B. Lindsay Belan, Author at HeartBrokenStilettos

Be My Valentine

For Haters:

I heard so many times from guys that they hate Valentine’s Day. It makes me sad because girls from any age, we love it (even the single ladies are secretly hoping that someone will think of them that day)! And if you are not such a romantic guy, we don’t expect a marriage proposal, diamond jewellery, a big bouquet of flowers or we don’t need you to cook a dinner for us. These things are great, but a single rose can show us your appreciation. Or chocolate. Chocolate always works. Sometimes small, simple things can make a big effect.

So don’t be lazy and don’t try to find an excuse why you should hate this day! Your woman needs some attention, so give it to her! And if you please her she will be happy, the end of the day she will please you and you will be happy! Isn’t it worth it?

Advanced Level:

If you are thinking something bigger, here are some advice:

Small presents. Sexy lingerie (and the outcome is guaranteed) You in the kitchen. You in the kitchen cooking (doesn’t matter if you just heat up the Chinese food you bought previously) You in the kitchen naked, cooking our favourite meal, perfect! Watching a chick flick movie with us after, priceless!

For Experts:

If you are sure about your decision, the wedding proposal on that day is something she won’t forget. Even if she doesn’t want to marry you. Jewellery. Your bedroom filled with flowers and balloons or candles (balloons and candles together are not a lucky choice) Be creative! More effort you put in, more you will gain. And you will never ever hate Valentine’s Day again!

Who shouldn’t date with a girl who travels..

It’s a rainy morning in the Caribbean, not really a good time to go to the beach. So I’m surfing on the Internet and I found a very interesting article that I can not leave without words. Actually after reading it has a stronger effect on me than my morning coffee! The title is “Don’t date a girl who travels” Here you can read the whole article:

http://www.lovethesearch.com/2013/05/dont-date-girl-who-travels.html

There is another article about why you should “Always date a girl who travels” :

http://kittyandsanta.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/always-date-a-girl-who-travels/

Reading both blogs I recognised myself. A girl who travels “doesn’t work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same. She speaks her mind. She is too independent and won’t care whether you travel with her or not.” “She lives out of a suitcase and sleeps on the floor. She’s independent and strong. She will continue to show you that being here on Earth is a spontaneous blessing with jaw-dropping views around every corner. She will continue to pursue her dreams until she succeeds, she will never give up on anything she wants. “Yes, that’s ME! These words describe me perfectly.

And you shouldn’t date me for the same reasons above if you are needy, nerdy, a momma’s boy, if you are too cautious or too insecure. I’m a light bulb in the dark for those guys, they find me extremely attractive but nothing long-term could work between us. I was reading enough self-help books about relationships but at the end of the day, I had the same conclusion after each book. A woman has to be extraordinary patient, give enough room to her man, not yelling, not nagging, appreciate every small move he does but I didn’t find a book teaching a man to be more patient, not being obsessive and give enough freedom to his woman. I got enough “I help you” and “I’ll take you away from this job” offers but none of them questioned maybe this is what I want to do! It seems hard to believe that some girls in this job have more in their head than in a doll’s head in the shopping window and we can’t take that someone tells us what to do with our lives.

I love to surprise people!

Thanks for all those years of travels and experience, I’m able to keep a good conversation (with an intelligent man). And if he is not so intelligent, the game starts. Not long ago I had a customer who thought he can buy me just like he buys a bag of apple in the market. He put all his credit cards on the bar showing all his advantage (definitely that’s all he has) but I thought he fall off the chair when I told him “you have to have more to convince me to talk to you” He didn’t understand what I mean and he was pretty upset that I refused to dance to him after all. Luckily my boss wasn’t around. The guy just called me a bitch and he left. (I’m wondering sometimes why they call these places Gentleman’s Clubs..) This guy definitely doesn’t need to date me!

As my friend from Sweden told me after reading this blog that he remembers me “not only as an extremely beautiful girl but mainly as a very interesting person to have a conversation with. As a representative of the male gender, I have to claim that some of us are able to listen even when we are affected by our feelings.”I have no doubts. I just wish I could meet this type more often.

