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Why are men so coward these days?

(Some big Egos for sure would love to burn me at the stake after reading this article!)

Yesterday night I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers. We started to talk about relationships generally and he said his opinion is that we live in a women’s world. The guy is a master in 3 different kinds of martial arts, not the stereotype of a mommy’s boy, so I was surprised when I heard that from a strong alfa-male type of guy. Such a convenience, earlier I was reading an article about that when the writer – a man – had the same opinion.

And dear Gentlemen, I share the same thoughts. The women are braver and more open these days and more capable to take the consequences for their own acts, for their own feelings. The men look strong and brave, but if you scratch their big Egos, you realise under the surface how emotionally unstable they are. Immature. Full of doubts and despairs. (Come on, you can throw those stones, but sorry if the shoe fits…) I give you examples. My ex after 2 years relationship just disappeared. Not giving any explanation, not answering my emails, my questions, just totally cut me off. I still don’t know exactly why. Or the guy I was seeing lately after we had an argument, just deleted me from Facebook instead of finding the solution to the problem. That was his problem-solving method. (Of course, later he sent me a friend request again, but I don’t play this game. Once you deleted me, it’s going to stay like that. Add as a friend and unfriend me and friend request again.. so childish! Oh, and he is in his forties!) And I can bring you tonnes of example from my life. Even a customer. “I will have a dance with you later. I just need to go to the toilet first.” He never came back. And the list is endless. The other girl who sat at the table was nodding her head and also brought up some examples from her life.

The question is there dear Gents: why are you not able to tell us the truth? Why is it easier to sneak out than face the problems? You have a straight opinion but you are afraid to say. One guy told me when he and his partner are having an argument, it’s always good to wait until the storm is gone. But when is no storm? When the situation is simple and not emotions are involved? Why are you not able to say out loud in a strip club that “Sorry, you’re pretty but I prefer tall (short, blonde, brunette girls with big boobies, etc. etc.)” or “I want to take your friend for a dance. Is that OK?” Of course, it’s OK! I would even say thank you for being honest and not wasting my time. (Forget about those girls who get sore and call you an idiot because they are also immature.)

And there is one thing you definitely have to think about: how you want me to respect you after I figured out you’re a coward? Are you afraid of making decisions in your private life or not able to take the consequences for your actions? You’re always pointing the other but never say “Sorry, I made a mistake?” You can not face the problems and you can’t act like a grown-up man? When you’re just being cold and keep distance instead of saying “Honey, it ain’t gonna work for us.”? Lots of guys cannot be upfront.

I’m not perfect either. I have my own mistakes (a full list of them!) But I never put my head into the sand when it comes to difficulties and I always keep my promises. And I want the same in return. Someone told me I’m a man-hater. No, I’m not. I make money out of them, how can I hate them? 🙂 End of the day they pay my rent, my bills, my travels. I don’t hate them. I just don’t always understand them. I’m also aware that there are guys who don’t fall into this category. Luckily. But I meet them rarely. And don’t tell me those guys just want to be polite! You still can reject someone on a polite way.. and you gain some respect in return. That point we also agreed with my customer but he couldn’t give me answers. I took him for a dance instead.

Dear Gentlemen, the question is there. If you feel offended or you can answer my question, please don’t hesitate to comment!

I would be happy to hear a different opinion.

Chasing the Midnight Sun

Let’s start this story with December last year. I’ve been here in Iceland already. I’ve heard lots of good thing about the club here and I wanted to give it a go. 2 days before my flight the agency contacted me that the club is currently not open, but the owner wants me to come anyway as they can reopen at any time. So I arrived but the club didn’t open the next day or next week either. I spent 2 weeks in Reykjavik hoping that I can work but nothing happened. Finally, I gave it up, enjoyed a few days more as a tourist here and I was heading back to the UK.

The owner was very supportive, he totally understood my situation. I can’t have a bad word about him. I told him I want to leave because it’s just not worth it to spend the money I earned in another country (and if I want to take a holiday I would rather go somewhere warm.) So he booked me the ticket back to London, he gave me money for the ticket I lost (I couldn’t just change the date on the return flight) he booked me a hotel for a night and he sent his driver to take me to the airport next morning. He was absolutely correct!

I was not so disappointed. You always take some risks when you travel. And I found Iceland an extremely beautiful country; cold, but very nice. I met a nice photographer here, we rented a car and he took me to the best places where I could take some breathtaking pictures. I went to explore Reykjavik in a snowstorm, when I got snow, rain, hail and strong wind all in one. But I didn’t mind. I visited the Icelandic Penis Museum 🙂 and the Blue Lagoon. I was disappointed only about one thing: I couldn’t see the Northern Lights as the sky was too cloudy those days. But I decided to come back here in the summer. One thing was in my head and made me think: it can’t be a bad place if some girls can wait here long weeks without work for the reopening because they want to keep their place in the club. If they leave, there is a chance that other girls will arrive and they have to wait for free places. Some clubs work with a limited number of girls because of the accommodation. They care about the girls and they don’t just throw a mattress on the floor saying “you will sleep here.”

