friendship Archives - Page 2 of 3 - HeartBrokenStilettos

To my dear A.,

I’m writing here in an open letter to say thank you for your wonderful friendship. We are in a different part of the World, our paths are not crossing often, but you are always in my heart. I’d like to say a big thank you for all your support, either way, it was financial or emotional. There were hard and difficult times in my Life and I will never forget that you gave me a helping hand to get over with. I also say thank you for all your advice. I’m a bit stubborn sometimes to listen to anybody else but myself and I apologise if I did not follow them. But often they showed me the path I need to start to walk on and move forward.

You were with me almost from the beginning since I work in the night. You’ve seen me happy and sad, angry and disappointed, sometimes drunk. Thank you for listening to all my complains about other girls, my bosses and my crazy stories about stupid situations.

I’m saying thank you again for all your presents. For the chocolates and perfumes, little jewellery every time we met. Even the little things make a big difference. We were not in a romantic relationship, but you always paid attention to make me feel special. Thank you for being so generous to me all the time.

And thank you for the best birthday present I’ve ever got in my life! Since I started to travel, the camera is always with me. You helped me to take all those beautiful pictures I took on my trips. You made it all possible for me. It’s like a part of you always with me when I climb a rock or wait for the sunset. I ensure you I use that camera at my very best knowledge.

I write this letter because since I started this blog, I have lots of old memories coming up. And you were my best customer ever who became a friend. And I’m writing you this letter here because I want to show to others that we strippers not only golddiggers. We can say thank you and we mean it when you treat us as a woman, not like a piece of meat. We also can appreciate the money that the guys spend on us. And the friendship between a dancer and her customer does exist!

Dear A., your friendship always means a lot to me!

Wish you all the best in Life and God bless you!

Lots of love,

Lindsay

In memory of Jimmy

Although I have to confess I didn’t know him well. We were not friends in the deeper meaning of this word. He was my manager. One of the kinds you will always remember. But for sure he was a character of the Mavericks club in Cape Town, South Africa. A lively, funny and definitely an unforgettable character. He was homosexual. I’m not saying that to label him, I’m saying because it was part of his personality. His persona if I can say that.

He was funny when he made a show on stage as a drag queen. Don’t imagine a proper show with costumes and makeup, he just randomly went on the stage when he got bored and took all the attention from customers. Every eye and every spotlight were focused on him. Or when he pretended he’s on a catwalk. My friends and I were sitting on a coach and enjoyed the show as he moved his hips sideways as models do. We were laughing at him and with him. He enjoyed our attention too. Still makes me smile when I remember how he fixed his imaginary make up in the mirror!

I didn’t like him sometimes as he always checked what the girls are wearing. He was a very honest criticism with sharp eyes – and with a sharp tongue too. (But he was right most of the time) I remember when my friend wanted to wear very sexy jeans short and he almost got a heart attack when he saw her! He sent her back to the changing room to change the outfit because jeans short are not “classy”. Or I remember when he was flirting with my customer and end of the story he gave his mobile number to him. My customer was kept telling me all night that “I can’t believe that! I came to a strip club and I got a number of a guy!” It was so funny. (Maybe my customer was also homosexual but he hasn’t realised it yet. For me, it’s a mystery how homosexual guys can spot each other, and they are right most of the time.)

Sometimes I hate my facebook. When you just want to check your notifications and on the wall, the bad news just popping up and hit you in the head. I didn’t even know he was sick. Everything happened so suddenly. A great soul has gone. Now he’s doing catwalk shows to angels in heaven and makes them smile. But he will live forever in our memories and we won’t forget him.

You will be truly missed.

Rest in peace Jimmy Diva!

My Big Sister

There is a Big Brother show again in the UK on Channel 5. Usually, I don’t care about reality shows but this time I know a person who went into the house. The loudmouth Biannca as the Daily Star called her. And she made quite a big scene when she was voted out: she left the house topless!

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/tv/big-brother/389843/Big-Brother-evictee-Biannca-on-house-stripping

I was smiling when I read the article about it because it’s really her! She was truly herself on TV, she showed her real face to the cameras. I remember when she first came to the club where I worked in Mayfair, London. Eventually, her name in the club was also London that I found a bit awkward but she always made a joke about it. She came with a very pretty friend of hers and they just started to get familiar with this kind of business. As I mentioned earlier, in London I worked in an old style hostess club (or champagne club if you prefer to call it so) where were no stage shows. Our task was entertaining the customers and selling champagne with clothes on. We had 2 or 3 dancers who made a fully nude strip, but it was no pressure on other girls to do it so. Oh boy, I really miss those times!!! I made money on an easy way having lots of laugh and fun not like now sometimes with so much hustle on.

