B. Lindsay Belan, Author at HeartBrokenStilettos

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 3.

“Do you see your work as a type of acting? (like an actress going onto a stage and performing a certain identity, pretending to be a different person)”

“Why do you chose to use a different name to your actual name? Is your stage name may be part of a different part of your identity that you act?”

Most of the burlesque classes start with the lesson of how to build up your persona. In strip clubs, there is no such a class, but it all starts with choosing your dancer name. I used to work using the short form of my real name, but in non-English speaker countries, it doesn’t sound sexy at all. Girls choose a dancer name to hide their real identity. Before you ask yourself, no, it’s not my real name. And I’m not named after Lindsay Lohan. I’m less trouble than she is. 🙂 But it has been told I look like the Victoria’s Secret model Lindsay Ellingson (I used to be blonde that time) and I’m proud of having that name. When one of my managers told me I will be called Lindsay, I immediately felt confident with this name, and since then I use it everywhere I go. It’s easy because not so common. If I choose a name like Maria, I could be asked in every club to change it because there is a Maria already there. When they make our weekly rota or the payments documents, they use only the dancer name. Can you imagine it if is more than one Lindsay there? Or when the DJ call the next girl to the stage in the mike? They don’t even like when there are lots of similar names like Nelly, Kelly, Sally, Terry for the same reason.

But with Lindsay, I always have lots of fun as no one can write it down properly. When I see a Lizi or Lindi on the rota I smile and I know it’s me. In some countries, I can’t use it. In Japanese, it’s difficult to pronounce as they don’t have the letter “L” and they would call me Rindsay. So Mama-san gave me a name and I was Chanel. Not sure if it was better than Rindsay.

“Hello, I’m Chanel.”

“Hi Chanel, I’m Cartier.” or “Hello, I’m Hugo. Hugo Boss.”

I hated it!

But some girls having fun to change their names in every club. My friend Giselle used maybe 4 or 5 names during our work period together. And then I had to be cautious about which name should I call her in the recent club or front of the recent customer. She didn’t make it easy for me.

Talking about the persona or a different personality when I work, I don’t know. For me, there is not such a big difference. But maybe I’m just too honest and I don’t want to wear a mask at work. For me actually is the opposite. During this job, I learned a lot about myself and I became more ME than to develop a persona and play a role. I feel very lucky that I’m not one of the girls who are able to work only under the influence of drugs or alcohol. That changes the personality a lot. Sometimes I wonder about girls that they so quiet in the apartment and at work, they are totally behaving like superstars. Sometimes I make a joke that maybe I need to take the same drug to feel more confident and be more effective at work. but it’s only a matter of time when the effect is gone – together with their self-confidence.

So for me after several years spent in this business, there is a very thin line between my work personality and my real one. I don’t want to act at work and play a persona which is not me just to make more money and please the customer. (Here I’m not talking about being smiley and bubbly and funny. I can be that naturally without acting. And I also know every customer is different so I need to adopt different behaviour to work with them. I just don’t have a role at work to play.) It works like a filter. If they want a girl with certain behaviour, they don’t choose me and I can happily work with the customer who appreciates my personality without wearing a mask. But at the same time, my work has affected my personality and thanks for all those years of experiences and situations, I became a stronger person in my private life.

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 2.

“How would dancers feel about giving their sexual partner, or someone that they are in a long-term relationship with a lap-dance? If they would do a lap-dance for them, would they do a different routine to the one that they do at work, and why?”

“Do you think that dancers wear the same underwear at home with their partners as they would at work? Would they wear stockings, g-strings or heels?”

