truth Archives - Page 3 of 4 - HeartBrokenStilettos

Is there Life after stripping?

Well, I really hope so as I’m not planning to shake my tities in my fifties. I’ve already heard a few comments like “you are too old for this”. But who decides when a stripper must quit from this lifestyle? It depends on her and only on her. I’ve seen older women – I mean much older than me – still beautiful, smiling and entertaining all night. And they still enjoy! That’s her whole life! One of my boss and owner of a strip club told me these girls need attention constantly. It’s their drugs. Without the stage, the spotlights and being in a centre of attention they are lost. I agree with him although I never had this addiction. As I spend more time in this industry, I enjoy less being on the stage and more intelligent conversations with different people.

I also heard from customers that at that age I should concentrate on my carrier in a normal day job and cooking Sunday roast to my husband and kids. This is only a stereotype. Actually, I’m very happy that I don’t have kids. For me travelling the world and teasing men it’s not expectable if you have a baby at home. I’ve seen lots of girls crying because they are away from their babies. In South Africa, I worked with a Brazilian girl who was still breastfeeding, and the baby was in Brazil. For me, this is a big NO! And I always answer to these guys, I don’t want a baby. They look at me surprisingly. But it’s true. I don’t want only a baby. I want a family. The whole package. Husband, kids, home, garden, a dog, a cat and a goldfish. I know you smile, but I still won’t be happy as a single mum with a crying baby doing night shifts.

Lots of girls are waiting for their Prince Charming to ride up in his white BMW, rescue them from the club and ensure them a secure lifestyle. (Mine got lost somewhere on his way!) They want to be taken away from this job and working for a living. They want to live in a big house with a housekeeper and a driver. But we know from fairy tales that sooner or later there will be a witch or the mean stepmother (a new lover or the ex-wife). Some of my friends found true love during working in nightclubs and I’m happy for them. They settled down in foreign countries, getting engaged or having babies. Most of all, they are happy. Ah, I know where is my Prince Charming! He has such a big heart, he sold his beautiful white horse to buy me a ring! Now he’s riding a donkey and poor animal is just so slow.

Seriously talking, after six years of being a lady of the night, I decided to step out to the daylight. I started this blog almost a year ago. I never thought but I really enjoy writing it. And checking the statistics I’m surprised that so many people follow and send me emails with lots of questions and saying “What a refreshing and interesting blog! I think a stripper who studies Japanese and know psychology should be deserving of every guy’s interest.” Last week I got an email from a university student and she asked me if I would help her writing her dissertation about lap-dance experience. I’m happy to help and also that not only men read my blog.

But my final goal is – to be honest – to write a book. I have the whole concept in my head but it takes time. So now I try to work less at night and focus on writing daytime. At least it keeps me busy and entertained until my Prince Charming arrives on his donkey.

Why are men so coward these days?

(Some big Egos for sure would love to burn me at the stake after reading this article!)

Yesterday night I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers. We started to talk about relationships generally and he said his opinion is that we live in a women’s world. The guy is a master in 3 different kinds of martial arts, not the stereotype of a mommy’s boy, so I was surprised when I heard that from a strong alfa-male type of guy. Such a convenience, earlier I was reading an article about that when the writer – a man – had the same opinion.

And dear Gentlemen, I share the same thoughts. The women are braver and more open these days and more capable to take the consequences for their own acts, for their own feelings. The men look strong and brave, but if you scratch their big Egos, you realise under the surface how emotionally unstable they are. Immature. Full of doubts and despairs. (Come on, you can throw those stones, but sorry if the shoe fits…) I give you examples. My ex after 2 years relationship just disappeared. Not giving any explanation, not answering my emails, my questions, just totally cut me off. I still don’t know exactly why. Or the guy I was seeing lately after we had an argument, just deleted me from Facebook instead of finding the solution to the problem. That was his problem-solving method. (Of course, later he sent me a friend request again, but I don’t play this game. Once you deleted me, it’s going to stay like that. Add as a friend and unfriend me and friend request again.. so childish! Oh, and he is in his forties!) And I can bring you tonnes of example from my life. Even a customer. “I will have a dance with you later. I just need to go to the toilet first.” He never came back. And the list is endless. The other girl who sat at the table was nodding her head and also brought up some examples from her life.

The question is there dear Gents: why are you not able to tell us the truth? Why is it easier to sneak out than face the problems? You have a straight opinion but you are afraid to say. One guy told me when he and his partner are having an argument, it’s always good to wait until the storm is gone. But when is no storm? When the situation is simple and not emotions are involved? Why are you not able to say out loud in a strip club that “Sorry, you’re pretty but I prefer tall (short, blonde, brunette girls with big boobies, etc. etc.)” or “I want to take your friend for a dance. Is that OK?” Of course, it’s OK! I would even say thank you for being honest and not wasting my time. (Forget about those girls who get sore and call you an idiot because they are also immature.)

