ever met these guys in person. They never see me dance or they were never flirting with me in a club. But they like what I represent here: a genuine, honest, free-spirited woman. Might my plans for the book will fail – I will do everything not to – but for the appreciation, I get throughout the blog, it’s already worth to write. Thank you ALL!

For those who missed me.. :)

I didn’t post in the past 2 weeks and started to get complains about what’s going on with me. Good news: I’ve not vanished from the surface of the plane. Not yet. Bad news: my plans just don’t go in the way they should do. I have some troubles around the flat I live in, like searching for new flatmates and dealing with electricity companies. Before Christmas that was the last thing, I wanted to do. I just planned a nice, relaxing time until Christmas focus on more writing and study but it’s not going to happen. But no worries, I will sort everything out. I’m a clever girl.

I’m still in London. When I figured out that my circumstances have been changed, I wanted to find a job here. And I remember I promised to myself to try out some London clubs but it’s a very difficult period. It used to be so good with company bonuses and Christmas parties, so no girl wants to miss it. All the clubs are full, there is no vacancy. And don’t think it’s just that easy to walk into the club from the street and say “Hi, I want to work here.” No. I had 2 interviews. To both clubs, I applied with filling up an online application form. From Windmill on Denmark Street, they called me back. I arrived on time at the club in the afternoon, they hold auditions from 1pm-4pm. The manager asked me a few questions like on a normal job interview like why I think I would be good for their club and why did I quit from my previous job (meaning from other clubs). She was just rolling her eyes when I said I worked all over in Europe and sometimes overseas. Changing so many places and clubs was not so good point for her. And then she told me on Mondays they do the weekly rota for the dancers, if they need more girls, they will call me back for the second stage of the interview when they want to see my dancing skills. It’s held just before the opening hours and I have to be there with full makeup, hair done and I need to perform a topless stage show for a song. And after they would tell me if I fit in the frame or not. (I think so many of you would love to work for them doing the interviews and watching half naked girls dancing for free!) I’m still waiting for that phone call.. it means they are full, they have no capacity to hire more girls.

The other club was the Platinum Lace at Piccadilly. “Auditions are held every day at 7 pm sharp. You can arrive at 6.30pmto prepare, change and do make-up. Please bring suitable ID with you to prove that you are able to work in the UK legally. If successful we are offering a £25 per shift house for 2 weeks on the basis that you work 5 shifts…You will be required to do a two-song audition, the second song being topless wearing a LONG DRESS. You will be assessed on the following, hair & make-up, nails, general presentation, figure, personality and your stage show. It is important you have a good level of the English language, looks alone will not secure your work at Platinum Lace.” When I arrived, I hardly passed the security guy but he let me go in finally. The club was already open, I could hear the music at the entrance. The manager, a woman who didn’t seem friendly at all arrived and without asking my name or where I am from, she just told me “Honey, I’m not doing your interview.” I was surprised. WTF?

“I got the email this afternoon about the interview..”

“Yes, but I have enough girls.” and she just turned and left me there standing with my jaw dropped. Why the hell they send me an email about the interview if there is no interview? Great! I love wasting my time. Maybe I’m only a stripper but my time is also precious! I was pretty pissed off.

Now you can see why I don’t want to work in this city. Not only the girls are aggressive but the management doesn’t seem to be nicer either. So I went home and booked myself to work in Italy after Christmas for 2 weeks. They don’t have a house fee there and they even offer a higher daily salary if I start before New Year’s Eve. Perfect! And it’s warmer there than here.

And the other thing I’m trying out – because meanwhile, I have to pay my bills – is a webcam website. All new for me, but I don’t think it would be more difficult than dealing with guys in clubs. From my point is perfect. I work from my cosy room whenever I have time, definitely, a no touching service and I don’t need to drink alcohol. And before you start to think webcam modelling is about putting sex toys in my ear or whatever hole you can imagine on my body, I have to tell it’s mainly about chatting. With one of my first guys, we were talking about baking Christmas cookies. Hell yeah, something definitely dirty about Christmas cookies!

