B. Lindsay Belan, Author at HeartBrokenStilettos

Happy Moon Cake Festival, China!

“The Mid-Autumn Festival is an official harvest festival celebrated by Chinese, Taiwanese and Vietnamese people. The festival is held on the 15th day of the eighth month in the Chinese calendar during a full moon, which is in September or early October”

Last year at the same time I was there. The celebration was funny, every girl in the club had to wear a white dress while people outside were gathering together for a late night picnic or bbq watching the full moon and the whole place was decorated with colourful lanterns. Macau by night is already lit up with neon coloured lights, all together it made the entire city more vibrant than London with the Christmas lights on Oxford Street.

I really enjoyed my time I spent there, for me Macau is a special place when the gambling spirit mixes with the smell of those Chinese burning sticks. I couldn’t stop myself from taking pictures.

And the absolute favourites were the pandas:

In memory of Jimmy

Although I have to confess I didn’t know him well. We were not friends in the deeper meaning of this word. He was my manager. One of the kinds you will always remember. But for sure he was a character of the Mavericks club in Cape Town, South Africa. A lively, funny and definitely an unforgettable character. He was homosexual. I’m not saying that to label him, I’m saying because it was part of his personality. His persona if I can say that.

He was funny when he made a show on stage as a drag queen. Don’t imagine a proper show with costumes and makeup, he just randomly went on the stage when he got bored and took all the attention from customers. Every eye and every spotlight were focused on him. Or when he pretended he’s on a catwalk. My friends and I were sitting on a coach and enjoyed the show as he moved his hips sideways as models do. We were laughing at him and with him. He enjoyed our attention too. Still makes me smile when I remember how he fixed his imaginary make up in the mirror!

I didn’t like him sometimes as he always checked what the girls are wearing. He was a very honest criticism with sharp eyes – and with a sharp tongue too. (But he was right most of the time) I remember when my friend wanted to wear very sexy jeans short and he almost got a heart attack when he saw her! He sent her back to the changing room to change the outfit because jeans short are not “classy”. Or I remember when he was flirting with my customer and end of the story he gave his mobile number to him. My customer was kept telling me all night that “I can’t believe that! I came to a strip club and I got a number of a guy!” It was so funny. (Maybe my customer was also homosexual but he hasn’t realised it yet. For me, it’s a mystery how homosexual guys can spot each other, and they are right most of the time.)

Sometimes I hate my facebook. When you just want to check your notifications and on the wall, the bad news just popping up and hit you in the head. I didn’t even know he was sick. Everything happened so suddenly. A great soul has gone. Now he’s doing catwalk shows to angels in heaven and makes them smile. But he will live forever in our memories and we won’t forget him.

You will be truly missed.

Rest in peace Jimmy Diva!

The list of the clubs I’ve worked at

Another day I was thinking about the number of clubs I’ve worked. Here is the whole list:

Blue Angel, London, UK
Director’s Lodge, London, UK
Sexyland (Babel), Loutraki, Greece
Dorsia, Antwerp, Belgium
Charlie’s, London, UK
Churchills, London, UK
Goddess, Nice, France
St. Louise, Brussels, Belgium
Empire, Brussels, Belgium
Paradise, Remich, Luxembourg
Fairbanks, Toronto, Canada
Mavericks, Cape Town, South Africa
Z1, Sylt, Germany
Beverly, Vienna, Austria
Gaslight, London, UK
Valentino, Koblach, Austria
Evita, Wil, Switzerland
Six Days, St. Gallen, Switzerland,
Sensi, Geneva, Switzerland
Messalina, Stuttgart, Germany
Divino, Macau, China
Saumur Crystal Club, Luxembourg
L’extase, Guadeloupe, French Caribbean
Paradise, Yokohama, Japan
La Cave Bastiaise, Corse, France
VIP, Reykjavik, Iceland
Flirtz, Skegness, UK
Pink Paradise, Paris, France
Le Chat Noir, Pescara, Italy
Atlantic, Osnabruck, Germany
Lotus Showbar, Oslo, Norway
City Club, Brussels, Belgium
Abilux, Antwerp, Belgium
Crystal, Aarhus, Denmark
Club Glamour, Lloret de Mar, Costa Brava, Spain
Crystal club (Stage 2000) Nuremberg, Germany
Conchili, Ludwigsburg, Germany
Teatro, Wetzikon, Switzerland
Red lips, Zurich, Switzerland
Cleopatra, Stuttgart, Germany
TOP5, Singapore
Stripclub Dolls, Zaventem, Belgium
Charlie’s Angels, Brussels, Belgium
Crystal Show Club, Helsinki, Finnland
Booty Club, Trier, Germany
4Play Lounge, Budapest, Hungary
Casanova Bar, Saarlouis, Germany
Bar Babalou, Konstanz, Germany

If you have ever been to any of them, I would be happy to hear your stories!

Why are men so coward these days?

(Some big Egos for sure would love to burn me at the stake after reading this article!)

Yesterday night I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers. We started to talk about relationships generally and he said his opinion is that we live in a women’s world. The guy is a master in 3 different kinds of martial arts, not the stereotype of a mommy’s boy, so I was surprised when I heard that from a strong alfa-male type of guy. Such a convenience, earlier I was reading an article about that when the writer – a man – had the same opinion.

