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Why are men so coward these days?

(Some big Egos for sure would love to burn me at the stake after reading this article!)

Yesterday night I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers. We started to talk about relationships generally and he said his opinion is that we live in a women’s world. The guy is a master in 3 different kinds of martial arts, not the stereotype of a mommy’s boy, so I was surprised when I heard that from a strong alfa-male type of guy. Such a convenience, earlier I was reading an article about that when the writer – a man – had the same opinion.

And dear Gentlemen, I share the same thoughts. The women are braver and more open these days and more capable to take the consequences for their own acts, for their own feelings. The men look strong and brave, but if you scratch their big Egos, you realise under the surface how emotionally unstable they are. Immature. Full of doubts and despairs. (Come on, you can throw those stones, but sorry if the shoe fits…) I give you examples. My ex after 2 years relationship just disappeared. Not giving any explanation, not answering my emails, my questions, just totally cut me off. I still don’t know exactly why. Or the guy I was seeing lately after we had an argument, just deleted me from Facebook instead of finding the solution to the problem. That was his problem-solving method. (Of course, later he sent me a friend request again, but I don’t play this game. Once you deleted me, it’s going to stay like that. Add as a friend and unfriend me and friend request again.. so childish! Oh, and he is in his forties!) And I can bring you tonnes of example from my life. Even a customer. “I will have a dance with you later. I just need to go to the toilet first.” He never came back. And the list is endless. The other girl who sat at the table was nodding her head and also brought up some examples from her life.

The question is there dear Gents: why are you not able to tell us the truth? Why is it easier to sneak out than face the problems? You have a straight opinion but you are afraid to say. One guy told me when he and his partner are having an argument, it’s always good to wait until the storm is gone. But when is no storm? When the situation is simple and not emotions are involved? Why are you not able to say out loud in a strip club that “Sorry, you’re pretty but I prefer tall (short, blonde, brunette girls with big boobies, etc. etc.)” or “I want to take your friend for a dance. Is that OK?” Of course, it’s OK! I would even say thank you for being honest and not wasting my time. (Forget about those girls who get sore and call you an idiot because they are also immature.)

And there is one thing you definitely have to think about: how you want me to respect you after I figured out you’re a coward? Are you afraid of making decisions in your private life or not able to take the consequences for your actions? You’re always pointing the other but never say “Sorry, I made a mistake?” You can not face the problems and you can’t act like a grown-up man? When you’re just being cold and keep distance instead of saying “Honey, it ain’t gonna work for us.”? Lots of guys cannot be upfront.

I’m not perfect either. I have my own mistakes (a full list of them!) But I never put my head into the sand when it comes to difficulties and I always keep my promises. And I want the same in return. Someone told me I’m a man-hater. No, I’m not. I make money out of them, how can I hate them? 🙂 End of the day they pay my rent, my bills, my travels. I don’t hate them. I just don’t always understand them. I’m also aware that there are guys who don’t fall into this category. Luckily. But I meet them rarely. And don’t tell me those guys just want to be polite! You still can reject someone on a polite way.. and you gain some respect in return. That point we also agreed with my customer but he couldn’t give me answers. I took him for a dance instead.

Dear Gentlemen, the question is there. If you feel offended or you can answer my question, please don’t hesitate to comment!

I would be happy to hear a different opinion.

Why I’m single and the reason behind

I’ve heard so many times from guys: “I don’t believe that you are single.” You believe it or not, I am. I usually tell customers that it’s not easy to find the right one when I’m always on the go. (Sometimes I’m actually very tempted to say yes, of course, I have one in every capital!) But I really mean it. 2 weeks here, 3 months there, it’s not enough time to build up a committed relationship. And if I find someone nice that we have the vibe, from the beginning it’s determined as we both know I don’t stay long. I haven’t found the person or place that’s worth enough to make me stop and stay.

That is a lie itself. I’ve found that special person or at least I thought so. We met just a few weeks before my contract finished. We had some special time together than he took me to the airport and I left him with a promise to keep in touch. I left him not even another country but another continent.

And the magic came through emails. I have no idea how it happened or when I fell for him, but truly he became my strongest relationship with someone. He became my greatest support, best friend and someone I could talk freely about anything. And he was 3500 miles away! Since then I believe in long distance relationships.

He appreciated and accepted me in the way I am (vice versa) more than any person physically close to me for more than 2 years. And guess what? End of the day I wasn’t good enough for him. Basically, he chose the most coward way and he just disappeared. I know that time he had problems but he chose “being selfish and isolated”. I gave him the maximum of time to deal with his own problems as I know men need that and I was not nagging with stupid questions. But months later there was still no contact and explanation. Of course “sorry for being distant” messages yes, but not a real reason why he chose to end it up in that way. Why he pushed me away. I’ve been just left alone with my guess. And this is the most soul-killing solution that a guy can do for a woman. Even the painful truth is better. Maybe I cry for a day or two, but then I know the show must go on.