So now here I am again. Finally, the club is open! And the country in the summer showing a different face. I landed at Keflavik airport at 23.30. Outside was still daylight. Not sun, but let’s say like a rainy day in England. The night started only around 2 am and soon after there was morning already. Friday night lots of people on the streets. It looks promising. Now I can’t wait to see how is work here! 🙂

Spirituality in travelling

I was thinking a lot about what are the advantages of travel. Besides I go to beautiful places, and it makes me a stronger, more experienced and more freedom loving person, it has other smaller but also an important advantage in my Life. Just, for example, my friends always tell me that I can pack my suitcase correctly. No unused place in it or no unnecessary stuff. And it’s true. And I’d like to believe that in other aspects of my Life I’m also that well organised.

During all these years of travels, I’ve learned how to live in a suitcase and use limited places and time. If something needs to fit in, it will. Even I have to leave other things behind. By that, I’ve learned the priority of things. The meaning of choice. It’s a very good spiritual practise indeed. How to get rid of stuff you don’t need any more – sometimes even people, – lighten up the luggage and the heart, not carry oversized or overweight packages.

I never carry things with me that I can buy in the shops where I go. It gives me flexibility. Do you know the kind of person who always buys the same brand of toothpaste? Well, this is not me. I’m not a prisoner of my habits. I can use any shampoo as long as it’s suitable for my hair type, contains fewer chemicals and not tested on animals. I can eat any food. And I can sleep anywhere. At the airport waiting for a flight connection, on a bus during a long drive, or on a not so comfortable small bed in a backpackers. I don’t need a king size bed and perfectly closed curtains to fall asleep. I’m not saying I don’t like comfort. I do love it! But I wasn’t born with the silver spoon in my mouth, and they say “Smooth seas don’t make excellent sailors.”

At work, I meet lots of different people. Kind or less kind to my heart. But when I finish my contract, and I have to leave the place, I take only good memories with me. The bad ones I try to leave behind. Anybody did anything terrible to me, I don’t want to carry the anger with me back home or to the next place. It took me a while to learn to let it go but makes my Life much more comfortable. I don’t stick to any personal things either. When I leave, I leave all those stuff behind that I don’t need anymore. I’m not going to carry a half-empty bottle of shower gel when I can buy it anywhere! Or clothes. They have no meanings for me. Of course, I pack fewer designer clothes with me, only those I take that I don’t mind to get rid of if it’s necessary to make more place for souvenirs in the bag.

And I’ve been in some challenging situations indeed. When I had to stay calm and not to panic, use my head, solve the problems as soon as possible and move on. And I was alone most of the time; I could only count on myself. Or I was lucky (and thankful) enough that somebody came into my Life in the very best moment to offer some help and I was happy to take it. I learned to trust and give credit sometimes to a total stranger. I learned to face problems and that in the end, somehow everything will be alright. I learned that all those difficult times are only challenges, and the show must go on. And it always does.

And I learned not to give up easily. Some places or people are worth to take a risk. And I learned to learn. I genuinely believe that every place I go can show me something new and I can learn something from all those people that suddenly come to my Life even at that very moment I don’t see what they are teaching me. But when I look back, I always find the answers to my questions. And I never forget being thankful for all.

So this is it. This is my spiritual practice during travelling that gives me wonderful experiences and on the way, I hope it helps to find the better me.

What is your favourite destination?

Have you seen the movie Taken?

One of my colleagues asked me this question when I told her the following story. We were working in Switzerland together and shared the same room. Probably that is the only one lap dancing club in Geneva, not the cabaret type where basically all the prostitutes work. But our club was recently visited by Albanians.

Once I worked in Salzburg. My last night I met two Albanian guys in the club, they were nice and polite and they just mentioned that the next day they travel to Vienna by car. The next day I needed to take the train to Vienna too so we agreed to meet at the train station. The deal was if they come there, they can take me by car, if they don’t, I buy the ticket. They didn’t show up so I was queuing and ready to pay for the trip myself. Suddenly one of them arrived saying sorry a thousand times for the delay but something was wrong with the car. We had a coffee at the station and they said they are waiting for one more guy. He arrived, they helped me with my suitcase, it was pretty heavy and we sat in the car. I was innocent and naïve, and absolutely happy that I don’t need to lift up heavy bags. We even had a good laugh.

After 20 minutes drive, I looked out the window. Something was strange. We should have been on the highway already, but we were still in a suburb area. I started to feel uncomfortable. The red light went on. What if these guys were lying? Am I really in trouble? Calm down, calm down… I looked every possible way to escape and that was a moment when I was even ready to jump out of the moving car if it’s necessary. My heart was beating so fast and I was sweaty.

