B. Lindsay Belan, Author at HeartBrokenStilettos

Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight..

Been an awful good girl, Santa baby,
so hurry down the chimney tonight…

As I don’t work during the holiday season this year – I go to Italy only after Christmas – I have not many stories to tell. So I decided to share my best Christmas memories ever.
Giselle and I arrived at Cape Town in October. We planned to come back before Christmas to spend it with our family, but during the work there we changed our minds – and our tickets – and we decided to spend the Christmas together in the sunnier hemisphere. The work in Cape Town was a bit complicated, let’s say very hectic financially. The club charged us almost 300€ per week for the accommodation and the house fee. The income was unsure. Sometimes I made this 300€ a night, and I had no more headache the rest of the week, but there were weeks when I made only this amount plus a little more to pay for my food. So after 2 months staying we had not much money in the pocket, and everyone was talking about the biggest mining conference in early February when the girls make thousands of African Rand, I thought I have nothing to lose if I stay longer. And we haven’t done much of our African adventures as we planned before, without that it would have been a serious pain in my heart to leave Africa.

Think of all the fun I’ve missed,
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed…

So we were ready for our Christmas. In the club, every girl needed to do a special fantasy show once a week. As we were new with some others without the full choreography of our fantasy shows, we were chosen to do the Christmas show every night for one week on the Santa Baby song by Eartha Kitt. There were 10 girls, they split us into 2 groups, A and B, one night the group A made the show, second night the group B. The choreography was simple, but we had so much fun to learn it! There was one Colombian girl in our group, she didn’t speak English well, all she could say was “Me? No!” Whatever introduction she got from the choreographer, that was her answer too. Sometimes with Giselle, we were just secretly looked at each other and winked. Tried not to burn out in loud laughter. The other was a black girl who constantly gave us reason to smile. She was simply dumb (nothing to do with her skin colour, but she was totally blank in her head) She spoke English but against that, when everybody had to turn left, she turned right, when we needed to sit down, she stood up. We were sure about the success of the show!

Santa cutie, and fill my stockings with a duplex,
and checks. Sign your “X” on the line…

Luckily the club was closed for Christmas. On Boxing Day we packed our swimming suits and beach towels and we went to Camps Bay where we decided to spend the whole day. As Camps Bay has such a white sandy beach, we made a joke that we managed to have a white Christmas, but not in an ordinary way. I must say that was one of my most relaxed holiday seasons for me! No crazy Christmas shopping, no crowded shopping centres, no traffic jam. I bought a tiny little tree and some African handmade decoration so we even had our own decorated Christmas tree with us. A perfect sunny day on the beach in December.

Santa baby, I wanna yacht, and really that’s not a lot…

Later we had dinner in a local restaurant. The food was nice but the dessert we ordered was horrible! Again one more reason to laugh. It looked strange and tasted even stranger, but nothing could turn that day into a bad one, so we were just laughing that a simple vanilla-chocolate ice cream combo would have been a much better choice. Never mind! We were in South Africa, on the beach, watching the sunset at Christmas, a few days without work and a bottle of wine.. what else we could wish more?

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring…

I’m wishing you a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Photoblog – Sharing is caring!

Men are so visual creatures and keep asking me to post more photos here. So I don’t want to be greedy and keep all the model photos for myself.. 🙂

As one of the photographers commented, “You are a piece of artwork.”

Hope you enjoy!

With love,
Lindsay

The photo was taken by Tim Reder

If you’d like to see more of my photos, sign up to my OnlyFans account:

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or AdmireMe account:

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Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 1.

I met a girl in Paris who told me she’s studying on university and how she entered the whole glittery pinky stripper world was that she went interviewing a few dancers in a local club to write an essay and she started to like the atmosphere and decided to work in clubs afterwards. See, not every girl’s doing it for money or because they have been forced to do so, but some also realise it’s such a good job to learn about our own sexuality and express ourselves. So after talking to her, I got an email from a lovely girl – let’s call her Laura – who asked my help to write her dissertation. “I am doing research for my dissertation, which is looking into the ways in which lap-dancing is empowering for women, but I also want to learn about the difficult parts of the industry! Basically, I just want to give an honest story. I have never done lap-dancing before so I cannot write from my own experiences, and I came across your blog and it is so interesting! You seem very honest about your work and you seem to have travelled and worked in many countries.” I thought such a brave girl to write about this subject and I’m happy to help if it doesn’t cost money so I said yes to her. And some of her questions are so intelligent and worth to write a whole post as an answer.