And there is one thing you definitely have to think about: how you want me to respect you after I figured out you’re a coward? Are you afraid of making decisions in your private life or not able to take the consequences for your actions? You’re always pointing the other but never say “Sorry, I made a mistake?” You can not face the problems and you can’t act like a grown-up man? When you’re just being cold and keep distance instead of saying “Honey, it ain’t gonna work for us.”? Lots of guys cannot be upfront.

I’m not perfect either. I have my own mistakes (a full list of them!) But I never put my head into the sand when it comes to difficulties and I always keep my promises. And I want the same in return. Someone told me I’m a man-hater. No, I’m not. I make money out of them, how can I hate them? 🙂 End of the day they pay my rent, my bills, my travels. I don’t hate them. I just don’t always understand them. I’m also aware that there are guys who don’t fall into this category. Luckily. But I meet them rarely. And don’t tell me those guys just want to be polite! You still can reject someone on a polite way.. and you gain some respect in return. That point we also agreed with my customer but he couldn’t give me answers. I took him for a dance instead.

Dear Gentlemen, the question is there. If you feel offended or you can answer my question, please don’t hesitate to comment!

I would be happy to hear a different opinion.

In the Land of the Vikings

I chose this title because here actually funny but I’m experiencing the feminist side of Iceland. At least in the club. I’ve heard before that the feminist movements are strong here and Iceland has had the first openly lesbian prime minister.

So I’m not surprised when local customers (we have lots of tourists but they don’t ask such questions) ask me if I’m forced to do this job. It seems here in this country even harder to believe that a girl like me choose a job like dancing naked and we have nothing to do with prostitution or human trafficking. Actually in Iceland nudity is not allowed by law inside the club, we don’t have a stage for topless shows and during the private dance, I have to keep all my clothes on. It’s more of a champagne club where you buy champagne for the girls and pay for their time spent with you. But it seems the government brainwashed the people here and in public opinion, every club is a whorehouse. That was the reason why the police investigated our club in the past but found nothing. (I’ve heard that was quite a bad reputation for them and it has been in newspapers that they spent thousands of Euros from the taxpayer’s money buying champagne and private time for the girls just to find single evidence.) But some other clubs have been closed down. Here you can read more about this and the topic is currently still on:

http://thesocietypages.org/sexuality/2010/04/03/icelands-abolutionist-stance/

In fact, at work, I’m not forced to do anything or even this is the most relaxed work I’ve ever done since I dance. (I mean from the employer’s side because girls can give me a bit of a hard time.) But basically, I can do whatever I want. I worked in clubs before where I went to the changing room to eat 1(!) biscuit and the manager followed me screaming that “what the hell are you doing here? Get back to work!” Can you imagine when you work with champagne and you need to drink, they make such a big deal about it just because you’re hungry?! Obviously, I will never go back to that club. Here I’m allowed to eat whenever I’m hungry or I can leave the club to buy some food and I can just go behind the bar to make my own drinks. Even Red Bull for free! In other clubs almost impossible to have Red Bull for the dancers because it’s sooooo expensive (?) Here we have coffees, fruits and I can take anything I need. I’m saying that because I find it funny that in the country where almost every people think I’m a slave of the club, I experience the best treatment since I work as a dancer. No one telling me “go to the customer” or “get your ass up from the chair” Nobody checking me up to where I go or what I do in my spare time, and we have a driver to take us to work and go home after work for our own safety. They even take us out for dinner sometimes. So it’s really not the kind of treatment or work environment that people think we get from our boss. This explains why girls stay here longer even in quiet times when the money is not so great. And I’m smiling when I talk to someone who thinks I’m forced to be here. I almost can picture they think we all locked in the basement and forced to go to work.

I just wish more Icelanders would read this post, and maybe it could change their minds.

When money talks

I have a funny story from another day. I know some people just like to be judgemental and I should not be surprised after I’m saying I work as a dancer they give me a bad look. I can not imagine how is in the States as I’ve heard different opinions about it. Some say the dancers are treated as artists or entertainers and they have more respect. But I also heard the opposite. I think it’s just different from person to person. Here in Europe people are more conservative as they say. (Although Europe means 45 different countries and many different cultures.) But for sure I don’t like to speak up and say out loud what is my profession. Just like that day.

I arrived back from Corsica and I went to the local money shop to exchange the money I earned there. I always go to the same place. I know the exchange rates are not the best there, but my bank is on the other side of the road and I don’t like to walk around with lots of cash in my pocket.

This time the young lady behind the desk gave me a little bit of a hard time. She is from the same country as me, but I never saw here in the shop before. I had no proof of address with me and she needed to arrange a couple of phone calls to authorise the exchange. (It happened before but they were more flexible. Brits and their all-the-time afraid of money laundry, eh..)Suddenly she asked me how I got the money… I looked at her and without thinking I just said I’m a dancer. I didn’t need to explain what kind even I was wearing glasses and no makeup. She tried to be professional but her voice changed. From that moment I was just a “dancer” and she was a very important businesswoman behind her desk talking on her phone. She was superior. I found the situation kind of funny and embarrassing at the same time.

