HeartBrokenStilettos

Sweet like sugar but not a Sugababe

It’s just another thing I have to tell. Lots of people think we, strippers are super rich! I heard so many times that “you should buy me a drink because you earn more than me!” Dear Gentlemen, I don’t. Those days when the staff of the club swiped the money off from the stage after the dancer’s performance, are over. The world has been gone through some financial crisis, don’t forget. And customers are not that generous anymore. In some clubs, I don’t earn more with dancing than an average waitress in a pub. (Here I don’t want to go deeper again that I’m doing it for the travel experiences not exactly for the money.) But all those girls they make extraordinary money, well, let’s be honest, they do extra. With “clean” work, you can be lucky only sometimes, or keep a good regular customer with intelligent conversations or charm, but that’s it.

And if you ever wonder what a stripper does with the money? I can’t talk about others, but because I work for tips sometimes, I decided to give out a part of it. I became the sponsor of a 5 years old girl in Myanmar. The money comes easy and goes easy. But if it goes, I like when it goes for a good reason. Of course, I buy shoes and other stuff too, I’m a woman and I need lots of them for work and for the modelling, but I know life is not only about these. And I believe in Karma that what you give, you will get back. It’s still such a cliche that all the strippers spend their money on drugs or they give it to their boyfriends. I worked with lots of girls that spent the money they earned on their education!

I can’t say I make a fortune with this job. But what I make is mine, I don’t depend on anybody. Of course, I was playing with the thought to find a rich guy and all my money issues would be solved, but I had to realise that I’m not that kind of woman who goes in this kind of relationship easily. I got this offer before. The guy offered me a nice apartment close to his, paying all my bills and £500 cash weekly for being his “girlfriend”. Nice, hm? The golden cage. By the way, I forgot to mention: he was fat, ugly, not so old but he became extremely arrogant when I rejected his offer. Not the type I would do anything with, and nobody can buy me, my love or respect in this way. I would rather earn less but feel free. But I also find it difficult with the guy I like. Or even more difficult. I can not just move into someone’s place with 2 suitcases and say “Here I am!” when I didn’t put a nail into the wall there. I can not feel good there. It feels like I’m only a guest, in long-term I would never be able to feel the place like my home. I would feel he’s the King of his Castle, and there is his territory, his rules, and I’m out of my comfort zone. Probably I’m too independent and just the idea to depend on someone could freeze me totally. I start to believe that I have too much (and unnecessary) pride tough.

I don’t judge the girl who is in a beneficial relationship. Maybe I will try once. But I blame the industry I live and work in. Sometimes these girls are very young and they want to live a certain kind of life without being able to afford it. Some are struggling to pay the rent but they’re saving money for a new Louis Vuitton bag. In a better case, they find someone who would be happy to buy it for them. Therefore they count on these men taking them on expensive holidays and fancy places and the idea of living like a princess becomes reality but only for short period. But what after? For these men there will be always a younger, prettier girl, they can not rely on them for a lifetime. Not anymore. It worked in the last centuries but these days when everything and everybody is replaceable so easily, I don’t trust in these relationships.

Oh well, this is the World we live in nowadays. And this is only my opinion. You can throw a stone at me but I still don’t go into a relationship based only on money. Call me old-fashioned, but – even I worked 6 years in the night – I can say I still believe in LOVE!

Welcome back in London!

Somehow back to London I always feel being lazy. Although I have lots of things to do. It’s more of an administrative break than a real holiday for me as I have to arrange the bank, doctors, payments, bills etc. not to mention to contact agencies (as I work with severe) which is the best place to go next. But besides that I love to take the time to slow down a bit when I’m home, catch up with friends and just simply enjoy life. Right now I’m sitting in a park enjoying this rare, beautiful, sunny days in England with my favourite Starbucks frappuccino. Small things can make me happy though.

This time after Japan I still need time to pull myself together, even I spent 2 weeks thereafter I quit the job. I don’t want to start the next contract being tired of people. It’s never a lucky start. But my next place will be Corsica and I’m pretty sure the sunshine and the sea will cure my little burnout syndromes very fast.