Biannca’s friend very soon left but she stayed in the club longer. It was about 6 years ago. I also remember her talking about her girl band, modelling and that she wanted to go to the BB already that time. She was always open-minded, straightforward – maybe a little naïve – but definitely not a mishy mashy double-faced Essex girl. I always had a good laugh with her. And day by day she felt more confident in the club, she started to do striptease soon. After our ways were separated, I knew she was dancing in Marbella and she stayed there quite long, but it was never my intention to work there.

And now she made it into the BB house. Even she left after a few days I’m happy for her. And I’m happy that she freely talks about her past being a stripper and webcam girl and she doesn’t care about social stigmas. I know lots of girls – even myself in some situations – that would just zip up the mouth and deny all. But she’s only doing what she always wanted to do: having lots of fun! And not the flashing boobies make others critical and bad-mouthed about her but the way she’s being truly herself.

Visiting Hong Kong

There is no way that once I’m working in Macau and I don’t go to HK! Macau is also a small place and I visited all the sightseeing spots I wanted. I can not count how many small Chinese temples I’ve been there! And I went everywhere alone. I only took my camera with me. Even I climbed up to the lighthouse in the pouring rain because the cable car to the top didn’t work. But it was worth it, the view of the city was amazing from there! Even in the rain.

So I decided to go to HK as well alone. I checked some site before about the transport and the timetable of the ferries. I planned to go around noon, sightseeing and then watch the Symphony of Lights laser show at the Victoria harbour and after come back to Macau. But no strict program.

I arrived at the HK-Macau ferry terminal. I went outside. I had no clue which bus should I take. In HK when you don’t know the places or you don’t have known where you are it can be difficult. I only knew that first I want to go to Lantau Island to the Buddhist monastery. The timetables of the buses looked strange there at first sight.

In Macau, I’ve learned how to use them, but even my Chinese manager was impressed because he said it’s complicated. Well, it was not so complicated for me.

I hesitated a bit but finally, I took a taxi instead of the bus. I didn’t have much time to waste on figuring out which bus goes where. So I arrived at the cable car to the monastery early afternoon. The queue was huge to get on! But once I’m there I will take it even I have no more time to see other things. Here is the biggest Buddha statue on Earth which looked nice in the pictures. While I was queueing I couldn’t decide to pay for the guided tour or just go individually. The guided tour contains a tour of the fishing village nearby. I was thinking pros and contras, what I have time for, but when I went to the counter I just paid for the tour.

I didn’t pay much attention to what the tour guide said. I was alone with my thoughts and with my camera. I quite enjoyed being alone that day. End of the tour the group had a Chinese kinda afternoon tea. Two guys came to sit at my table. When we’ve got the drinks I wanted to be polite so I said Cheers! to them. We started to talk. They were from the Czech Republic. One is working in Macau but staying in a hotel in HK, and the other guy was his brother just for a visit. They told me later they have a drink in the harbour, they also want to watch the laser show and they also come to Macau after. If I want I can join them. Of course, I wanted! As more as merrier! They know how to use public transport as they are more familiar with the place! We took the subway and the guy didn’t even let me pay for the tickets. He gave me his Octopus card to use and he paid for his own tickets. How nice! Later we had a little bit of trouble to find the place where they wanted to go. To find the right taxi there is crazy! We were on Kowloon island and all the taxis we found didn’t want to go HK island saying they don’t know the place. (In my opinion, they were just lazy to took us there.) So we decided to go to another bar with a view of the harbour. One more guy joined us later. And of course, we watched the show and we had a few drinks. I started with mojitos, but I was with Czech guys, so it’s a must to drink beer with them. And it was a nice evening, not hot but not chilly at all, it was nice to have a few beers on the terrasse. I was there with 3 total strangers having fun. I even told them openly that I’m dancing in Macau. It was the case when you can show your true yourself because their opinion didn’t count as much. Probably you won’t see them again.

So we had drinks and then they started to order food, we basically tried everything from the starter menu as it was a bit late and the kitchen didn’t take big orders. Drinks, food, more drinks, more food, drinks again.. and they didn’t let me pay even one round. And we had a good laugh.