And dear Gentlemen, I share the same thoughts. The women are braver and more open these days and more capable to take the consequences for their own acts, for their own feelings. The men look strong and brave, but if you scratch their big Egos, you realise under the surface how emotionally unstable they are. Immature. Full of doubts and despairs. (Come on, you can throw those stones, but sorry if the shoe fits…) I give you examples. My ex after 2 years relationship just disappeared. Not giving any explanation, not answering my emails, my questions, just totally cut me off. I still don’t know exactly why. Or the guy I was seeing lately after we had an argument, just deleted me from Facebook instead of finding the solution to the problem. That was his problem-solving method. (Of course, later he sent me a friend request again, but I don’t play this game. Once you deleted me, it’s going to stay like that. Add as a friend and unfriend me and friend request again.. so childish! Oh, and he is in his forties!) And I can bring you tonnes of example from my life. Even a customer. “I will have a dance with you later. I just need to go to the toilet first.” He never came back. And the list is endless. The other girl who sat at the table was nodding her head and also brought up some examples from her life.

The question is there dear Gents: why are you not able to tell us the truth? Why is it easier to sneak out than face the problems? You have a straight opinion but you are afraid to say. One guy told me when he and his partner are having an argument, it’s always good to wait until the storm is gone. But when is no storm? When the situation is simple and not emotions are involved? Why are you not able to say out loud in a strip club that “Sorry, you’re pretty but I prefer tall (short, blonde, brunette girls with big boobies, etc. etc.)” or “I want to take your friend for a dance. Is that OK?” Of course, it’s OK! I would even say thank you for being honest and not wasting my time. (Forget about those girls who get sore and call you an idiot because they are also immature.)

And there is one thing you definitely have to think about: how you want me to respect you after I figured out you’re a coward? Are you afraid of making decisions in your private life or not able to take the consequences for your actions? You’re always pointing the other but never say “Sorry, I made a mistake?” You can not face the problems and you can’t act like a grown-up man? When you’re just being cold and keep distance instead of saying “Honey, it ain’t gonna work for us.”? Lots of guys cannot be upfront.

I’m not perfect either. I have my own mistakes (a full list of them!) But I never put my head into the sand when it comes to difficulties and I always keep my promises. And I want the same in return. Someone told me I’m a man-hater. No, I’m not. I make money out of them, how can I hate them? 🙂 End of the day they pay my rent, my bills, my travels. I don’t hate them. I just don’t always understand them. I’m also aware that there are guys who don’t fall into this category. Luckily. But I meet them rarely. And don’t tell me those guys just want to be polite! You still can reject someone on a polite way.. and you gain some respect in return. That point we also agreed with my customer but he couldn’t give me answers. I took him for a dance instead.

Dear Gentlemen, the question is there. If you feel offended or you can answer my question, please don’t hesitate to comment!

I would be happy to hear a different opinion.

I was working in Skegness on the weekend

I’m still keeping my words that I don’t really want to work in London, and I thought this time I give a chance to the British countryside instead of the busy capital. Now to be honest I feel a little bit tired to travel again so far. So I had a little conversation with myself to stay in England and try out some new clubs here. One of the British girls in Iceland recommended this club to me, then I contacted the owner, he was nice and extremely helpful so I thought I have nothing to lose. I’ve taken a bigger risk in my life to travel to other continents for work and I didn’t have any personal contact with any of the staff members from that club, only the agency. Agencies take percentage after you from the club, they, of course, want you to go there and they only tell you the nice things. To travel circa 200 km from London to try a club is really nothing to me. Plus I thought Skegness as a holiday place can be busy for the long weekend.

Afterall I’m not surprised that things are not going to be smooth. The club is open only 3 days on the weekends, in theory, it sounds perfect to me to work there and weekdays I’m back in London and I have plenty of time on my hands to finish other stuff I have to. But this bank holiday weekend was extremely boring and slow in Skegness! When I worked in the hostess club in London, the bank holiday weekends were always quiet because people travel to the countryside.. but in the countryside didn’t seem to be crowded either! Does anybody know where are the people then???

They provide accommodation but the place is not 5 stars. In my room, there is no window and it cost me £10 per day. Bloody hell! When I write here I feel like a poor French realist writing in a dark mansard room with candlelight and his only companions are the pigeons on the roof. Luckily there is a door to the rooftop and when it’s sunny I can leave that door open. I don’t think I will spend much time there though. Although when I worked in Canada, the accommodation was similar. Above the club, there were big double rooms originally, but they divided them into 2 single rooms, obviously, the windows were attached to one of them. In the inside rooms were no windows too and I stayed in one of them (for 3 months!) Can you imagine how much time I spent indoors?

And about the people in Skegness: they are – let’s say – simple. (Not in a bad way.) If they don’t want to pay you, they tell you straight. Sometimes it’s a much more appreciated way than playing a game or promising “I’ll have a dance with you later.” Do you know how many times I’ve heard that sentence? And of course in this term “later” means “never”. Actually, I’m happy not to play those mind games with them. And these guys are a little bit naïve too. They have difficulties to understand why I don’t want to work in London. They immediately start to laugh when I say I came all the way from London to Skegness to work in a strip club. “Oh, there is much more money in London!” I’m a bit of tired to explain it again and again why not.

But after all these actually, I’m considering to work in London. At least one day to try. I said so many times that I don’t want to work in London clubs because too much competition and bitchiness between the girls, but never experienced myself. It’s like how can I write about something I don’t have personal experience about? But I need to get my guts up before I go to the cage of the lions.

Until I will be chillin’ in Skegness in my windowless room.