Someone asked me why I don’t work in London. Such a big city with lots of businessmen from all over the world. The question is correct. The answer: because I don’t want to. The system in London strip clubs is different than in the rest of Europe. I’m not telling you big secrets here but elsewhere in Europe, the clubs pay me to fix daily salary plus commission, while here in London the dancers pay to the clubs to work there and it depends on the location and the popularity of the club it can be £60-80 per night. And because the girls pay for the club, they want to make sure that they earn minimum that amounts back, so in some clubs, they are waiting for customers at the front door to jump on them as soon as they enter. I cannot be such a shark! It is just not my work style and this is not a relaxing environment for me.

And this funny story just came into my mind. After I came back from Greece where I worked on the summer, I was looking for some new clubs in London. I wanted to stay for a while. I found one where I started to work but on my first day one of the girls was absolutely fucked up (It was only a Monday night but she was totally drunk.) She was in the middle of the room and suddenly she showed her naked butt to everyone screaming “I’m not wearing any panties!” Such a great expression! Later she followed me to the washroom saying “You have to buy me a drink.”

“Why I have to buy you anything?”

“Because that’s a rule here, every new girl has to buy me a drink.”

(There was no free drink from the bar to the girls, you can guess why..)

“No.”

“I’m gonna smash your face!” she sounded extremely arrogant.

“You know what? Do it!”

She did not expect this answer and I just left her there. I don’t get scared that easy and she was quite drunk for a fight anyway.

Next day she was like nothing happened. But I had a problem with the manager instead. Every girl had to wear a long dress on the floor and I had this beautiful long dress with a high slit on one side. And he was arguing with me that it’s not what he wants to see in his club. Even the house mum tried to convince him that it is okay as it was really a gorgeous dress and it fit me perfectly. But he was kept saying no and I got a little pissed off after the first-day experience.

“So just let me make it clear here: if the customer can see my right ankle from the dress, it is a problem. But if I’m drunk and I show my naked ass to everyone, it’s not. Right? WTF?”

His face went red and only told me “Go, change!”

Of course, I did, and at the same time, I left the club. Next week I was sitting on a plane to Belgium.

So for me, this work and travel combo work out perfectly. It needs more organisation, but for it’s worth the time and effort. And between the contracts, I have enough time to recharge my batteries.

Spirituality in travelling

I was thinking a lot about what are the advantages of travel. Besides I go to beautiful places, and it makes me a stronger, more experienced and more freedom loving person, it has other smaller but also an important advantage in my Life. Just, for example, my friends always tell me that I can pack my suitcase correctly. No unused place in it or no unnecessary stuff. And it’s true. And I’d like to believe that in other aspects of my Life I’m also that well organised.

During all these years of travels, I’ve learned how to live in a suitcase and use limited places and time. If something needs to fit in, it will. Even I have to leave other things behind. By that, I’ve learned the priority of things. The meaning of choice. It’s a very good spiritual practise indeed. How to get rid of stuff you don’t need any more – sometimes even people, – lighten up the luggage and the heart, not carry oversized or overweight packages.

I never carry things with me that I can buy in the shops where I go. It gives me flexibility. Do you know the kind of person who always buys the same brand of toothpaste? Well, this is not me. I’m not a prisoner of my habits. I can use any shampoo as long as it’s suitable for my hair type, contains fewer chemicals and not tested on animals. I can eat any food. And I can sleep anywhere. At the airport waiting for a flight connection, on a bus during a long drive, or on a not so comfortable small bed in a backpackers. I don’t need a king size bed and perfectly closed curtains to fall asleep. I’m not saying I don’t like comfort. I do love it! But I wasn’t born with the silver spoon in my mouth, and they say “Smooth seas don’t make excellent sailors.”

