dancer Archives - Page 2 of 4 - HeartBrokenStilettos

You CAN find a canary in this bird feeder

(Referring to those who think you can not.)

Someone told me that there is no possibility to find a canary in a bird feeder. I didn’t know what he meant by that exactly and still don’t know. Probably he was thinking that all strippers are the same and you can’t find a nice, intelligent woman working in this industry. Maybe he just hasn’t met one. Although some girls I worked with in these 8 years spent in Stripperland are very special persons. But to see this speciality, you have to dig a little bit deeper than the fancy costumes and perfume clouds around them. You have a good talk with the customer, not only jumping from table to table “Do you want a private dance? Do you want a private dance?” I’m not a canary, but not a parrot either to repeat myself a hundred times a night saying the same things. With a bottle of champagne you build up a conversation with the client and you get to know lots of interesting things about each other.

But let’s stuck to the title and allow me to be light-hearted in this post. Nothing to take seriously or personal here. But this stripper bird feeder is more colourful and varied than you might think. Not only canaries and parrots come here to get some seeds. We also have some sparrow: she’s the beginner and she has very little idea about the work. She’s shy and usually not flashy with clothes and makeup. Sometimes she looks like a female customer in the club. Average and ordinary. And just like the sparrow, she feels better and safer in other’s company. BUT sometimes these girl has bigger success with customers than the one who works in clubs for years! Because she is fresh, innocent and naive.

We also have peacocks. Just like the male peacock, she has a colourful shiny or neon colour costume that you can spot from any corner of the room. Huge hair extension and extra long eyelashes. But in the morning in the changing room when she takes off all the artificial accessories, she looks like nothing but a huge chicken. Just like the male peacock when he’s losing his tailfeathers. Seriously, I met girls that I didn’t recognise after work without all her trimming!

What else we have.. we have Skylark. She has a sweet voice and she can chirp to your ears until you pay her a private dance. I’ve already mentioned the parrot. She’s the cool and funny one, even can make some tricks. You can teach her words, she will repeat what you said to her. But be careful, just like a parrot, often to others. And we often have crow sitting in a black dress at the bar. She is usually an older dancer who’s not happy with her job (nor with herself). When I’m new in the club, she is the first flying to me and telling how s*** is this club and I won’t make money there because of that and that reasons because she had that and that problem with this club and her list is endless. She really enjoys croaking bad omens. I don’t like this type of girls. Just because she is not happy in the current club, she tries to make me unhappy too and telling me how I can’t make money there when I haven’t worked there only a few hours. Let me see it myself!

I often meet magpie in clubs. About them, I have lots of stories! When something disappears from the apartment or the changing room and nobody has seen anything. In one club a girl took all the other dancer’s money from the apartment and she flew away the next morning. And just like the magpie, they prefer shiny things: pieces of jewellery, money, or your favourite costume. They can make the work very unpleasure, it doesn’t matter how careful you are, it’s always a risk that there is one amongst us.

My favourites are the lovebirds. They fall in love with a customer and stay in one place or settle down. I’ve seen an example of that too. Some quit dancing and have a family by now. And I’m happy if they found their happiness.

And if you ask what type of bird could I be in this bird feeder, I would say I’m a crane. I’m just sitting at the bar and keep my eyes on the water. If I have eye contact or a smile with a customer, that’s a deadly catch. With this strategy, I do mistakes rarely. But the management doesn’t understand and they want to kick my ass all the time because I don’t work. I do but in a less visible way. In this way, I don’t waste my time and I get less rejection. But they prefer the parrot girls who fly to every customer’s shoulder “Do you want a dance?”

So you can see how varied this bird feeder is. Not to mention the fact that some birds are just guests in it as they are flying away to other destinations when the winter (or summer) comes. We don’t stay long in one place if the food is gone, we just spread our wings and you might never see us again. So when you spot a special species in your nearest bird feeder, take a chance to talk to her!

Why I prefer to work with men

I definitely prefer a male manager or boss over a woman. I work with other girls and indeed we are not always nice to each other, a woman who has power over the dancers can be more harmful than our nastiest colleague. Especially the ones who were dancers themselves before and now they feel superior because now they work behind the bar. Hallelujah! Such a big step on a career ladder! I had a quite bad experience in Oslo with the girl who works at the bar. I’m really not an ass-kissing person and she has had her favourite girls already, so I didn’t even try to be nicer to her than it’s required for a harmonious work relationship. But once we went down to the VIP area with my customer, and he took off his jacket and looked around if there is any hanger or something for the coat. I dared to ask the girl if we have any.