That time I was working in Macau, China, and he has no idea but he really gave me a hard time. Not because he stopped communicating, but because I had no idea what’s going on. I even started to blame myself. I couldn’t concentrate my own work, I was not even able to smile sometimes. In a 2 months period, I was just a shadow of myself. Now it’s over, the strong woman is back, who able to fight with anything with the greatest smile. Thanks to my dear friends for the support and lifting up my spirit and I apologise to those who had no chance to get to know the real me because I was in my own little world liking my wounds. So after that long time: Life Is Beautiful and Good Morning Sunshine!

And as someone asked me about, I have to make a statement that’s nothing wrong with my sexual life! Well, I have blood in my veins (OK, sometimes it’s mixed with lots of champagne but it’s still mainly blood) I don’t have a relationship but it doesn’t mean I’m not dating. Even when I had this long distance relationship or special friendship (or whatever label you want to use) I was seeing guys. That was a kinda silent arrangement between us, he never asked me about that and I didn’t either. We are only humans and our body has needs. And we are adults enough to understand that. But back to dating, I don’t date with anybody. The guy I want to date with needs to catch my attention. Not with a good look or money. But he needs to have that special something. He needs to know how to treat a woman. Some date, of course, can fail and I say I don’t even want to see that guy again. But when it comes to sex, I like to take the time to get in the mood with a dinner and a bottle of good wine. Maybe two.

I guess this is when people say it’s not a matter of quantity but quality. And I definitely go for quality things in my Life. And until I find my Mr Right, I will enjoy dating.

Bitches vs. Doormats

If you want to call me a bitch you’re allowed to. If you think I’m strong, I don’t let a man think he has a hold on me if you think I can stand up for myself and I don’t chase a man, you’re right. In that case, if every strong woman is a bitch, you can call me one. Because I know what I want, I do not compromise and I’m still very feminine on the surface. And being called a bitch is still better than being called a doormat.

I have a very good example of the latter. Some girls are incredible desperate having a relationship and they even try to convince themselves that their relationships work and it’s good for them. The fears come from different backgrounds, not having enough self-esteem, they need control from the outside, they think someone can make them happy rather than make themselves happy, etc. Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves. And they give too much in their relationships. I mean way TOO much! A friend of mine once has been called out for dinner at 11 pm! In the rain. And she happily put some make-up and shoes on and left the house. There is no guy in the entire Universe that can call me out after 8 pm for a date! Where is the self-respect here?

I don’t want to analyse the whole thing from the guy’s side and I don’t want to judge him either. But at some point, I’d like to hear his opinion. My problem is my friend. To see her in a relationship waiting. Waiting for his phone calls, waiting to see him, waiting that the guy wants to settle down, waiting when he decides to move in together, waiting, just waiting. That’s the worst thing that a woman can do in her early thirties. Waiting and wasting her best years because she’s living in a dream. She sees what she wants to see. As they say: The eyes are useless when the mind is blind. And she loves to give advice to others about their dates or relationships what really started to piss me off lately. I don’t know how long I’m able to shut my mouth.

In my opinion, men are hunters. They are more turned on by a powerful woman because it’s a trill to them to take her down. A high-calibre guy wants a self-respecting woman who has an appetite for her own Life and won’t let someone walk all over her. That’s why even my friend calls me a bitch. Not to face to face, of course! For example, she never understood how I’m able to accept gifts from my dates. Because I simply deserve it! (And she doesn’t even know that that was kinda training for me to accept any presents or help from a man who is not my partner. Sometimes my pride was bigger than the desire to have that gift.) She calls me a bitch because in her opinion it’s not possible if I don’t treat them right sexually. She doesn’t know how to accept something, only to give. She never learnt to keep the balance between giving and accepting. That you shouldn’t give more than you get back in return. She never understood these things but she easily judges others. She has a normal life, a normal job. She never worked in the night. She knew when I worked in London as a hostess, living together was not easy to lie about it and I didn’t even want. She knows that I’m doing the same in different countries now, I never mentioned her when I started to dance. I didn’t see the point. But with all these travels, all the new experiences, with new people around me, she sees that I’m happy and easily succeed in my goal.

She is a nice girl. TOO nice! But in a relationship, she’s not able to stand up for herself and for her own needs. And“when a nice girl needs a man too much and puts him on a pedestal, she treats him with a view of himself that even he doesn’t hold. And it makes him uncomfortable because he knows (better than anyone) that he ain’t no a white knight.” (Sherry Argov: Why Men Love Bitches)

I don’t know what is going to happen next. Probably they will struggle together for more years and make each other unhappy. Both have no strength to quit. But this is an unhealthy situation. I just hope soon they will be able to solve it in one way or another. But meanwhile, I’m happy bitching around.

Happy 2014 to all!