At work, I meet lots of different people. Kind or less kind to my heart. But when I finish my contract, and I have to leave the place, I take only good memories with me. The bad ones I try to leave behind. Anybody did anything terrible to me, I don’t want to carry the anger with me back home or to the next place. It took me a while to learn to let it go but makes my Life much more comfortable. I don’t stick to any personal things either. When I leave, I leave all those stuff behind that I don’t need anymore. I’m not going to carry a half-empty bottle of shower gel when I can buy it anywhere! Or clothes. They have no meanings for me. Of course, I pack fewer designer clothes with me, only those I take that I don’t mind to get rid of if it’s necessary to make more place for souvenirs in the bag.

And I’ve been in some challenging situations indeed. When I had to stay calm and not to panic, use my head, solve the problems as soon as possible and move on. And I was alone most of the time; I could only count on myself. Or I was lucky (and thankful) enough that somebody came into my Life in the very best moment to offer some help and I was happy to take it. I learned to trust and give credit sometimes to a total stranger. I learned to face problems and that in the end, somehow everything will be alright. I learned that all those difficult times are only challenges, and the show must go on. And it always does.

And I learned not to give up easily. Some places or people are worth to take a risk. And I learned to learn. I genuinely believe that every place I go can show me something new and I can learn something from all those people that suddenly come to my Life even at that very moment I don’t see what they are teaching me. But when I look back, I always find the answers to my questions. And I never forget being thankful for all.

So this is it. This is my spiritual practice during travelling that gives me wonderful experiences and on the way, I hope it helps to find the better me.

What is your favourite destination?

My last days in Japan

I try to complain less about this post, but after lots of thinking, I decided to leave Japan earlier than I planned. I found the work here extremely hard and I was getting so tired. I didn’t even have the energy to post anything here, my body and brain were totally drained.

The difficulties started when I realised the Japanese guys are not so polite and respectful as I thought so. In their work life, business or when they need to represent their country, they do their best. There is no doubt that the Japanese are one of the most polite people. But at night I saw a different face of the Japanese guys. A different side of the coin. When they are drinking and reducing the stress they have at work their politeness and respect have vanished. No wonder that the first Japanese words I learned were “pervert” and “No way!” When they come to clubs, they are just like big kids that want to touch and take home everything they can. Oh well, East or West, a man is just a man.
In the first place, I have to admit my purpose is not to write anything bad about Japan. But the reason of the blog is to share my experience so I have no reason to lie. And feeling not so comfortable in this world was 50% on my behalf. When I started to write this blog, in the first post I submitted that I don’t want any more games and lies in my life. Here if I want to catch and keep a good customer, that’s the only way. To lie how much I missed him and be a part of the game he’s playing. Sorry guys, I have no energy for that! Or maybe my mind is too simple for this kind of games. Just an example, before I travelled I was reading about Japanese that they don’t say “I love you” as often as people in the west do, mainly because of cultural differences. I’m not questioning it in their private life. But at work, I heard it every night at least twice from customers!

The other reason why I got tired is physical. I have only 2 days off per months and it doesn’t matter if I sick or anything, I have to be at work on time because my Russian “Mama-san doesn’t understand that”. And lately, when she asked me to keep the rules of the club or I can change my ticket back home, I happily said: “OK then, I’m leaving..” What I can gain if I finish here is much more than a couple of hundred bucks I lose. I love money. But I know what I’m capable to do for money and what not. And my mental health is definitely in the first place! For the money, I don’t bend myself over my limits (I could do it for family or love but that’s a different story..) As someone told me by knowing me he knew it would happen because my spirit is too free for this society.
So I decided to leave. Luckily I could stay at a friend’s place a couple of days more so I finally have the time to relax and see Japan! I would have been very sad if I leave this country without seeing its beauty.

Oh Mr. Alcohol..

I must confess that I don’t like drinking that much. In my private life, I rarely drink. OK, a bottle of wine for a nice dinner or a good conversation with friends always welcome. But I don’t like the feeling when I lose the control over myself. Definitely not the big headache next day.