“No, but we have enough coach where he can put it… as you can see.” with an absolute hater in her voice just because I had this innocent question. How nice!

“I wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t looking for one…”

Needless to say, that put a stamp on our further collaboration. I got drunk later that night and I absolutely cannot be controlled under the influence of alcohol, so she sent me back to the changing room when I just wanted to say goodbye to the guy. (He stayed 10 more days in Oslo and I wanted to make sure he would come back as it’s my money end of the day) But she didn’t let me do for whatever reason. I went furious, I was screaming at her. She told me she won’t help me in the future any more and I remember yelling at her: “I don’t need your help! I just need you to be correct with me as you are with the others!” And I really meant it, drunk or not. I don’t need any special treatment but it pulls the trigger when somebody is not correct or rude when I didn’t give a reason. I’m working with alcohol and it can’t be possible to get rid of the full bottles and if I’m drunk I’m more emotional, but a manager has to be cold-headed and tolerate it more not to respond to it in a bitchy way.

Even worst when the manager is a woman and she’s drunk or doesn’t have a clear mind. Once I had an argument with my manager in one club in London, and she went on fire! I wanted to quit from the argument but she followed me where ever I went screaming behind my back. “You think everyone is the boss’s slut here?!” I tried to ignore her as this is the best way you can do but she got more and more furious. Things came to her mind – and on her tongue – that doesn’t make sense. She twisted everything I’ve ever told her and used it against me. Things like I think the other manager is a lesbian and I was in love with one of the guys from the club and so on. She went back behind the bar and continued screaming at me – at that point I was just laughing at her inside – trying to humiliate me but it was a backfire. All the girls and customers looked at her like an evil witch who lost control over herself. The situation got really nasty and I had to call the male manager who worked in another club to stop her. I tried to be calm as much as I could, but enough is enough!

Or the worst ever when the boss’s girlfriend works behind the bar. God save our souls! It happened in Brussels. Literally, that woman threw the cigarette towards me when I stood close to her. And in the beginning, I thought she’s nice.. OK, every time the girls asked for a drink from the bar, she gave us only half glass while her male colleague gave us a normal adult size drink. She even saved the water, never filled up the glass properly. But that’s OK. You don’t take it as offensive. But that woman literally hated the girls. We could feel it. Well, if someone is not trying to climb on her boyfriend’s back, maybe she would have more confidence and bigger self-esteem, and she could be happier with her life. (Just a thought.) But she’s trying to hold her position too tight (both in the club and in her boyfriend’s bed). Not unusual from a woman. But if the boss can’t control her lover/girlfriend working behind the bar, give her a scold’s bridle not to ruin the atmosphere!

Although I worked with men that have a very hectic and unbalance emotional statement, usually men are more direct and better problem solvers. And in this business trouble can happen any night. I remember when I got fired from a club in Switzerland. The woman there was also not too nice, but I’ve heard stories about the owner that how rude he can be the girls. There, I really didn’t work well so he called me in his office and gave me 1 more week notice before he wanted to fire me. And I told him “I don’t need that 1 week, I can tell you right now that I’m not happy in your club and I won’t make better business to you in that week, so better not to waste our time.” I was correct and honest and guess what? He let me stay in the club’s apartment free of charge (because I didn’t make money) until I find something else. Such a big difference in dealing with problems, isn’t it?

Workplace hazards in the stripping industry

I don’t want to mention again the alcohol-human stupidity combination here, I wrote enough about this one. But there are other hazards there, some you might not think about that can cause an issue. For example the ability of smoking inside the club. Yes, there are clubs in Europe where people can smoke. Smoker dancers are very happy about it. But what about the non-smokers? It happened not only once when the club was busy and the stage is higher than the tables, but I was also in tears during my performance because of the too much smoke inside. I mean the smoke of the cigarette, not complaining about the smoke machine! I remember after the Dorsia in Antwerp I got home, opened my suitcase and it smelled like an ashtray! All my clothes took the smell of cigarettes. There the Fridays-Saturdays were killer. The club worked with a full house on the weekends, once I even lost my voice because of the smoke. Too loud music also has good benefits for health.

I also like the high heels-unsafe stairs/stage combo. In Brussels, it was nothing around the stage that you can grab if you lose your balance. We girls gave a helping hand to each other to go on stage. The girl who finished the performance stayed on the stage until the next girl arrived and she helped her to come down. When her feet touched the floor, she gave her hand to help the other to go up. There were only 3 stairs but could be dangerous wearing the high platform dancer shoes. I don’t know who designs the interior of strip clubs, but he must pay extra attention to girls who walk on those stairs with 8-inch stilettos.

