friendship Archives - Page 3 of 3 - HeartBrokenStilettos

A few clouds on the Caribbean sky

Well, it seems not even this beautiful blue sky can be flawless. My last week in Guadeloupe held some hard time for me as I’ve got a big lesson in friendship. My friend I came with fell in love with a guy here. I should be happy for them. Actually, I am. But for her was always a difficult part to keep the balance to spend some time with me during travels or with the actual summer lover. Yes, it happened before. When a new possible Mr Right shows up on the horizon, she forgot about others. But maybe previously I was less sensitive about it and I lived with other girls I liked and I could have fun with them while she was away. This time we were depending on each other more. This time I spent my last days off alone thanks to her. (Alone is not fun to go to the beach here when after 15 minutes sunbathing a total stranger find you and talking to you for half an hour, doesn’t matter you pay attention to him or not) And when I got an invitation to a party she told me she wouldn’t come with me but she doesn’t want me to go either because she doesn’t want to worry about me?! PFFFF! Is it really me having extraordinary expectations from others? But I know what I would have done in this situation without hurting anybody. I’ve been in love before but I was always there when someone needed me and never showed my back to a friend. Sometimes I feel I’m losing faith in people.

So yes, it was a very good lesson not to give credit to someone who doesn’t deserve it. And I really should stop caring about those people too. Like now, I was arranging a work contract in New Zealand for both of us from September while she was away having fun. OK, I have to stop complaining too and focus on good things that could happen in my last days here. And I’ve already learned not to keep these people in my Life. If someone wants to go I even help her/him to find the door… I don’t need them anymore.

This is also part of a stripper’s Life. Especially for those who travel a lot. We make friendship with the other girls but these friendships rarely last long. Actually, I was lucky with Giselle because we were never been jealous of each other. Most of the time that is the case. I heard lots of stories that two friends started to work together and very soon they had a big fight because one of them was more successful at work and actually they became enemies. And girls in clubs come and go. Never permanent, never the same. And I learned quickly that I can count only on myself.

“Why geographical cures seldom work”

You made reference to “feeling trapped much like a hamster on the treadmill” I getting the impression my very dear friend is continuing her voyage on the thread mill, the difference being is that the thread mill is in different parts of the world ie my profession calls this “a geographical cure”

These words from one of my customer from Canada who became a good friend lately. He often visited me in the club and we were talking hours about psychological issues in relationships. He was a friend, a supervisor and tutor All in One. I studied psychology at the University, and I’m telling you this job is the best psychological work experience. (I specialised in working with special needs and sometimes I feel I’m in the best place to practice.)

The treadmill I meant is more complicated. The Life is a roller coaster. Ups and downs. We have to accept the rain and the sunshine. But so many people live in the fog. Their days are grey. They wake up in the morning, coffee, traffic, work, problems, traffic, home, dinner, family, more problems, bed, morning, coffee, work…. like robots. Until someone unplugs them. They read the book Power of Now, they discuss it, but they don’t change anything.

I have enough people around me that they are only complaining about their lives and even if they have every tool to change it, it’s easier to complain and wait for the miracle. They live in a fear of losing their jobs, financial insecurity and in the shadow of banks and credits. But they still want a bigger house, faster cars, and they able to queue days to get the new iPhone S64… Those people sooner or later will get a big punch from Life. I have a good example in my family how I don’t want to live my life. My dad always dreamed about travels and to see the sea. He was always dreaming about it but never done anything for that, even these days when you can go to Italy or Croatia on a low budget, he just finds excuses not to go. And it’s sad but probably he will die without fulfilling his dream.

My treadmill was in the restaurant. I woke up, get to work, then home and sleep. Next day I started again. Long working hours and no time for friends, no private life. But luckily I quickly realised it’s not what I want. So I quit. I had the power to change what I don’t like. And during travelling, I’ve been changed.

What do I gain from my travel?

Power and Self-confidence

Not physical power but mental power. I can hold myself and stand up for myself if it’s necessary. If I want something, I don’t wait for others to do it for me. I’m brave enough to do the first steps. I don’t have a rich family behind me (although my family is very supportive emotionally) so what I have, what I reached, I did it myself. I’m my own boss.

Patience and Empathy

I’ve heard so many times that I’m so quiet. Yes, because I watch and listen. That’s the way how I learn about the surroundings. And I’ve learned a lot. Now I know how to handle an arrogant (man), a drunk (man), a childish (man), a crying (MAN!), a man with money or a man with issues. And I’m learning not to judge them.

Communication skills

Actually, dancing wasn’t my first “night” job. I did hostessing in a London club where I worked only on commission. That was the way I learned English. I was always shy to speak up because I wasn’t sure and I wanted to speak correctly. So I pushed my boundaries and started that job saying if I don’t start to speak – doesn’t matter correct or not –, I will have no money to eat. I’m still alive! 🙂

And I learned how to communicate with different people from different background and/or culture.

..and lots of joyful moments!