But I can say I only drink when I work. Not many people can say the same I guess. At work, I know my limits. And champagne and I are good friends! Not every kind because I hate the Bollinger and Moet, and I’m not a big fan of DP either. These are more acidic for me. If anybody wants to please me, Veuve Clicquot, Ruinart and Perrier-Jouet are the best choices. Girls like pink so I also prefer the rose. If you buy me champagne, I’m perfectly fine until 2 bottles. I mean I drink 2 bottles by myself and I can walk home with a clear head. I know it by experience. The problems start if we open the third bottle because I will immediately look for the solution how can I get rid of it. Especially if I have to take the responsibility myself to go home. When I worked in the London hostess club, we couldn’t drink at all. I remember once we had a meeting and before the manager finished, he turned to me saying “And you, you are not allowed to drink here any more!” Because, of course, it was easier to work when I was a little tipsy and I just started this kind of job, but I understood him lately. The club didn’t want to take responsibility for how the girls get home in the morning after work. And you can be more focused on selling and teamwork if your head is clear. So we had to change the champagne to ginger ale (with a little bit of cranberry juice if we had the rose) and everything was well organised. That was funny but we had all the small bottles of ginger ale under the sink in the ladies toilet and the dressing room. And how easy was to find a stupid reason to leave the table! I have to fix my make-up, I need my lip gloss, I have to check my phone because I wait for a message.. or just simply Sorry, I’ll be back soon. And then put a tiny little ginger ale into the glass and drink it immediately when you go back to the table. Ups, my glass is empty! Or when I couldn’t change the champagne, I just called another girl to the table. We shared the commission but we could help each other more and none of us got drunk. That was the main reason why I preferred to work as a hostess than as a dancer because with those girls we really worked in a team. Lots of dancers don’t understand what does it mean to help each other and they can go really greedy if it comes to money.

When I started this job I was new to London and didn’t understand the city. And lots of time I was in a stupid situation because of a big amount of alcohol. I remember when a guy stopped me on the Picadilly around 3 am that he will take me home. He was an unregistered taxi driver. I told him the address and I fell asleep in the car. Probably he didn’t understand what I was saying and when I woke up we were in another part of London. I realised the situation and started to scream at him. I got sober in a second! I realised how dangerous it can be. Or when I got robbed. I had to change the bus, but it took 20 minutes for the next one. So I decided to walk home saying it’s only 10 minutes away. But I was drunk and I walked literally from wall to wall in high heels. It was around 5 am but still dark. The guy ran after me, suddenly took my bag and ran away with it. Another guy saw what happened and he called the police. We went a few circles with the police car in the area but didn’t see anything after all. And we went to the police station for the papers and the other guy in the office told me:

“You were quite lucky.”

“Lucky???”

“Yes, because last week the same happened with a Russian girl, but she had a fight with the guy so she got stabbed in her back. She wasn’t.. drunk.”

I immediately understood that London can be dangerous if I don’t use my brain.

After that, I started to keep the club policy and change the champagne to ginger ale.

I was still drunk a few times but never that much. Macau was the other place where I drunk a lot, mixing the champagne with cocktails and shots. That was something! I still don’t understand how I was lucky with all the taxi drivers there and got home safely every time. In Macau, the major problem that the taxi drivers don’t speak English and they are quite rude. They can stop anywhere and just leave you on the street if you start to argue with them! But with me, they were always fine and never took me for a sightseeing tour in the morning. Or my Chinese pronunciation was good enough to understand where I want to go.. So they took me home and never wanted to overcharge me or anything. But I got lost in the building once! I was fully drunk and when I came out of the elevator, I turned in the wrong direction. I didn’t realise, I just saw the door, put the key in the hole, turned it, open the door… and in the middle of the apartment I realised it’s not mine! My first thought was that they redesign the place and brought more furniture while we were working and just after understood that I’m in the wrong place. I have no idea still how I could open the door with my key! But when I wanted to leave, I couldn’t pull out the key from the keyhole so I needed to call somebody to fix it. The little Chinese guy came with sleepy eyes (it was 4 am) and he thought I’m totally crazy! Took me a while to explain to him it’s not my apartment! I still laugh when I think of this story.

So yes. Even I work at nights, I don’t like drinking that much. And you have no idea that some girls working in clubs, they hate alcohol too!