“Why geographical cures seldom work”

You made reference to “feeling trapped much like a hamster on the treadmill” I getting the impression my very dear friend is continuing her voyage on the thread mill, the difference being is that the thread mill is in different parts of the world ie my profession calls this “a geographical cure”

These words from one of my customer from Canada who became a good friend lately. He often visited me in the club and we were talking hours about psychological issues in relationships. He was a friend, a supervisor and tutor All in One. I studied psychology at the University, and I’m telling you this job is the best psychological work experience. (I specialised in working with special needs and sometimes I feel I’m in the best place to practice.)

The treadmill I meant is more complicated. The Life is a roller coaster. Ups and downs. We have to accept the rain and the sunshine. But so many people live in the fog. Their days are grey. They wake up in the morning, coffee, traffic, work, problems, traffic, home, dinner, family, more problems, bed, morning, coffee, work…. like robots. Until someone unplugs them. They read the book Power of Now, they discuss it, but they don’t change anything.

I have enough people around me that they are only complaining about their lives and even if they have every tool to change it, it’s easier to complain and wait for the miracle. They live in a fear of losing their jobs, financial insecurity and in the shadow of banks and credits. But they still want a bigger house, faster cars, and they able to queue days to get the new iPhone S64… Those people sooner or later will get a big punch from Life. I have a good example in my family how I don’t want to live my life. My dad always dreamed about travels and to see the sea. He was always dreaming about it but never done anything for that, even these days when you can go to Italy or Croatia on a low budget, he just finds excuses not to go. And it’s sad but probably he will die without fulfilling his dream.

My treadmill was in the restaurant. I woke up, get to work, then home and sleep. Next day I started again. Long working hours and no time for friends, no private life. But luckily I quickly realised it’s not what I want. So I quit. I had the power to change what I don’t like. And during travelling, I’ve been changed.

What do I gain from my travel?

Power and Self-confidence

Not physical power but mental power. I can hold myself and stand up for myself if it’s necessary. If I want something, I don’t wait for others to do it for me. I’m brave enough to do the first steps. I don’t have a rich family behind me (although my family is very supportive emotionally) so what I have, what I reached, I did it myself. I’m my own boss.

Patience and Empathy

I’ve heard so many times that I’m so quiet. Yes, because I watch and listen. That’s the way how I learn about the surroundings. And I’ve learned a lot. Now I know how to handle an arrogant (man), a drunk (man), a childish (man), a crying (MAN!), a man with money or a man with issues. And I’m learning not to judge them.

Communication skills

Actually, dancing wasn’t my first “night” job. I did hostessing in a London club where I worked only on commission. That was the way I learned English. I was always shy to speak up because I wasn’t sure and I wanted to speak correctly. So I pushed my boundaries and started that job saying if I don’t start to speak – doesn’t matter correct or not –, I will have no money to eat. I’m still alive! 🙂

And I learned how to communicate with different people from different background and/or culture.

..and lots of joyful moments!

This is my favourite! Cage diving with the Great White sharks and crocodiles, going on a safari, seeing the Niagara Falls, climb up the CN Tower and walk on the glass floor, swimming in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, Chinese Moon Festival, eating delicious local food and taste something different, palm trees and beautiful beaches, Octoberfest, bungy jumping.. and the list is not full!

I understand what my friend wanted to say with his words above. Maybe I’m a bit of adrenalin junky. And if this is my new treadmill, I will enjoy it! But I would rather call myself a free spirit and this treadmill simply Life. And for me, it definitely works!

Hello bello, Sun is yellow!

Here we are under the sun, the sky is blue, the sea is clear and 30 degrees every day! Sometimes heavy rain, but after 15 minutes the sky is clear again. We really have no reason to complain about our life here! The only problem I have, because it’s very humid, we have lots of mosquitoes and they want to eat me alive! The “jungle formula” that I brought with me and it should give me protection from them and other insect bites up to 10 hours, doesn’t help at all. The apartment is not the most modern and the cleanest I’ve ever seen, but here you don’t want to spend your time sitting at home so no needs of luxury big flat screen TV on the wall.