The car slowed down and stood up in a driveway. My hand was on the handle. I was thinking to leave my bag with my passport and all my documents behind and just run. They got off the car and the third guy we were waiting for at the station, lean against my door. He was quite big and strong, I had no chance to open that door. They were talking in Albanian. In my mind, they already negotiated what price they are going to ask for me. I slowly moved toward the other door on the back seat. I was just about to reach the handle when I saw them from the corner of my eyes moving… AND shaking hands! The big guy suddenly turned and looked at me through the window, and said “Bye and good luck in Vienna!” and to the others said thank you for taking him home.

A stone fell from my heart and I could breathe again. I was laughing inside and I was ashamed at the same time. But I learned 2 lessons for a lifetime:

1. Not to judge somebody according to ethnicity, religion or skin colour.

2. I trust my instincts. But it’s more important to use my brain in certain situations.

The two guys took me to the place I needed to go, they even apologised that they couldn’t take me to the door because it was a one-way road and they had no more time to go around. And they didn’t even ask my number or anything. My story ended up in a better way than in the movie. Luckily, because my dad wouldn’t come to rescue me and kill half of the Balkan!

Let me share a story with you..

After reading it, if you previously though that all strippers are cheap and they are there only to show some skin, your opinion could be changed.

The location is in Cape Town. The club is huge with 3 levels and about 80 girls work together. But I remember this night was quiet. I mean we had customers, even an organised bachelor party but not a full house. In a dark corner that was a guy sitting alone and staring into his glass. I was looking at him for a while, and then he lifted up his head and our eyes met. He wasn’t a good looking one but it was something strange around him. I sent him a smile and I carried on the conversation with my friend. I had no intention to approach him.

After maybe 10-15 minutes he touched my shoulder. He was polite but this strange feeling didn’t want to disappear around him. And I would lie if I say I was absolutely comfortable in his presence. He asked me for a dance. That night I didn’t make good business so I said OK. In that club, the private dance is behind closed doors operated by a computer system. The time limit is very strict, if you stay a second longer, it will count you another dance, doesn’t matter if you do it or not, you have to pay the fee after both dances. I don’t remember exactly but something like the dance is 5 minutes and the girl has 1 minute to get dressed. If the door is not opened, she pays automatically for the fee of the second dance as well. (The customer pays the girl for the dance and then the girl pays the fee to the club.) Let’s say the room is 3×3 metres, and the button to open the door is a bit far from the sofa. So with that guy, I didn’t feel 100% safe when the door closed.

I started to dance against the wall, keep a bit distance before I get closer. But he asked me to stay there. It was really strange. I took off my clothes and he asked me to stay at the wall and not get close to him. “I don’t want to hurt you!” he said. “Just stay there and don’t move. I just want to look at your beautiful body.” I started to feel really weird. And then he said something and everything made sense. “I’m a soldier and I haven’t seen a woman for months. I’m afraid if you come close to me I can’t handle myself. I just want to see you.” After the second dance, he asked me to get dressed, just to sit next to him and he paid other 3 or 4 dances. We were talking. I mean he was talking and I was there to listen. He told me he just came back from the army and he couldn’t find a normal job. A way back to the normal life. That was some pretty heavy stuff in the air… “Same with a woman. Nobody wants to be with a guy who killed people!” This sentence really hit my chest. I had mixed feelings for him. I felt sorry for him but at the same time, I appreciated that he is telling me all of these. I can imagine how hard was saying out loud and share all those feelings with someone. I gave him the greatest support that I could, but I know he needed only someone to be there for him. He was literally a big, strong guy crying on my shoulder. That was one of the situations when no words needed.

After the dance, I stayed with him. He offered me a drink, but that was 30 minutes before closing and I didn’t want to drink alcohol. No commission on it anyway. But my head – and also my heart – was heavy. I was disappointed in our world not to give a second chance to someone who really wants to change. I understand him as being a stripper also not easy to find a normal job if I want to quit. But who decides what is normal?

We were talking about lighter stuff lately and the lights were switched on. The manager waved that we are finished. I said goodbye to him and wished good luck in his future. I left him. But before I entered the changing room, he came after me holding something in his hand. It was a leopard tooth that he was wearing on a necklace. He said that was the first animal he shot. “I have nothing else but I want to give you this to remember me..” And I do. I keep this necklace on my mirror so every time I look at it I remember him. As I remember the lesson I’ve learned. That sometimes how helpful not to give people advice, just to listen and let them speak. Or just holding a hand when the words don’t come easy.

So you still think we have an easy job? Sometimes in this life, we need to develop other skills than just dancing around the pole. Sometimes it’s required us to be more of a therapist than just naked women in the night. Although therapists can earn a better salary…