“How did you feel when a customer breaks the rules and touches your intimate area when giving them a naked lap dance? “

When I read this question the stories started to come to my mind. But I’m telling you the best one. I was working in Toronto, Canada where the club had a totally unique system. The customers chose the girls from a photo album with the help of the bookers. Those guys were walking around with a huge album in their hands any anybody wanted to have a lap dance, they suggested the girl who suits the best for them. We girls were not allowed to talk to customers, it was a sitting area for us or we could stay in the changing room (even for a quick nap). So because of that, there was no previous agreement on what I do in private and what I don’t. It was a whole forum on an internet site about which girl is a giver in the club and it was so popular amongst the customers. If I find it, I will link it here because it was so funny and entertaining to read. So basically the guy who booked me for dance was never so sure what he can get from me.

Once I got booked by a young guy for 30 mins. He was around 20. We went down to the private area, I seated him and started to dance. Without asking or saying anything, he started to unbutton his jeans. I didn’t say anything but gave him a bad look. He didn’t get the signal – or didn’t want to understand – and his hand slid down inside his trousers. I don’t let the customers jerk themselves during my dance so I told him to stop. He said OK. And then I changed my position, I danced a bit facing the wall and when I turned back his willy was out and it was a huge grin on his face.

“I told you not to do it!” (Jesus, this half an hour dance will be difficult!)

“OK, OK! I apologise.. but a little bit?”

“NO!”

But some really like testing the waters. I thought finally he got the message, I turned again to the wall. I bend over to take my panties off when I saw him between my legs what he’s doing. Of course, his trousers down on his hips and he was jerking. I really hate when I have to repeat myself again and again, and it seems this bloke was deaf or something not to hear what I was trying to say. I found a more effective way. I grabbed his beer from the small table where he put it, suddenly turned back and put it upside down into his trousers. The cold beer poured down on his erection and on his balls.

“Now I hope you understand what I was saying to you!”

He immediately jumped from the sofa and called me on every name you can imagine. I gave him back his dance tokens and left.

Dear man, if the dancer says not to do it, it means NOT TO DO IT! Once I had to listen to 30 mins lecture from my manager because my customer did the same when I danced showing my butt to him. My manager passed the curtains and she saw what’s going on and interrupted the dance. I told her I’m wearing my eyes on the front and I can’t see what he’s doing behind my back but she thought I let him do. Seriously I almost got fired just because the guy was not listening. Same with touching. In some clubs, they are very strict about it and I can get in trouble if they see it on the security cameras. What? If there are security cameras??? Of course, there are! Who would believe that there is no control over what’s going on in the VIP room? The clubs have to protect themselves if anything happens there.

But answering the question, it happened to me that the customer touched me in an inappropriate way – again I was showing my back to him and I did a sexy bend over. He thought it’s funny if he touches me between my legs. As I felt his finger on my private area I turn back and suddenly gave him a huge slap on his face.

“Never do it again!”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Get out!”

“But I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“Get the fuck out of here!!!”

I was cold as ice and he understood the fun is over and he left. After the security guy came to me asking why I finished the dance sooner. I told him what happened and he just shrugged his shoulder. “Hm, OK.”Of course, it was OK. It was no argument about paying back the dance or anything. Security can help to kick out an angry guy or step between the dancer and customer if it’s necessary. But behind closed doors (or curtains) I’m in control. And I have to make sure that nothing happening there that can harm me. I remember working as a hostess. Once we had a beautiful girl who never worked in this field before. She got chosen by a “good” customer and the guy paid her champagne bottle after bottle. As it was her first night, she easily lost her limits. And the control. After she was crying in the toilette because the guy tried to finger her through her tights and panties and she felt violated. That was her first and last night.