The funny thing that since we are here, other people try to scare the hell out of us saying “Be careful, it’s dangerous!” First, we heard that we shouldn’t go to Saint Felix to the beach, which is only 10 minutes walk from the house, because local people are living in the bush and they disturb the girls there. Well, we were there yesterday, I haven’t seen a single man who looked dangerous to us. But families with small kids and other white girls sunbathing topless, yes! Those locals are even saying a “Bon Jour” or “Ça va” to us when we walk. OK, sometimes men whistle from the car or they try to communicate, but that’s all! I don’t think we should put on them the DANGEROUS label only because they are men.. We are smart enough not to look for trouble. We won’t walk this area after dark, we won’t hitchhiking and sit into stranger’s car or behave as we are dancers (meaning wearing extremely short skirts or talk loud and get all the attention) on the streets.

The next “very” dangerous thing here is the local woman. They are jealous of blondies and jealousy can kill. Yesterday my friend put a flower into her hair and the next 2 minutes a car stopped next to us. A dark-skinned woman got off the car and she started to talk to us in French. We didn’t understand well, but she tried to explain that the flower is poisonous and she shouldn’t touch her mouth with her fingers or even better if she can wash her hands. Yeah, that woman was very dangerous! Or the way back from the supermarket with heavy bags, we took the bus. Another dark-skinned woman in the door took my bag and lift it up helping me to get on the vehicle. She was also the type of person I need to be careful with. I’m not making fun about it here, but my rules are very simple. Live and let to live. If you treat people with great respect, they have no reason to hurt you.

The next on the list is a venomous grey worm. I don’t know the name of it, but I just heard from a girl in the house that we shouldn’t leave the windows open because it comes from the trees. I personally prefer the open windows than the aircon in the room as I get sick all the time. And look the cleanliness of the house, this aircon with a dirty filter can be more harmful to my health than have a chance to see this worm in the room.

The only real danger here will be our dear colleagues. I don’t want to be against any nationality here, but I have difficulties working with French girls. At least with these here. They are the second on my anti-popularity list. Even my French friend said the girls here are nuts (maybe too much sun!) On the top of my list, I give the first place to the Romanian girls. They can be very nasty if they don’t like you. I remember when I started and I was so naïve, one of them pushed me down from the stage because I smiled at her customer.. when I’m supposed to smile for everybody. I learned fast the way how they can behave. On the third place are the Russian speaker girls (Ukraine, Latvia, Litvania, etc.) but at least they are not aggressive with me. Of course, that was some fights between us, but nothing serious. They just expect me to speak Russian, and it’s pretty annoying when somebody after 3 weeks works together still doesn’t get that I don’t understand her and she keeps talking to me in Russian.

But here, since we arrived we experienced fights every day. Between the French girls, because I don’t get into this. If any of them said something to me, I just smiled. I can not be bothered to get into fights, I don’t waste my time and energy. But the way they live is unbelievable. They don’t have respect for others at all. Not at home and not at work. The cleaning will be a problem here too. We have the bathroom in our room, and the 2 girls from the same floor use this bathroom as well. But when I do the cleaning, one of them just come to take a shower and she leaves a Lake Ontario in the middle of the room. The other one is even worse, she just puts the tampon into the toilet and she forgets to flush. YUCK! What kind of place did they grow up? At work, there is a drama class. Crying over a bottle that she needs to share with her colleague, fight with the hot hair curler and burn the other girl’s skin, too many drinks and I guess also drugs. They behave like kids. Very loud kids. My friend and I are extremely unique here, not only the hair colour but the whole personality and the reasonable behaviour. Luckily…

Heading to the Paradise

After 4 weeks of hard work in Luxembourg, I’m in a need of some rest. You think ‘oh you girls just party all night’, but this is actually a hard physical job. Wearing high heels, dancing on stage 6-8 times a night, smiling and looking pretty and drinking until you hit the floor.. 6 days a week and 8-10 hours a day. Or sometimes more.