I can not talk about others. I only can tell you about my private sex life. I never gave a lap dance to my actual partner. Some might think a stripper in her private life has an intense sex drive and the knowledge of all the Kama Sutra positions, but it’s not necessarily true. I know girls working in clubs and they are quite shy in private life with their partner when it comes to sex. Here I’m not talking about dating, usually my – not so serious – dates request to bring all those sexy stuff if they know I’m a dancer – one asked me to bring a pole and do a show for him. Of course, my dearest desire to carry 15kg plus with me on my date! Not to mention if I do a show, I get paid for it. Actually, it’s a good filter if I can to take the guy seriously because he interested in me or he just wants some fun with a sexy lady.

For me, if I’m in a long-term relationship, I don’t like wearing my work uniform during sex (even if I have a sexier one than the Metropolitan Police), unless my partner wants me to wear them. I prefer no stockings, no suspenders, no g-strings. A’la naturale. I don’t want to feel I’m working, I’m not posing or teasing like at work, but I try to create an intimate atmosphere what I don’t always do with customers. Probably it works for guys in the same way as they want to see me with no make-up on, and I heard often how sexy I am in my nighties or wearing nothing just a simple t-shirt. How strange that it works in a different way as it works for an average woman! They want to feel sexy and they’re buying all those sexy lingerie sets with lace, silk, satin and God know what else, while I want to forget about them. For me, the sexy lingerie set is for Birthdays and Bank Holidays only. 🙂

Why would a guy prefer me being naked or wearing a t-shirt (especially if it’s his) over some sexy lace? The sexy lingerie is just a big show off. It reminds him of the working girl on stage. He wants to see the woman behind the scenes. It gives him the feeling that I belong to him and only to him. Anybody can see me wearing a sexy set on stage, but only he can see me in my home clothes without ten layers of makeup. In this way, he feels more special.

You asked about the routine, what I would do differently. Even if I decide to give a lap-dance to my partner, kissing would be a huge part of the dance. I don’t kiss every customer. And once we start kissing, it would lead us into a foreplay which is not what I do at my work. He would have access to the area on my body that is a big no-no for customers. Not necessary the private parts. I hate when a customer that I don’t even know wants to kiss my neck, but I really enjoy when my partner does it and for me, it’s a big turn on for example. And one more thing would be a huge difference with my partner: there is no time limit! No secretly watching the clock on the wall how many minutes left from the dance. Unfortunately, if he behaves badly, there is also no security there! 🙂 At work, I always have to be eager what’s happening around me while with my partner I just want to get lost in the moment. And it’s a huge difference indeed. I know, I’m a stripper. But such a romantic at the same time!

Photoblog – In the Studio of Venus

Another shooting results I am proud of but unfortunately, I lost contact with the photographer. (venustudio.tumblr.com)

Love,

Lindsay

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Andiamo, prego, tutti frutti, macaroni

After 1 week of working in Pescara, I still haven’t decided if I like it here or not. I’m wondering how other clubs work in Italy because this one has a strange system for me. When I think I’ve seen every type of clubs I always must realise I haven’t and some places still can hold some surprise.

Why Pescara? Simply because one of my agency has contact with the club here and they offered a higher salary if I start between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. That’s why. Some men suggested me to work in Milan as it is a wealthy city, but I don’t know any clubs there or even an agency that works with any clubs there.

Here I have free accommodation in the hotel above the club and €80 daily salary in the holiday season instead of the regular €60. I thought if I do some private dances, I’ll be fine. The first surprise that there is no private dance here. That my agency forgot to tell, they even mentioned the private dances when they sent me the club details. I feel a little bit cheated, so the other 3 dancers from the Chech Republic (they work with the same agency) The dear girl from the agency also forgot to tell us to bring normal cocktail dresses for work as the Russian girls dress up so. She told me to bring long dresses but a long stripper seethrough dress with a high cut on the side and lots of glitters is so different from an elegant pencil dress. The Russians would give me an evil eye if I wear that dress at work! Fortunately I have corsets and a pencil skirt just in case to go out, they perfectly do the job at work, but still, I show much more skin than the other girls. Not to mention that it’s so cold in the club! You think it’s just a big fuss about clothes. But like now I carry lots of unnecessary clothes in my luggage when I have to be careful with the weight limit, it doesn’t help to build up a good relationship with my colleagues when I’m more underdressed than most of them and I have to apologise and find excuses when the boss asks with a not so nice tone in his voice: “Where is your dress?”