This is my favourite! Cage diving with the Great White sharks and crocodiles, going on a safari, seeing the Niagara Falls, climb up the CN Tower and walk on the glass floor, swimming in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, Chinese Moon Festival, eating delicious local food and taste something different, palm trees and beautiful beaches, Octoberfest, bungy jumping.. and the list is not full!

I understand what my friend wanted to say with his words above. Maybe I’m a bit of adrenalin junky. And if this is my new treadmill, I will enjoy it! But I would rather call myself a free spirit and this treadmill simply Life. And for me, it definitely works!

Heading to the Paradise

After 4 weeks of hard work in Luxembourg, I’m in a need of some rest. You think ‘oh you girls just party all night’, but this is actually a hard physical job. Wearing high heels, dancing on stage 6-8 times a night, smiling and looking pretty and drinking until you hit the floor.. 6 days a week and 8-10 hours a day. Or sometimes more.

I was absolutely excited and felt lucky when I got the chance to work in Guadeloupe in the West Indies after all. I contacted the owner of the club and I asked if there any place for 2 and he said yes. Great! I’ve never been to the Caribbean before plus I’m going there with a friend that I haven’t seen for ages but before we travelled a lot together. And the work conditions are perfect, the club is open from 11 pm to 4 am, and only 5 days a week. The owner bought us the tickets, so basically I’m going for a 5 weeks holiday (with a little work) to the Caribbean on extremely low costs. What else could I wish more? Beautiful white sandy beaches, blue sky, clear sea, 28 degrees… and SUN! Yuppie! I’ve already checked the websites where we can snorkel, sailing, sunbathing. I can’t wait!

This is the part of my job I like the most. I enjoy discovering places! I still remember when with my friend we decided to conquer the World. I met her in Greece. Her name is Giselle (yes, another VS model) I was about to leave the club when she arrived and she took my place in the room. I went to another club near Nafplio. But I wasn’t so happy in the new place, the club was okay, but the apartment! It was in the middle of nowhere, no Internet, no shop nearby, only a beach 10 meters away from the house. The first day was nice, we enjoyed the sea but when we had no food left, we asked the owner how we go to buy some stuff.

“No worries girls, you can call me any time and I will take you to the shop. Or tomorrow I will bring you a bicycle.”

I didn’t like the first option, I’m not the type who wants to be dependent on someone. I like to go to the shop when I want, not when he has time to pick me up. I didn’t like the second option either. Not because I’m lazy to ride a bicycle, but I didn’t feel it safe at all. When we were on the beach, so many cars stopped asking stupid questions or even making offers. It was quite disturbing. Can you imagine when I’m alone on a bicycle between two villages? The sea is on one side, a field is on the other side? No, I’m not taking that risk!

So after two days, I had a plan to escape. I made my luggage ready and I knocked on our neighbour’s door. It took time for someone opened the door. They didn’t speak English. I don’t speak Greek. The only word that the man understood it was “hotel” and I pointed toward my luggage. He waved with his hand and went to the backyard to the car. It was dirty inside, I guess he transported animals and hay with it. That moment I didn’t care. Just later when I was sitting in a dirty car next to a total stranger who doesn’t speak the same language, I questioned myself about my own mental states. “Am I really out of my mind?”

But the trip ended well. He took me to a hotel in the centre of the town, and he didn’t even want to charge me with the ride. The hotel was very simple but luckily not so expensive. No Internet access. I went to an Internet Cafe and I checked my flight ticket back to England. And at the same time, I sent a message to my agent, that I want to go back to the previous club or I go home. I gave her time to the next day if she doesn’t reply I go back and book the ticket. Greece is beautiful, so I planned to enjoy the rest of the day. I was walking around, climbed the hill which has 999 steps to the top, watched the sunset and I had a nice dinner. After all, I slept like a baby. Next day I took the bus to Epidavros, to the famous ancient theatre. I really enjoyed my little break without work and the sightseeing. On my way back, the agency called. She was not so happy that I just left the club without saying anything to the boss, but she said I can go back to the previous place. So I went back and I took the same room with Giselle.

She was very nice and we became friends. (No, we are not lesbians! I must say that because every guy I mentioned her had sparkles in his eyes like “really? How good friends you are?” and wink) We are more like sisters. The same way of thinking and the same interest. Same desire to travel as much as we can so we decided to travel and work together in the future. That night there was no electricity in the whole town, we got the text that the club is closed. We lit a candle and we were surfing on the Internet checking new agencies and clubs where we wish to go until the battery died on my laptop.

“Wow, there is a club in South Africa! Let’s go there, we can go on a safari!”

“OK, it sounds good. But there is another in Hong Kong! Look at the pictures! After we can go to Thailand and do a scuba dive training.”

“Let’s go to Guam! There is an army base there! 😉 “

“The work conditions are very good in Canada..”

And so on. We had lots to plan.. and we learned the Greek word Πάμε (pame) for a lifetime, meaning “let’s go!”

And then we worked in Canada together for 3 months and in the same year, we went to Cape Town. And now to the Caribbean. I’m super excited!