I hope this year brings lots of new people, adventure and travel into my life, just like the previous one…

Someone asked me a good question and it made me think: what is my goal with writing this blog? I would just simply say to share experience, the good and bad side of this profession. Nothing else really. I don’t have journalist skills and as you can notice I don’t write on my mother language (I apologise ahead for all the grammar mistakes I make here) but I gained a big experience with men over the past 5 years. And some was really a jaw-dropping one.

I know men and women are different. The different way of thinking and different needs. And when I say I understand that, I really mean it. I’m not a nagging and yelling type of girl, and if my guy needs space, I give it to him. I’m not making problems over a few beers with colleagues after work or getting easily jealous. I understand the different problem-solving technics and I’m there for support but not asking every minute what’s wrong and try to talk about it. And I don’t even remember when I asked a guy “do you still love me?” I can say, the guy with me can feel he won the jackpot.

But I’m still single. I don’t know, maybe it’s just about luck, but I feel I always met the wrong type. Of course, I’ve read about all the expectations, that you will get what you give, follow your heart and the Universe helps you to achieve your desires and so on, but I’ve been in some very awkward situations lately. And the point I still can’t understand, why women are reading thousands of self-help books to make their relationships better, while men are more and more lazy to take their part in this. Some can be a real jerk even with a stripper (how do they behave with their girlfriends/wives then?) For example I had a customer the other day here in Luxembourg. He was nice, he usually spends some time in London so he asked me out when the next time we are both there. I thought why not, I give him a chance and I gave him my number… Then he said he go to the toilette, and he just disappeared. Without even saying Goodbye. It’s OK, I thought maybe he changed his mind or whatever. I forgot about the situation. But after a few days, he sent me a text! “Hello Lindsay, how have you been? This is Daniel. I’d love to take you out tonight for dinner and wine. Can you make it by 8 pm? Daniel :)” This time he was already in London, I was still in Luxembourg. And I wouldn’t have been surprised, but I told him I go back only in 2 weeks time. I’m wondering did he really heard what I was saying to him???? “I’m working tonight from 8 pm in the club” I hoped he realises I’m still in Luxembourg. I also told him, when I’m in London, I don’t work. “Hello 🙂 would you like we meet over drinks and we spend the evening together when you’re done from work tonight? I’m staying at the Four Season hotel in Park Lane. Where are you based in London?”That’s it. I started to be angry. Not about he suggested spending the night in a hotel with a total stranger (this kind of offers I get very often) but the lack of the minimum attention and respect to somebody he wants to spend a night with and obviously expecting an incredible amazing sex affair. “Man didn’t you understand that I’m still in Luxembourg til mid-January??????” That point I didn’t even want to be nice… “I was last Friday in Luxembourg. Btw, cannot you be more polite with manners when you type? You seem very aggressive not relaxed type!” I just started to laugh. I couldn’t believe my eyes… First I know that he was in Luxembourg as we met here last Friday. I remember very well as he sneaked out saying he’s going to the toilet. I can’t be that drunk to forget which city or country I am. And I’m the one who is not polite here???? And he feels he has the right judging my way of typing or behaviour? Pfff, please… He was wrong. I wasn’t aggressive but extremely shocked. After he said he’s going to the washroom and disappeared, he really thought that I want to meet up with him again? End of story. No more messages. But the whole situation made me think what’s wrong with men these days.

Gentlemen, even if you want nothing else but a quick sex with a girl from a bar (any bar, not necessary a strip club) do you listen to her at all? I don’t mean when she tells you the name of her sister’s dog, but basic information like how long she stays in the city? You need to know that if you plan to see her again. And in my opinion, when you arrange a dinner with someone, that’s a date. So when you want to date with that girl later, you don’t even care to impress her? I know this guy was a very bad example. Thank God, I’ve met the opposite type more often. But unfortunately, I have no doubts that he’s not the only one out there who urgently needs further educations about how to impress a woman. And I also have no doubts that there are girls that they don’t need more just to show them a few banknotes and they are ready to do anything to you, but I’m not talking about these cases and I’m definitely one of them.

Or another guy from yesterday. I just mentioned him I did 5 years belly dancing at back home.

“Oh ballet, great, I danced too!”

“No, I said belly dance..”

“Yes, ballet is good. Was there any famous ballet group in your city? Like Russian ballet?”

“Sweetie, I’m talking about Egyptian tribal belly dance!”

“Did you do jive as well?”

I decided it’s wiser to be quiet and just smile. End of the day he’s paying for my champagne. And I know the term ballet and belly sound similar and it’s easy to misunderstand with a loud music background, but I’m just wondering did he really hear when I corrected him? Twice?

I started to believe that we have some major communication problems here. Usually, women talk and men listen. But in some cases, men don’t listen at all! And they are surprised if we get upset and blame us for being short tempered. It’s really not a good point if you expect something later on from that woman. Just like the second guy, he asked if I would give him my mobile number and keep in touch. No, it doesn’t work in this way..!
So please Gentlemen, pay more attention to that pretty girl next to you at the bar that you want to date with, to your girlfriend and to your wife, and your life will be much smoother and you will hear less complain.