The money is also not so good here. The customers pay my time. 20 minutes booking cost €20 for them and I got €3. (Not even the 20% drink commission as in other clubs.) It means I can make €9 per hour if I work 6 hours that 6x€9 plus the average €60 daily salary is €114 per night. But in that case, I work from opening until closing what never happens as I got booked by the customers’ choice. And I have to stay until 4 am, there is no way to leave the club at 3.55 if there is no customer. So maximum €114 a night. Do you still think strippers are super rich???

I still don’t know what is the business here for the Russian girls. They work here years, no dancing, only consummation, and as far as I know they only get the €60 fix salary, no commission. Yeah, the same thing crossed my mind too! I feel we dancers just the decoration, doing 1-2 showtime a night, and bring more customers because there are always new girls in the club as we don’t stay long in one place. Or even what is the business for the club? I just made a quick calculation that if I work all night, they got €60 from my customers in each hour, that’s €360 in 6 hours minus my salary and commission, I make €246 for the club. This is the maximum they can get after me a night. And they work with maximum 8-10 girls. No dances, no entrance fee, no bottles of champagne sold and the drinks for customers can’t be so expensive. This money in the night club business is peanuts. A club has such high expenses like licence, a stock of alcohol, music, staff etc. I wonder how they manage to keep open.

But I stay for 2 weeks only. And the club is very pretty, the staff is friendly and helpful, the accommodation is okay so I won’t complain more. And for sure on the summertime, it’s much better as the beach is only 100 meters from the hotel. Daytime you’re on the beach, at night you have a party, free accommodation and even you don’t make lots of money it can cover your flight tickets and all your expenses here, it could be a nice summer holiday.

Goodbye 2014

After some issues with my flight – 4 hours delay and because of that I missed the last bus so I had to spend the night at the airport again and take the first bus next day – finally, I’ve arrived in Pescara, Italy. Sleeping at airports seems became my habit this year though. The landing was also awful, the wing almost touched the ground before the plane. I can say the worst landing in my life when you believe in God or not, but start to pray suddenly. But I don’t complain as I’ve safely arrived in one piece.

I just started to work, I don’t want to say anything about the job yet. I don’t make my conclusion after 1-day work, all I can say now I’m lucky enough to share the room with a nice girl I’ve met before in Corsica so I don’t feel lonely. She just asked me yesterday: “Have you ever thought that once you will celebrate the New Year’s Eve with me?” Of course not!

I must say I’m happy to say Goodbye to this year as it was not a lucky one for me. It wasn’t fruitful, all my success was about this blog. I was disappointed in friends (even close ones) but the same time I’ve found new ones. My dates were not lucky at all, but I learned a lot about men. I was also not lucky with travel (cancelled flights, sleeping at airports, going to a wrong airport – the latest I still can’t understand how I could manage) but my biggest dream to go to Japan came true in this year. Financially I used all my saving by the end of the year because the almost 2 months break I took, but I realised I have people around me I can count in crisis. So this year I got hot and cold, almost like in a love and hate relationship. But these kinds of relationships always come with lots of stress and I usually quit as soon as I can from them, same reason I’m happy to this year came to the end.

And I made the same New Year Resolution as I do in every year. I promised myself that in the new year I will try to do something new. It can be to visit a place where I’ve never been before, tasting food that I’ve never tried or it can be just to see something in a totally different way than I did before. And when I look back at the end of the year, I always realise that it was more than one new thing, actually, it’s always a big bunch of new things each year to be grateful for. I’m still busy counting them.

So now a new day, a new year and a fresh start. I’m ready to take new adventures and accept the challenges that 2015 will bring in my way.