That’s MY body, I make the rules! I understand there are different clubs and in some clubs, you can get more, I also understand that the temptation is big, but if the dancer says NO, it means NO. It’s always better to ask than walking through the whole club with wet pants and it looks you just peed yourself during the private dance.

Happy 1st Anniversary!

Yapp, that was exactly a year ago when I published my first post here…

I still remember that was my last day in Iceland and I was so disappointed that the club couldn’t have been open. I was waiting and waiting but they didn’t get the licence back so I decided to leave. I’ve had a chance to see a bit of Iceland’s natural beauty so I didn’t see the point stay any longer. Basically, I was just wasting my time while I could arrange another contract somewhere else. The period before Christmas can be good when the companies pay the bonuses and after Christmas party, some guys go to a strip club for the afterparty, I definitely wanted to work not like this year when I’m a bit lazier. Very soon I booked myself in Luxembourg and I worked there during the holiday season. But before I left for Luxembourg, I started to write this blog.

So that night in Iceland. I was alone in a hotel room. I had a morning flight, the guy who took me to the airport picked me up early. I don’t know because of the next day travel or because of all the problems that were circulating in my head, I had a very restless sleep. I was just twisting, turning in the bed, switch on the lights, tried to read, but when my eyes got tired to switch it off but couldn’t fall asleep. Finally, I had a short but very deep sleep. I got up before my alarm clock on the phone started to beeping. And the first thing it came to my mind that I NEED TO WRITE A BOOK! It came suddenly out of nowhere. I don’t even remember if I was dreaming something about it. Then I went to the bathroom and the first word I saw it was PHOENIX (that was the brand name of the hairdryer) But this symbol has a very strong meaning in my Life. That’s why I have a small phoenix tattoo on my lower back. Actually, when I went to the tattoo salon, I had no idea what I wanted but I was sure I get a tattoo. That I don’t leave the salon without being inked. I was checking the book of drawings when this symbol found me. When I saw it, I told the guy immediately I want this one and that’s it. That was also a difficult time in my Life. But since then the symbol of the phoenix always reminds me of rebirth, that whatever goes bad in my Life, I have the power to start again from zero as I did so many times. I don’t know if you believe in these signs or not. I do. So after a few days of Internet research about how to write a blog, I had everything ready. I thought it’s a good field to test my writing skills before I would jump into the deep sea of publishing. I didn’t even think about the name, it just came to my mind without effort just like the whole idea of writing. As I explained it’s HEARTBROKEN because underneath the shiny, glittery surface I’m just a weak woman who needs to be cherished and BROKENSTILETTOS because God knows during this work how many pairs of shoes I destroyed. Against the critics that put the focus on being heartbroken, I like it and I have no intention to change it.

And a few days later I was ready with the first post. That’s how everything started here on my own little telling-all-my-secrets blog. And today, after a year I have many visitors and people from all around the world who support me with kind words. I was not expecting that. But messages like these caress and uplift my soul:

“It’s honest, mature and above all else, ‘REAL’. Very refreshing”

“Had a quick look at your blog…really well written and a very interesting window into an unfamiliar world. It’s really compelling. It’s easy to make assumptions based on peoples professions and it’s great fun to surprise people.”

“I travel a lot and have been known to find myself in strip clubs from time to time but reading about it from the other side is enlightening! I hope I have never behaved like some that you mention!”

“The more I read the more intrigued I am!”

“I particularly was drawn by your honesty and intelligence and that you come across as so totally genuine.”

I never ever met these guys in person. They never see me dance or they were never flirting with me in a club. But they like what I represent here: a genuine, honest, free-spirited woman. Might my plans for the book will fail – I will do everything not to – but for the appreciation, I get throughout the blog, it’s already worth to write. Thank you ALL!

For those who missed me.. :)

I didn’t post in the past 2 weeks and started to get complains about what’s going on with me. Good news: I’ve not vanished from the surface of the plane. Not yet. Bad news: my plans just don’t go in the way they should do. I have some troubles around the flat I live in, like searching for new flatmates and dealing with electricity companies. Before Christmas that was the last thing, I wanted to do. I just planned a nice, relaxing time until Christmas focus on more writing and study but it’s not going to happen. But no worries, I will sort everything out. I’m a clever girl.