If you’re worried about me, the guy was absolutely nice and normal and no pervert alert at all! And I’m not going to be dirtier on that site then I do during my private dances. The naughtiest thing I do on the site playing strip poker! So far I feel comfortable with.. And now I just realised where are the customers from the clubs who used to spend good money on girls. Plus because of the blog, I’m getting so many messages, more than I felt I can handle. I started to spend hours in front of my laptop answering emails, writing messages and chatting. So at least allow me to make some money out of this, please! Don’t forget I’m a hungry Hungarian, I have to support myself with food!


If you fancy a chat with me there, you can follow the link below:

http://www.camcontacts.com/register.html?Ref=1407678 and you just need to enter my username xLindsayxx when you register to the field “how did you hear about us?”

Have a good weekend all!

I’m a stripper and you can ask anything you want to know..

Let’s play this game. You can ask me anything – seriously anything – about my work, I will give you an honest answer.
I got emails often and the most popular question is how I became a stripper. I used to get male attention since I started modelling at the age of 16. That time I had lots of fight with my dad – no real fights, no verbal or physical abuse, more of a cold war. He didn’t show interest in me, so I was seeking this attention somewhere else. Yes, in my case the psychological cliché as every stripper has daddy issues is true. But during my work years, I’ve seen the proof of the opposite too.
After portrait modelling, I started to do nude modelling. I was always proud of my body and I had trust in the photographers I worked with. I worked in Austria and Italy a lot so I got a bit of a chance to travel. But this time we only speak about artistic nude photography. Like a naked girl, painted in gold standing in the middle of a lake as a statue. Austrian photographers love bodypainting and they are quite creative. I really enjoyed those workshops. But of course, I met different photographers with different offers. I was relatively young and naïve, and the amount of money was very tempting. So slowly I got involved in the adult industry. But this I didn’t enjoy that much. I enjoyed spending the money I made (when I studied on the university, I’m sure in some months I got bigger salary than my teachers.) or I was happy when I could support my mum with a bigger amount but it came with shame.
The opportunity for dancing came on casting when I was talking with other girls and both were a dancer. I was curious so I asked the contact number of the guy that I can apply to. Very soon I went to Italy and after I was with him at the Austrian embassy signing a 3 months contract and waiting for my visa. The beginning was hard. I still remember the song when I first danced on stage. The other girls gave me enough alcohol not to remember what I was doing (thank God!) but I still remember the song was Get busy by Sean Paul.
When I finished the contract, I had 2 choices: I carry on dancing and I make more money, but then I lose the energy I already invested in my studies. That was after my 2nd year at the university, I was halfway to get my diploma and I’m not the kind of person who gives up easily. I decided to go back and finish my studies. I told myself “If I miss the spotlights, I still can work as a dancer afterwards.” But when I got my diploma, I forgot all about the stage, private dances, selling champagne and extra high stripper shoes. I wanted to have an average life. But that was a difficult time in my country, after a few failures in finding a good job I decided to move to England for 1-2 years. In Hungary, I was already thinking about trying out myself abroad when I was sitting in a job interview and listen to the guy offering me a job in another city, that meant minimum 2,5 hours travel every day, over time, limited access to grow for the minimum salary. That was all that my country could offer me. No, thank you. I quit. I went home from the interview and I bought a one-way ticket to England.
The first year I had a normal job as a nanny. Then I moved to London from the countryside and I found all those dodgy opportunities working at night. I started to work at a hostess club on Little Portland Street to improve my English. I was about talking and selling champagne but no dancing. It was great fun, good money, I didn’t look for other options. Then I changed the club and started to work at the Directors Lodge at St. James. That was the longest time I spent in one club, I worked there for almost 2 years. But still no dancing. Then I had a chance to change working in a restaurant where I was quite disappointed and not long after I was heading to Greece. (you can read more about in the Beginning 2. post)
Long story short, this is my life. This is what made me who I am today. Now I’m not ashamed anymore, I take full responsibility for all my decisions, without regrets. And today I’m brave enough to tell you that you can ask me ANYTHING, I will give you an honest answer.