Oh well, without the proof of address I couldn’t be successful, but I promised to come back later on the same day. As I did. I went to the same window with the same lady.

“Um, what did you say how long have you worked in France?”

“4 weeks.”

“And this is the salary you’ve got for 4 weeks???”

“No. I spent quite a lot.”

Her jaw dropped. Even I think it was not a big amount of money, it is a normal salary for an average manager position in England. (I guess she was impressed by the amount in Euros and she forgot that it will be less in GBP.) But then she asked me with wondering eyes:

“Can I apply? For this, I work here for 2 months..”

I was smiling. And of course, I was satisfied! From the cold businesswoman, she turned into a nosy, kinky girl and started to ask me more questions about dancing. Luckily there was no queue behind me.

“You know I was just thinking about it these days. I feel lucky. Within a year I worked in 10 countries and 3 of them are overseas.”

“Great! And you got paid for that!!!”

I felt I was the absolute winner of this situation! I left the shop with a smile on my face. And again, I was right! Average people don’t know much details about this job. They are full of judgements, but when they have the opportunity, they have lots of questions. They want to know the dirty details. Here you can read a lot!

Let me share a story with you..

After reading it, if you previously though that all strippers are cheap and they are there only to show some skin, your opinion could be changed.

The location is in Cape Town. The club is huge with 3 levels and about 80 girls work together. But I remember this night was quiet. I mean we had customers, even an organised bachelor party but not a full house. In a dark corner that was a guy sitting alone and staring into his glass. I was looking at him for a while, and then he lifted up his head and our eyes met. He wasn’t a good looking one but it was something strange around him. I sent him a smile and I carried on the conversation with my friend. I had no intention to approach him.

After maybe 10-15 minutes he touched my shoulder. He was polite but this strange feeling didn’t want to disappear around him. And I would lie if I say I was absolutely comfortable in his presence. He asked me for a dance. That night I didn’t make good business so I said OK. In that club, the private dance is behind closed doors operated by a computer system. The time limit is very strict, if you stay a second longer, it will count you another dance, doesn’t matter if you do it or not, you have to pay the fee after both dances. I don’t remember exactly but something like the dance is 5 minutes and the girl has 1 minute to get dressed. If the door is not opened, she pays automatically for the fee of the second dance as well. (The customer pays the girl for the dance and then the girl pays the fee to the club.) Let’s say the room is 3×3 metres, and the button to open the door is a bit far from the sofa. So with that guy, I didn’t feel 100% safe when the door closed.

I started to dance against the wall, keep a bit distance before I get closer. But he asked me to stay there. It was really strange. I took off my clothes and he asked me to stay at the wall and not get close to him. “I don’t want to hurt you!” he said. “Just stay there and don’t move. I just want to look at your beautiful body.” I started to feel really weird. And then he said something and everything made sense. “I’m a soldier and I haven’t seen a woman for months. I’m afraid if you come close to me I can’t handle myself. I just want to see you.” After the second dance, he asked me to get dressed, just to sit next to him and he paid other 3 or 4 dances. We were talking. I mean he was talking and I was there to listen. He told me he just came back from the army and he couldn’t find a normal job. A way back to the normal life. That was some pretty heavy stuff in the air… “Same with a woman. Nobody wants to be with a guy who killed people!” This sentence really hit my chest. I had mixed feelings for him. I felt sorry for him but at the same time, I appreciated that he is telling me all of these. I can imagine how hard was saying out loud and share all those feelings with someone. I gave him the greatest support that I could, but I know he needed only someone to be there for him. He was literally a big, strong guy crying on my shoulder. That was one of the situations when no words needed.

After the dance, I stayed with him. He offered me a drink, but that was 30 minutes before closing and I didn’t want to drink alcohol. No commission on it anyway. But my head – and also my heart – was heavy. I was disappointed in our world not to give a second chance to someone who really wants to change. I understand him as being a stripper also not easy to find a normal job if I want to quit. But who decides what is normal?

We were talking about lighter stuff lately and the lights were switched on. The manager waved that we are finished. I said goodbye to him and wished good luck in his future. I left him. But before I entered the changing room, he came after me holding something in his hand. It was a leopard tooth that he was wearing on a necklace. He said that was the first animal he shot. “I have nothing else but I want to give you this to remember me..” And I do. I keep this necklace on my mirror so every time I look at it I remember him. As I remember the lesson I’ve learned. That sometimes how helpful not to give people advice, just to listen and let them speak. Or just holding a hand when the words don’t come easy.

So you still think we have an easy job? Sometimes in this life, we need to develop other skills than just dancing around the pole. Sometimes it’s required us to be more of a therapist than just naked women in the night. Although therapists can earn a better salary…