I’m still in London. When I figured out that my circumstances have been changed, I wanted to find a job here. And I remember I promised to myself to try out some London clubs but it’s a very difficult period. It used to be so good with company bonuses and Christmas parties, so no girl wants to miss it. All the clubs are full, there is no vacancy. And don’t think it’s just that easy to walk into the club from the street and say “Hi, I want to work here.” No. I had 2 interviews. To both clubs, I applied with filling up an online application form. From Windmill on Denmark Street, they called me back. I arrived on time at the club in the afternoon, they hold auditions from 1pm-4pm. The manager asked me a few questions like on a normal job interview like why I think I would be good for their club and why did I quit from my previous job (meaning from other clubs). She was just rolling her eyes when I said I worked all over in Europe and sometimes overseas. Changing so many places and clubs was not so good point for her. And then she told me on Mondays they do the weekly rota for the dancers, if they need more girls, they will call me back for the second stage of the interview when they want to see my dancing skills. It’s held just before the opening hours and I have to be there with full makeup, hair done and I need to perform a topless stage show for a song. And after they would tell me if I fit in the frame or not. (I think so many of you would love to work for them doing the interviews and watching half naked girls dancing for free!) I’m still waiting for that phone call.. it means they are full, they have no capacity to hire more girls.

The other club was the Platinum Lace at Piccadilly. “Auditions are held every day at 7 pm sharp. You can arrive at 6.30pmto prepare, change and do make-up. Please bring suitable ID with you to prove that you are able to work in the UK legally. If successful we are offering a £25 per shift house for 2 weeks on the basis that you work 5 shifts…You will be required to do a two-song audition, the second song being topless wearing a LONG DRESS. You will be assessed on the following, hair & make-up, nails, general presentation, figure, personality and your stage show. It is important you have a good level of the English language, looks alone will not secure your work at Platinum Lace.” When I arrived, I hardly passed the security guy but he let me go in finally. The club was already open, I could hear the music at the entrance. The manager, a woman who didn’t seem friendly at all arrived and without asking my name or where I am from, she just told me “Honey, I’m not doing your interview.” I was surprised. WTF?

“I got the email this afternoon about the interview..”

“Yes, but I have enough girls.” and she just turned and left me there standing with my jaw dropped. Why the hell they send me an email about the interview if there is no interview? Great! I love wasting my time. Maybe I’m only a stripper but my time is also precious! I was pretty pissed off.

Now you can see why I don’t want to work in this city. Not only the girls are aggressive but the management doesn’t seem to be nicer either. So I went home and booked myself to work in Italy after Christmas for 2 weeks. They don’t have a house fee there and they even offer a higher daily salary if I start before New Year’s Eve. Perfect! And it’s warmer there than here.

And the other thing I’m trying out – because meanwhile, I have to pay my bills – is a webcam website. All new for me, but I don’t think it would be more difficult than dealing with guys in clubs. From my point is perfect. I work from my cosy room whenever I have time, definitely, a no touching service and I don’t need to drink alcohol. And before you start to think webcam modelling is about putting sex toys in my ear or whatever hole you can imagine on my body, I have to tell it’s mainly about chatting. With one of my first guys, we were talking about baking Christmas cookies. Hell yeah, something definitely dirty about Christmas cookies!

If you’re worried about me, the guy was absolutely nice and normal and no pervert alert at all! And I’m not going to be dirtier on that site then I do during my private dances. The naughtiest thing I do on the site playing strip poker! So far I feel comfortable with.. And now I just realised where are the customers from the clubs who used to spend good money on girls. Plus because of the blog, I’m getting so many messages, more than I felt I can handle. I started to spend hours in front of my laptop answering emails, writing messages and chatting. So at least allow me to make some money out of this, please! Don’t forget I’m a hungry Hungarian, I have to support myself with food!

If you fancy a chat with me there, you can follow the link below:

http://www.camcontacts.com/register.html?Ref=1407678 and you just need to enter my username xLindsayxx when you register to the field “how did you hear about us?”

Have a good weekend all!