But my top favourite is the air conditioning. We often fight with a member of the management to switch it off when there are no customers. If you only sit in one place all night wearing lingerie or a sexy nightie and you don’t dance, you could feel extremely cold and it goes to the bones. After all the muscles are cold, it can be dangerous just go on stage and jump on the pole without warming up. I understand the necessity of the air conditioner when it’s busy. I don’t want to work in a sauna either. But when we have only 2 customers? And the management doesn’t want to understand that (of course, they wear proper clothes!) Again in Brussels, I had to take a girl to the hospital with some serious kidney infection because we were sitting under the cold air. I don’t feel good about myself. But it was so useless to tell them we were cold. In some clubs, the manager doesn’t even pick up the phone because I don’t have a local sim card. In Norway, I just wanted to ask for a day off but nobody answered my messages. I had to call my agent who called them and finally they give it to me. But what if it is an emergency? I get lost in the morning on my way back home or worst, I have an accident? Who is there to call?? He didn’t pick up or answer my message because I sent him a text from my English number. (They work with international girls, they knew I live in England and I wrote my name in the text so it doesn’t really make sense to me. I was wondering how many Lindsay does work in their club?) And sometimes even the apartment is cold. Like in Luxembourg, I was lucky that one girl left me an electronic heater because the windows were not properly closed at wintertime.

And I also have to mention one thing: why a dancer carries a small towel or a scarf with herself. Like me, I have sensitive skin and I don’t want to sit anywhere. They don’t clean the seats properly and sometimes better not to think about what was on it previously. In other places, like it was in Canada, the club gave us a small scarf to put on the customer’s lap before we start to dance. First I didn’t understand but on my first night when I saw some guys coming from a construction site to a strip club, I immediately started to use. And it’s good protection for infections. Seriously that club was disgusting, sometimes I took a customer to the private and first I had to look around not to sit him on used condoms. (I will tell in another post what was all about.) But there it would be very easy to catch something.

Well, yes, our life is not only full of glitters and shines.

When I’m ashamed being Hungarian

I said enough bad things about women with other nationality, it’s time to write about my own nation’s girls. Just because I got fired from the Brussels club because of them. I’m fully aware it can not be a stereotype because in every nation you can find horrible or extremely nice girls, but this club in Brussels have the selection of the most vulgar, terrible (Hungarian) dancers I’ve ever worked with! If I said anything bad about Romanians or Russians in this blog, they were innocent angels compare to them. Literally, I got shocked by the way they behaved. For sure there are certain situations when I’m not proud to be Hungarian.

But let’s start at the beginning. When I arrived, it was OK, the girls were nice, the apartment was not crowded. But those girls already complained that when they arrived it was such a mess and they had to clean everything. One of them even told me she can’t imagine what kind of girls were there before them, who left the apartment so dirty. They collected maybe 6 or 7 bags of rubbish from a 3 bedroom flat. I saw it with my own eyes. One week later I was lucky(?) enough to find out.

The 3 girls arrived. The typical dancers that you see on the street and you know exactly what is their job. The common Hungarian swear “bazd meg” is a lullaby from their mouth. The “gecis fasz” was their every second word. (If you’d like to know what does it mean, use Google, I won’t translate it here.) And there was a huge difference in the work style as well if we can call it to work what they do. They had just a big party, no rules, no responsibilities. They got drunk, made a lesbian show on stage, all for free. That’s still OK. But one of them was drinking the pure vodka from the bottle in the changing room, then a customer bought her one (only one!) bottle of champagne, and she got so drunk and fell from the stage. Customers could do anything with her, she was even kissing with anybody on the floor. She was so drunk that fell asleep on a customer’s shoulder. Another night she went to the toilet and the customer followed her. I don’t want to know what she’s offering in private but it must be a good reason why she was popular amongst the customers. I heard myself when she told her friend “You will hate me now but I did more in the private.” And that was a rumour that one friend of the boss had sex with her upstairs. I won’t be surprised if it’s not only a rumour.. (or not only one friend)