I was absolutely excited and felt lucky when I got the chance to work in Guadeloupe in the West Indies after all. I contacted the owner of the club and I asked if there any place for 2 and he said yes. Great! I’ve never been to the Caribbean before plus I’m going there with a friend that I haven’t seen for ages but before we travelled a lot together. And the work conditions are perfect, the club is open from 11 pm to 4 am, and only 5 days a week. The owner bought us the tickets, so basically I’m going for a 5 weeks holiday (with a little work) to the Caribbean on extremely low costs. What else could I wish more? Beautiful white sandy beaches, blue sky, clear sea, 28 degrees… and SUN! Yuppie! I’ve already checked the websites where we can snorkel, sailing, sunbathing. I can’t wait!

This is the part of my job I like the most. I enjoy discovering places! I still remember when with my friend we decided to conquer the World. I met her in Greece. Her name is Giselle (yes, another VS model) I was about to leave the club when she arrived and she took my place in the room. I went to another club near Nafplio. But I wasn’t so happy in the new place, the club was okay, but the apartment! It was in the middle of nowhere, no Internet, no shop nearby, only a beach 10 meters away from the house. The first day was nice, we enjoyed the sea but when we had no food left, we asked the owner how we go to buy some stuff.

“No worries girls, you can call me any time and I will take you to the shop. Or tomorrow I will bring you a bicycle.”

I didn’t like the first option, I’m not the type who wants to be dependent on someone. I like to go to the shop when I want, not when he has time to pick me up. I didn’t like the second option either. Not because I’m lazy to ride a bicycle, but I didn’t feel it safe at all. When we were on the beach, so many cars stopped asking stupid questions or even making offers. It was quite disturbing. Can you imagine when I’m alone on a bicycle between two villages? The sea is on one side, a field is on the other side? No, I’m not taking that risk!

So after two days, I had a plan to escape. I made my luggage ready and I knocked on our neighbour’s door. It took time for someone opened the door. They didn’t speak English. I don’t speak Greek. The only word that the man understood it was “hotel” and I pointed toward my luggage. He waved with his hand and went to the backyard to the car. It was dirty inside, I guess he transported animals and hay with it. That moment I didn’t care. Just later when I was sitting in a dirty car next to a total stranger who doesn’t speak the same language, I questioned myself about my own mental states. “Am I really out of my mind?”

But the trip ended well. He took me to a hotel in the centre of the town, and he didn’t even want to charge me with the ride. The hotel was very simple but luckily not so expensive. No Internet access. I went to an Internet Cafe and I checked my flight ticket back to England. And at the same time, I sent a message to my agent, that I want to go back to the previous club or I go home. I gave her time to the next day if she doesn’t reply I go back and book the ticket. Greece is beautiful, so I planned to enjoy the rest of the day. I was walking around, climbed the hill which has 999 steps to the top, watched the sunset and I had a nice dinner. After all, I slept like a baby. Next day I took the bus to Epidavros, to the famous ancient theatre. I really enjoyed my little break without work and the sightseeing. On my way back, the agency called. She was not so happy that I just left the club without saying anything to the boss, but she said I can go back to the previous place. So I went back and I took the same room with Giselle.

She was very nice and we became friends. (No, we are not lesbians! I must say that because every guy I mentioned her had sparkles in his eyes like “really? How good friends you are?” and wink) We are more like sisters. The same way of thinking and the same interest. Same desire to travel as much as we can so we decided to travel and work together in the future. That night there was no electricity in the whole town, we got the text that the club is closed. We lit a candle and we were surfing on the Internet checking new agencies and clubs where we wish to go until the battery died on my laptop.

“Wow, there is a club in South Africa! Let’s go there, we can go on a safari!”

“OK, it sounds good. But there is another in Hong Kong! Look at the pictures! After we can go to Thailand and do a scuba dive training.”

“Let’s go to Guam! There is an army base there! 😉 “

“The work conditions are very good in Canada..”

And so on. We had lots to plan.. and we learned the Greek word Πάμε (pame) for a lifetime, meaning “let’s go!”

And then we worked in Canada together for 3 months and in the same year, we went to Cape Town. And now to the Caribbean. I’m super excited!