It was quite late so we went to the ferry. None of us had a ticket. The guys went to the counter and they came back with 3 tickets. Business class! I didn’t want to accept it but they didn’t take the money from me. On the ferry home, we didn’t talk a lot but very soon we were sleeping on each other shoulders.

So that was my short story when I went to HK alone and came back with 2 friends. It was after midnight when we arrived and they wanted me to get home safe. Even their hotel was not in my area, they caught a taxi and they took me home first and then went to the hotel. And before you ask, there was not a single offer or anything behind. The guy who paid everything even told me he’s happily married and he doesn’t go to strip clubs. But he was more interested in how it works. Why we choose this life? Is it only the money or there is another reason? How we apply to the club? Accommodation? I think that was the first moment when I had a clear idea about writing a blog. Lots of people who are not involved in this business can not imagine all these. And they don’t meet often a girl who doesn’t keep it a secret and who is able to speak about it freely. Myself, I’m still learning not to judge people. As also learning to care less about being judged by someone. And these friendly random strangers were a good example that I don’t need to feel ashamed and to lie about my work and the way I chose to live.

Bitches vs. Doormats

If you want to call me a bitch you’re allowed to. If you think I’m strong, I don’t let a man think he has a hold on me if you think I can stand up for myself and I don’t chase a man, you’re right. In that case, if every strong woman is a bitch, you can call me one. Because I know what I want, I do not compromise and I’m still very feminine on the surface. And being called a bitch is still better than being called a doormat.

I have a very good example of the latter. Some girls are incredible desperate having a relationship and they even try to convince themselves that their relationships work and it’s good for them. The fears come from different backgrounds, not having enough self-esteem, they need control from the outside, they think someone can make them happy rather than make themselves happy, etc. Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves. And they give too much in their relationships. I mean way TOO much! A friend of mine once has been called out for dinner at 11 pm! In the rain. And she happily put some make-up and shoes on and left the house. There is no guy in the entire Universe that can call me out after 8 pm for a date! Where is the self-respect here?

I don’t want to analyse the whole thing from the guy’s side and I don’t want to judge him either. But at some point, I’d like to hear his opinion. My problem is my friend. To see her in a relationship waiting. Waiting for his phone calls, waiting to see him, waiting that the guy wants to settle down, waiting when he decides to move in together, waiting, just waiting. That’s the worst thing that a woman can do in her early thirties. Waiting and wasting her best years because she’s living in a dream. She sees what she wants to see. As they say: The eyes are useless when the mind is blind. And she loves to give advice to others about their dates or relationships what really started to piss me off lately. I don’t know how long I’m able to shut my mouth.

In my opinion, men are hunters. They are more turned on by a powerful woman because it’s a trill to them to take her down. A high-calibre guy wants a self-respecting woman who has an appetite for her own Life and won’t let someone walk all over her. That’s why even my friend calls me a bitch. Not to face to face, of course! For example, she never understood how I’m able to accept gifts from my dates. Because I simply deserve it! (And she doesn’t even know that that was kinda training for me to accept any presents or help from a man who is not my partner. Sometimes my pride was bigger than the desire to have that gift.) She calls me a bitch because in her opinion it’s not possible if I don’t treat them right sexually. She doesn’t know how to accept something, only to give. She never learnt to keep the balance between giving and accepting. That you shouldn’t give more than you get back in return. She never understood these things but she easily judges others. She has a normal life, a normal job. She never worked in the night. She knew when I worked in London as a hostess, living together was not easy to lie about it and I didn’t even want. She knows that I’m doing the same in different countries now, I never mentioned her when I started to dance. I didn’t see the point. But with all these travels, all the new experiences, with new people around me, she sees that I’m happy and easily succeed in my goal.

She is a nice girl. TOO nice! But in a relationship, she’s not able to stand up for herself and for her own needs. And“when a nice girl needs a man too much and puts him on a pedestal, she treats him with a view of himself that even he doesn’t hold. And it makes him uncomfortable because he knows (better than anyone) that he ain’t no a white knight.” (Sherry Argov: Why Men Love Bitches)

I don’t know what is going to happen next. Probably they will struggle together for more years and make each other unhappy. Both have no strength to quit. But this is an unhealthy situation. I just hope soon they will be able to solve it in one way or another. But meanwhile, I’m happy bitching around.