The other one was even drunker. When they got home she was vomiting under the kitchen table and the top of that she peed herself. Such a classy woman! She just told us the previous day that she’s a princess of the club! And the next day at 11am she was drinking again. Not to mention the drugs they take, I swear some of the Hungarian girls could have a job in any pharmacy because they exactly know what to take to feel better. And the boss prefers these girls over the “normal ones”, he fired 3 of us on the same week. Because we don’t work well. I have nothing to be sad about, if it’s a required behaviour in this club, I don’t want to work there either. And if it’s good for him getting angry every morning because there is a fight between the girls or they are so loud and he can’t concentrate on the payments, he deserves it. I don’t feel sorry for him. But I have a feeling that his girlfriend (the manager) stands behind all who can’t stand the girls who have some class. Obviously, those vulgar girls never will be a competition for her and she wants to keep her status quo in the club by getting rid of the well-behaved ones. But this is only my opinion. I just find it strange that they said I don’t work well when I made pretty much the same amount of money with clean work than those crazy ones. And I never made any trouble to them.

But for me, the most shocking was when the boss hired 3 cleaners to clean the apartment. He brought them and he couldn’t even look into my eyes when I opened the door for them. (I was already fired but could stay in the apartment 2 more days, whatever.) Later one of the cleaners said something to the girls about why they can’t clean up after themselves and one of them wanted to beat her with some wooden stick she found in the living room. She was complaining to me when she came to my room to clean. The poor woman has to clean up all the disgusting mess of what they made and she almost was beaten! Seriously, where the hell did the agency find those girls???

Laura’s research into lapdance experienses 3.

“Do you see your work as a type of acting? (like an actress going onto a stage and performing a certain identity, pretending to be a different person)”

“Why do you chose to use a different name to your actual name? Is your stage name may be part of a different part of your identity that you act?”

Most of the burlesque classes start with the lesson of how to build up your persona. In strip clubs, there is no such a class, but it all starts with choosing your dancer name. I used to work using the short form of my real name, but in non-English speaker countries, it doesn’t sound sexy at all. Girls choose a dancer name to hide their real identity. Before you ask yourself, no, it’s not my real name. And I’m not named after Lindsay Lohan. I’m less trouble than she is. 🙂 But it has been told I look like the Victoria’s Secret model Lindsay Ellingson (I used to be blonde that time) and I’m proud of having that name. When one of my managers told me I will be called Lindsay, I immediately felt confident with this name, and since then I use it everywhere I go. It’s easy because not so common. If I choose a name like Maria, I could be asked in every club to change it because there is a Maria already there. When they make our weekly rota or the payments documents, they use only the dancer name. Can you imagine it if is more than one Lindsay there? Or when the DJ call the next girl to the stage in the mike? They don’t even like when there are lots of similar names like Nelly, Kelly, Sally, Terry for the same reason.

But with Lindsay, I always have lots of fun as no one can write it down properly. When I see a Lizi or Lindi on the rota I smile and I know it’s me. In some countries, I can’t use it. In Japanese, it’s difficult to pronounce as they don’t have the letter “L” and they would call me Rindsay. So Mama-san gave me a name and I was Chanel. Not sure if it was better than Rindsay.

“Hello, I’m Chanel.”

“Hi Chanel, I’m Cartier.” or “Hello, I’m Hugo. Hugo Boss.”

I hated it!

But some girls having fun to change their names in every club. My friend Giselle used maybe 4 or 5 names during our work period together. And then I had to be cautious about which name should I call her in the recent club or front of the recent customer. She didn’t make it easy for me.

Talking about the persona or a different personality when I work, I don’t know. For me, there is not such a big difference. But maybe I’m just too honest and I don’t want to wear a mask at work. For me actually is the opposite. During this job, I learned a lot about myself and I became more ME than to develop a persona and play a role. I feel very lucky that I’m not one of the girls who are able to work only under the influence of drugs or alcohol. That changes the personality a lot. Sometimes I wonder about girls that they so quiet in the apartment and at work, they are totally behaving like superstars. Sometimes I make a joke that maybe I need to take the same drug to feel more confident and be more effective at work. but it’s only a matter of time when the effect is gone – together with their self-confidence.

So for me after several years spent in this business, there is a very thin line between my work personality and my real one. I don’t want to act at work and play a persona which is not me just to make more money and please the customer. (Here I’m not talking about being smiley and bubbly and funny. I can be that naturally without acting. And I also know every customer is different so I need to adopt different behaviour to work with them. I just don’t have a role at work to play.) It works like a filter. If they want a girl with certain behaviour, they don’t choose me and I can happily work with the customer who appreciates my personality without wearing a mask. But at the same time, my work has affected my personality and thanks for all those years of experiences and situations, I became a stronger person in my private life.